Nothing to speed up weightloss like divorce

[csawesome 181]

Today my husband of 16 years told me he is leaving me for his coworker who he started having an affair with when I had my surgery. We have two kids together. It comes as a total suprise. The last two weeks have been weird but I thought it was just stress from my school load and his over time.

Well apparently I lost five pounds today in tears and heart ache.

I know I am stranger, but I had to put it somewhere.

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[Pondlife 42]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[futurefeatherweight 64]

So sorry that this happened to you. I had something very similar happen to me in the past. It is crazy to me how some men only seem to care about what their little head wants and are willing to destroy their family to get it. If it is any consolation, I hope your narcissistic a-hole of a husband contracts an incurable STD from his coworker.

[gowalking 10,790]

My heart goes out to you. I just got dumped by my boyfriend and am a mess so this happening to you with a man you are married to and have children with is beyond horrific. Reach out to family and friends. Get a support system in place so you are not going through this alone. A therapist is not a bad idea either. Not now necessarily, but in the future. You will need to work on understanding that no matter what, this was a horrible and cowardly thing he did and you cannot blame yourself for his very bad behavior. {{hugs}}

[Shell ???? 224]

Oh No I really do feel for you this must be such a awful shock just know we are here if you need to talk. One day at a time and try to look after you.

Take care xoxo

Sent from my iPhone

[KristenLe 5,979]

I'm very sorry. If I were to guess - it started before your surgery. Stay strong - you'll get through this! Hugs to you and your kids!

[Heather I 500]

I don't even know what to say. That's terrible. I'm so sorry this happened. He seriously started a hot and heavy affair around surgery 1.5 months ago and is already out the door? Where is his head at? I don't get it. What a jerk to throw away a family and improved life together. I'm very sorry.

[Lgr3 35]

Bless you and continue to work on you just as before and allow Karma to take its course! Because Karma is a mofo! Concentrate on you and your kids

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Dr-Patient 830]

I am SO SORRY to read your post. Will pray for your strength during this time. Thaat's all I can say right now, as I (now in a good place with a man) hear these stories and get so scared. You want to trust them, but...!!? None of us want to get our heart hurt. And you two are/were married.

I will keep you in my prayers; but honor your self and your dignity. Shame on him.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

Bless. there's never a good time for this kind of thing, and my heart goes out to you. You will emerge like a butterfly, but I know how hard it is in the meantime.

my first husband divorced me after 9 years and with 5 children under 8 because he thought it would solve all his problems to get rid of me. it was a very difficult time for me, and especially the year after, but once I got on my feet again I am forever thankful that I did not have to grow old with him.

[Irelandlynne 19]

Wow! That is the only word that comes to mind after reading how insensitive and disgusting that is. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope you have family and friends that will support you through this difficult time. Please update us with what is going on. I certainly will keep you in my thoughts. Xoxoxo

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@csawesome ... really sorry this has been added to your plate now. Whether it feels like it now or not, those of us who've been through something like this will all tell you that eventually you will look back on this and see it as the beginning of something better. And yes -- the "divorce diet" has always been one of the most effective diets ever invented.

And @@gowalking -- I'm also sorry you're going through a break-up as well. Just means someone better for you will now appear, when you're ready. In the meantime take good care of yourself.

[jane13 2,256]

@csawesome - vent away, cry, yell, scream and get it all out of your system.

Like OP mentioned there was probably something going on before that and he isn't going to man up the truth. Been there, done that.

The first couple of weeks you are going to walk around in a daze. Stay hydrated, eat AT LEAST your required Protein and take care of yourself and your kids.

Be prepared legally. Put a freeze on all accounts, esp credit cards.

Change locks on the doors and get all the keys to the car YOU drive. If he wants to come by and get his stuff, he does it when you are home and make sure another adult is there with you.

After a few weeks it will get easier - its those first few weeks and esp at night...

Also be prepared, just in case, that he wants to come back~~~ don't do it! I would not do it without both parties completing marriage counseling while living in separate places.

so sorry you are going through this...

((((((BIG HUG))))))

jane

p.s. he is an A$$hole

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Since I have been thrown away twice, I understand where you are coming from. Sometime's you will just get sick and tired of being strong, but we are here to support you.

For sure, don't blame his debauchery on your surgery. When I found out my first husband of 23 years was cheating, it turns out he had taken several girlfriends over the years, and the one I found out about was at least the tenth. Yeah, this did not just happen with your surgery. He has been bringing someone else's germs home to you for a while.

Protect yourself legally. Many counties have free legal aid for women who have been abandoned by their spouses...especially if there are kids involved. What hurt me the most was that on Father's day, two months after the girls and I left, they bought him a coffee mug that said "World's Greatest Dad".......and he helped them pack because he couldn't get rid of us soon enough.

Divorce is messy, but he has done you a favor by showing his stripes now. It is better to know how someone really feels about you rather than going through life wondering where you stand with them.

With your surgery you will get to re-invent physically. With the divorce, you will get to re-invent yourself mentally. What will you watch on TV because he is not controlling the remote? What will you fix to eat without having to cook his favorite junk foods? What will you do for fun without him making that decision for you? What kind of music will you listen to? What will you wear without his influence on your style? Who will you be when you just get to be you?

I wet from being Daddy's little girl to J'''''s long-suffering submissive wife to G""""s punching bag. After my second divorce, I took a couple of years off to find myself. I had to know who I was when I was left to follow my own heart. Then.....I was able to find a loving gentle man who treats me like the king of his universe. We have been together ten years and my grandchildren love him like a grandpa.

Your situation is stink cabbage now, but will be roses by the time you have adjusted. At some point you will be done crying and be able to proceed as the new independant you. Hugs from Miss Mac. Keep us informed.

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

As a formerly divorced person myself I must CONGRATULATE you!!! Sounds like you have lost a lot more than 5 lbs of dead weight. So let me get this straight...you did something to take care of yourself (surgery) and he went out and hooked up with someone else? I am sorry that you have to put up with this kind of treatment from such a cad, but all I can say is that you are better off without him. I suggest that you immediately (within the next 24 hours while he might still be feeling guilty) ask him to sign a separation agreement that includes the maximum amount of child support permitted by law in your state during your separation period. You should also include in this agreement that he will either continue to pay for your and your kids health insurance during the separation period (the kids' should be indefinitely) -OR- if he was not subsidizing their health insurance previously then he should start paying AT LEAST half. Things with the new girlfriend might not be so rosy if he has to meet his responsibilities (his kids). If he refuses to sign you can likely file a petition with the help of a lawyer, and if you cannot afford a lawyer go to legal aid at your nearest law school and/or your state or local (county) government and they will help you. Now go today and clean out any bank accounts that you share and take out the maximum cash advance on any cards in his name, and put the funds in accounts that are solely in yours or in yours and your kids names.

This is BEYOND horrendous of course. I recently have been through a VERY painful situation myself. In fact, my ex moved in with my best friend two doors down from me. Whoops, I guess that she wasn't my best friend afterall;-) Now that I have had weight loss surgery I found it VERY hard to cope (because I could not stuff my feelings down with food as I had been for the last 20 years).

My recommended readings (kindle and audible combo is my favorite coz I can even listen in the car on the way to work or you can listen with headphones while the kids are watching tv):

• Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You
• The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love
• It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy
• Women Who Love Too Much

These books, my therapist, going to OA meetings and bariatric pal really have helped and inspired me so much during what I honestly thought was an unbearable situation. Definitely take the time you need to feel your feelings, cry your eyes out, punch a pillow etc. But do not forget to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your kids as well. We will all be here to support you still when you need to take a break from kicking butt. Take care of YOU girl! We've all got your back:-)