Friends....

[choicemun 111]

This isn't really a WLS question, I just been thinking a lot lately and wanted to ask for you wonderful people's opinions.

Since I got the sleeve 3weeks ago and even before then I been thinking about changing my life in ever way. So while I was deciding to have the sleeve me and my friend of 20yrs stopped talking, we just stopped calling or hugging out.

I couldn't tell you why some people around me said it was because of money, see my husband and I never really had a lot of money we want paycheque to paycheque and my friend she and her husband were better off and I never looked at her any different other then someone who was my friend.

But last summer my husband own some money and thank god we are well off and no longer struggling to pay our rent or have enough food for our kids.

So long story short from the way she was acting before we stopped talking to one another was a bit jealous. And I didn't say much about it because I thought she would get over it, but since people are saying that's why she stopped talking to me it is becoming really hurtful. And to be honest she was my only friend who lives in the same city as me so it becoming a hard thing to deal with.

My question is how do people make friends as adults, I feel like I don't know how to make friends or how to go about it lol. All my friends are my childhood friends so I never made any friends as an adult is sad I know. I am not working right now so that option is out.

Sorry for the long rant I just feel like I need new people around me I need a friend am tried of being home.

Thanks everyone...

[Daisee68 2,493]

I wish I had some good advice for you. I got laid off from my job in December and I started a new job in March but working from home. I live alone and while I always thought I would love working from home, man am I lonely! Thank goodness for my sister and her kids but still... I knew I liked working for social aspect but I didn't realize how much that affected my mood! Making friends as an adult is hard. My therapist recently suggested finding a class to take (like photography or something). Easier for me to do than you since I don't have a family to care for and yet, I still have not sought that out....

I am sorry your friend isn't speaking to you. Perhaps she will get over whatever it is soon. Maybe you can give her a call and invite her out for a coffee or something soon and talk it out?

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

I'm THE WORST person in the world to talk about other human interactions but I'll give you my current take on your query..

Just go do it...

Find something you like to do...

Preferably something legal..

Find a group that is already doing it...

Join in..

If all those people suck, move on to another group..

Eventually you'll strike up something with someone...

Use this forum as a starting place...

So many people with so much in common here...

Ok, it's not necessarily gonna be coffees and play dates..

But (from what I hear), an e-friend can be every bit as good as a 'real life' friend..

I reckon friends are like taxis...

When you don't need one, there's hundreds around..

But when you need one - nothing!!

But that may just be my bitter, realistic side showing...

You'll be fine...

Unless you're some sort of freak...

And even then, there'll be a group somewhere for such people..

Good luck on your Quest my friend!!!

[Christinamo7 4,041]

well, for friends that I have made as an adult it is through some sort of common connection. A common interest say - and you just find that you 'click' or get each other.

I have somewhat of a hard time making friends unless I make myself put in the effort. I am a real homebody and somewhat introverted. and it doesn't help that my husband has Asperger's Syndrome.

When someone asks me if I want to go do this or that or have lunch I just have to make myself do it, and I almost always have a really good time - and if I do, then I go again. pretty soon your life and theirs become interconnected and, there's a new friendship.

Seasons in life change. it is nice to have those friends who have always been there, sometimes closer, sometimes not. my first friend outside my family has been my friend for more than 40 years as we met in kindergarten - but I have made new friends even this past year. some friends have gone out of my life as seasons change. that's ok too. one of the reasons I love Facebook as I can keep in contact at least on the edges with many of those people.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Christinamo7

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Actually, I think this topic is very WLS related.

In the time I have been on these boards I have seen many people with similar issues. Friendships changing, losing friends, and learning how to make new friends is more common than you think.

Fortunately, even though I am basically an introvert, I got a chance to learn how to make friends when I was growing up because we moved a few times.

Some random thoughts:

1) It is ok to be by yourself and do things by yourself. Being comfortable and confident alone is important for many reasons. You don't want to seem desperate, clingy, insecure when you meet new people.

2) Go places where you can meet people: take a class, go to church, join a Y or other gym, attend community events, volunteer, etc. Do things you enjoy and you will meet people with similar interests.

3) Learn to make small talk. Learn to smile and speak to strangers. (Resist the urge to keep your nose buried in your phone when you are around other people.)

4) Show a genuine interest in other people. Ask questions. You need to learn to balance interest (without prying and being intrusive) and sharing your thoughts and ideas (without being self absorbed and talking only about yourself). It can be a challenge, but well worth the effort to work on communication skills: listening, conversation, etc. Practice makes perfect.

5) Have fun and enjoy yourself. Other people will want to be around you.

6) For me, I love meeting new people and have a lot of casual friends and acquaintances, but when it comes to real intimacy, I go for quality over quantity. Also, some friendships do run their course. If someone can't or won't invest the effort and time in your friendship, let them go and move on. You may reengage in the future, but we all need space at times.

I hope this helps a bit.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Here is a good article from Experience Life Magazine:

https://experiencelife.com/article/making-friends-as-an-adult/

[James Marusek 5,244]

Well, it might be worth it to have a heart-to-heart with your friend to find out what is wrong. Good friendships don't come to an end without a major issue.

As far as making friends when you are an adult I give you the following observation. Many years ago I moved into a new housing tract. Each night after work, I dragged my wife along and we visited one of our new neighbors. I knocked on the door and introduced ourselves. If they invited us in, we had a good visit and found several friends that way. About 50% of the people were open to new friendships and about 50% were not. I think most people sit at home waiting for new friendships to magically happen. So take the initiative.

[kmorri 1,689]

@@choicemun I'll give you some advice my husband and I gave my mom after my step dad passed away. My step dad was sick for a very long time (years)....My mom's life was taking care of him, nothing else! When he passed away she got very depressed and lonely. She didn't have any friends, just family, but we all work and she's retired...........thankfully she wasn't so depressed she didn't want to try. She really wanted to make friends but she just didn't know how to start.

My husband suggested that she join the local YMCA and she did. From her very first visit it was perfect for her. She met several ladies and became pretty good friends with the group, and one lady she has really hit it off with. She's already been on a cruise with her and is about to take a European vacation with her....She is busy all the time now and it's just wonderful to see her doing the things she's always wanted to do!.............So try the Y......you can make friends and get your exercise done all at the same time!

[choicemun 111]

Thank you everyone for your great advice. This place has been the best since I found it four months ago.

@@kmorri I will for sure try that thank you.