When do you tell someone new you're dating you've had WLS?

[gpmed 623]

I'm seven months out from RNY and am starting to date again (I took a break after the end of a nearly three-year relationship). I had a very successful first date with a guy who's smart, funny and hot. We have plans to see each other again soon. So it got me thinking about when I should tell him I've had WLS. For me, it's a pretty personal thing that I don't typically divulge to people shortly after I meet them. I would certainly not keep it a secret forever either. If we decide to become intimate, he will see my scars. I have very fair skin and my scars haven't faded much yet. I am hoping at first to simply say I've had abdominal surgery and that maybe I'll tell him more about it one day. So, those of you who are more experienced, how have you handled this?

[pr_pitbullgrl 1,039]

this literally just happened to me. i was dating my guy and we were on about our fifth date...the waitress at olive garden says to me - have you had surgery or something - you barely ate! and i was like oh shit ummm...i told her that i had and she said she had been thinking about doing it too and that i looked great etc and that's how my boyfriend found out....im sure he always just thought i was watching what i ate but he kinda found out by accident. you'll find people don't have the same stigma about ex-fat people that we do about ourselves. but it is personal and it should be a matter-of-fact type of conversation not something you feel ashamed about because why should you? good luck and have fun!

[DirtyyMelodies 47]

As someone who just got sleeved and became single about a week prior to surgery, I'm in the same boat as you. I haven't been on the dating scene for almost 7 years now. It's kinda scary, but exciting at the same time.

My plan is to stay honest. I'm against the idea of flat-out lying about my surgery; it would mean I'm embarrassed about it, and I feel like starting off a relationship based on half-truths/lies isn't the best way to do it. I plan on not bringing up the topic until the second or third date, unless the other person asks me about it.

My surgery doesn't define me as a person, hence why I plan on waiting a bit before bringing it up. However, it's still an important turning point in my life that my partner will have to know about.

As someone who just got sleeved and became single about a week prior to surgery, I'm in the same boat as you. I haven't been on the dating scene for almost 7 years now. It's kinda scary, but exciting at the same time.

My plan is to stay honest. I'm against the idea of flat-out lying about my surgery; it would mean I'm embarrassed about it, and I feel like starting off a relationship based on half-truths/lies isn't the best way to do it. I plan on not bringing up the topic until the second or third date, unless the other person asks me about it.

My surgery doesn't define me as a person, hence why I plan on waiting a bit before bringing it up. However, it's still an important turning point in my life that my partner will have to know about.

[DirtyyMelodies 47]

this literally just happened to me. i was dating my guy and we were on about our fifth date...the waitress at olive garden says to me - have you had surgery or something - you barely ate! and i was like oh **** ummm...i told her that i had and she said she had been thinking about doing it too and that i looked great etc and that's how my boyfriend found out....im sure he always just thought i was watching what i ate but he kinda found out by accident. you'll find people don't have the same stigma about ex-fat people that we do about ourselves. but it is personal and it should be a matter-of-fact type of conversation not something you feel ashamed about because why should you? good luck and have fun!

Wow. I would've been so upset.

That's an incredibly inappropriate comment for a server to make. There's a difference between asking a guest if their meal was up to their expectations and outright asking such a personal question.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I find that servers in restaurants are pretty frantic when you don't eat all of your food. It really freaks them out. I guess they think you are going to leave a bad yelp review. Still that was really rude of her to say. I would have wrote her a note on the check.

Anyway, I was dating a guy shortly after surgery. My hormones were raging and I couldn't resist dating. It was really serious then it fizzled out. I am really glad I didn't tell him I had surgery. I would be pissed that he knew any more person information about me.

I eat like a small eater/thin person. I really don't eat much less than women like my grandmother. Portions are so out of control now, people have no idea what a real portion is. I grew up in a home with juice glasses, and a juice glass was 4 ounces.

He was annoyed sometimes that I ate so little of meals he paid for, which looking back was a huge warning sign. What difference does it make? I hate cheap people.

If you want a real relationship, then you need to be honest about who you are. Since I have decided that I want something real with someone in the future, I won't be intimate or tell someone those types of person things about me until they have been thoroughly vetted, and we are really heading towards something serious. Like an exclusive relationship.

This comes up on here a lot. Some people have no issues with telling, a lot of the guys that post here have certain opinions on it.

The guy I was dating never asked me about my scars, there is only one noticeable one anyway (yay! Vitamin E). My boobs are big enough that holds the attention of most men.

So TLDR, I have no good advice. Good luck.

[gowalking 10,790]

You can tell by the posts above that there's no hard and fast rule about revealing WLS to a possible significant other. I openly dated a number of men over a time span of about a year before deciding to be exclusive with my current BF. We are together about ten months now. Of the probably ten or twelve dates I went on during the dating period, only two men knew about my surgery other than the BF. Both of these other men were guys I was dating for a few months and while I was not physically intimate with any of them, I felt there might be a connection and I wanted them to know this aspect of my life.

[Daveo 485]

I have been on a couple dates and have let them know I had surgery prior to actually meeting. This way when we meet up for dinner they already knew why I barely touched my food. Being a big guy still it's kinda obvious that something is up when I can't eat much. They have been cool with it and I really don't hide the fact I had surgery. I did it to improve my health and if anyone objects to it then it's their problem.

I have been on a couple dates and have let them know I had surgery prior to actually meeting. This way when we meet up for dinner they already knew why I barely touched my food. Being a big guy still it's kinda obvious that something is up when I can't eat much. They have been cool with it and I really don't hide the fact I had surgery. I did it to improve my health and if anyone objects to it then it's their problem.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

I'm about to get back into thw dating world too (after a 12 year relationship) I wouldn't talk about it right away but i think if it you were dating for a while and see a future witj the person then i woukd definately tell them

[neckless_que 28]

I'm a firm believer that straight talk leads to a straight understanding. A person will either accept you for who you are or not, but withholding information is the same as lying. On another note. How would you feel if your friend informed you that they had an STD when you were involved in foreplay?

[Valentina 2,642]

I would tell about WLS before you two go "out and about". If you don't tell, some one that you know and run into in public is going to tell. (as mentioned above). That would be a deal breaker for me.

WLS is just another part of you being you. Like: "what's your favorite movie", "what's your favorite music, or "what's your favorite color"? As soon as "what's your favorite food" comes up---well, "There's you sign"!

Good luck. Dating is for the brave!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

We are equating STDs to WLS surgery now?

I knew someone would go off the deep end. Didn't have to wait long.

Having a STD can affect the other person.

If one person can only eat 4 ounces of steak on a dinner date, that has nothing to do with the other person.

The fact that people eating proper portions freaks other people out so much illustrates exactly what is wrong with our country and how people think about food.

Edited April 22, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[BarrySue 602]

I'm a firm believer that straight talk leads to a straight understanding. A person will either accept you for who you are or not, but withholding information is the same as lying. On another note. How would you feel if your friend informed you that they had an STD when you were involved in foreplay?

That kind of comparison is exactly why people are reluctant to share. WLS is stigmatized, and a potential romantic partner is not entitled to every aspect of your personal health information.

[Christinamo7 4,041]

I would think it would not be right away - but if you are serious about someone, intimate - considering a life together I would think any kind of past medical history is just naturally something you are going to talk about.

If I were to loose my love (God forbid) and consider marriage again I might want to warn the fella that I look like an elephant when naked, lol.

[neckless_que 28]

On a whole another note. So, I guess persons who've had WLS can't have one night stands or have casual relations? IJS

[jane13 2,256]

I am old school, I guess, I read "....dating..." and didn't assume doing the 'horizontal bop' was part of the question.

If I was 'dating' (my version) the subject of my WLS would be hopefully when I was ready to divulge. The server would have gotten a response that I give regularly and honestly, sorry cant eat it all.

If the relationship was progressing towards the 'horizontal bop' I MIGHT would tell him before but I don't have any visible signs (my VSG was laparoscopic). I don't remember my husband explaining in depth the fact that he was circumcised...or my ex saying he wasn't....

What about having your tonsils/wisdom teeth/adenoids removed? Is that required to be discussed?

bless their hearts...