My Husband has been acting a bit strange lately... I was feeling particularly good one day, and said, don't I look good,and he responded very lacklusterly with an.. eh, its ok.. which really hurt my feelings.. he had me feeling like I was vain after I gained my composure and asked him about it later that day..

Finally, he opened up to me this morning about how he really preferred me heavier, and that I'm still heavy in his mind.. he doesn't picture me so "little" but that he loves me and I'm his best friend.. etc..

I was pretty surprised. I know he likes large women. I was a little bit bigger than I am now when we first met.. I don't understand it, I guess cause I'm not attracted to that look..

Anyway, anyone go through this? He refuses to go to counseling..

This past weekend I went out with my husband. I had some great fitting jeans on and thought he would say SOMETHING upon seeing me . . . no reaction whatsoever. I was bummed and it showed on my face. Once we got in the car I told him I was sad he didn't say anything and he said my losing weight makes him feel fat. I think he is handling the change well, but he feels insecure about it too. I think he just needs time to get used to it. We've been married for many years and this won't change our commitment to each other, but I don't really know how to help him feel better about himself. He has to decide if he wants to lose weight and I would never nag or make him feel bad about himself.

I guess this is really not much help to you, but I hope it all works out in the end. Only time will tell.

Wow- thanks for this post. I need to be mindful of what a big change this will be for my husband (who has loved me at a variety of weights- another lucky girl here).

literally my wife is the reason i have succeeded thus far. she is my rock and the reason i do this. we joke about me having bones now ( watch those thoughts, now now) and we joke about the changes to our sex life ( you can check the mens forums for those thoughts now ladies) she has grabbed ahold of my success as a chance to lose a bit herself and has truly embraced my success with me and its been a godsend. WHen the alternative is not being on this earth for very long the way i was going, its a lot better now.

I agree. My hubby thought I was beautiful at 294 and thinks I am beautiful at 139. He thought I was beautiful at every weight in between. Of course I loved him when he was 360 and I still love him at 185. Very blessed.

This past weekend I went out with my husband. I had some great fitting jeans on and thought he would say SOMETHING upon seeing me . . . no reaction whatsoever. I was bummed and it showed on my face. Once we got in the car I told him I was sad he didn't say anything and he said my losing weight makes him feel fat. I think he is handling the change well, but he feels insecure about it too. I think he just needs time to get used to it. We've been married for many years and this won't change our commitment to each other, but I don't really know how to help him feel better about himself. He has to decide if he wants to lose weight and I would never nag or make him feel bad about himself.

I guess this is really not much help to you, but I hope it all works out in the end. Only time will tell.

You make a great point. It's not about YOU, it's about him... Whereas the Fat Admirers are looking out from themselves, you husband is having internal conflict.

My husband advises a long stretch of public display of affections. Ego strokes. I think this advice may be a little self serving, but he's not wrong.

Like @@Stevehud my wife has been my biggest support. Being able to live longer and better and enjoy life with her is my biggest motivator. She has loved me heavy, thinner, heavier and now thinner. Luckily she has adopted a healthier lifestyle and we're in this together. We've both pledged to be in our best shape ever by our next birthday and are well on our way to achieving it!

It;s important to have someone who supports you during this transition. Even more important is clear communication. We have been able to avoid problems and resolve strains that my WLS caused by talking about them and working out solutions. Many times, you can do things that cause tension without knowing, If the lines of communication are open, you can discuss and resolve the issues. If you say nothing, they can fester and become a real problem.

This transition is not easy and takes lots of hard work. It can strain even the strongest relationship. Yes, we did this for ourselves, but when you are in a relationship you are not acting in a vacuum. Keep talking and you can reach solutions. Good luck!

I'm not married but...

It seems like your husband thinks thin women can't be trusted. He tginks you are going to lose weight and go crazy like his ex. The fact you said you didn't feel pretty before but now you do, is a huge red flag. Even if he won't go to counseling, you should go alone. You should always feel pretty your a woman, someone is always going to buy what you are selling, that is the great thing about being a woman. The fact you feel pretty now, he isn't suporting that is a huge issue that isn't just his. When he sees that you can still be trsted at a smaller weight he will probably get over is feelings.

I to some degree have the opposite problem. My husband used to weight 285 lbs at 6' tall. Over the past few years he has gone down to between 205-210 lbs without weight loss surgery. While he has lost, I continued to gain because of my insulin usage being so great. Other than the insulin, I really did cut my eating amounts down to half of what I used to eat, and had cut out most carbs such as breads, pastas, rices, potatoes. I stopped eating fruits and dairy. I used good saturated fats from things like avacadoes, coconut oil, olive oil. I was exercising at least 3-4 times per week for at least 45 minutes each time. I did not lose one pound. However, I wasn't gaining at that point either, but I hurt my foot while exercising and I had to stop for several months. My blood sugar became out of control even on an insulin pump, and I fee like I'm stuck in hormonal hell. I've tried every thing there was on the market and what my doctor/endo gave me. Nothing. So this is where I'm at. Of course during this time the different medications I had been given caused weight gain (and let's face it, once gained it doesn't automatically drop off when you quit that drug). So my husband went from being a big guy to being a much thinner version, who is always cold now (he used to radiate heat) dresses in long johns, sweat pants, quilted flannels, and sits on the couch with a blanket over his legs! He looks like a little old man, yet he's only 52 years old! Needless to say our sex life has dropped off considerably. I mean it went from him being a horn-dog to months upon months of no interest. He said it is not my size that has caused his interest to be so lackluster. He said he just lost his sex appetite. We've literally had sex twice in the past 8-9 months. I of course don't believe him about it not being my size and it makes me cry a lot. I am trying to lose weight; it just doesn't happen on my own! Now that the diabetes is beginning to affect my organs, I have to do this surgery. It is about living longer healthy rather than being thin. So I sympathize with you, but mine really has nothing to do with the weight surgery. I have two more appointments and then I go for final insurance approval. I'm hoping by March/April I'm scheduled for surgery!

Edited February 10, 201610 yr by Renkoss

@@Renkoss - I hope your weight loss rekindles the spark. It might not though. Sometimes it isn't about the weight, it's about the relationship. Our bodies often resemble our emotional state (esp. for emotional eaters).

To all the people who lost their "fat loving significant others" I would not have found my girlfriend if I hadn't had the surgery and lost the weight. So the weight loss closes one door, but might open others. You can't help someone who is superficial and you owe to you to be the healthiest you can be. Life is better when it is lived abundantly.

Look at this article and watch or record Skin Tight tonight!

Woman who lost 222LBS in 11 months says her husband started calling her 'fat' AFTER she... - Daily Mail

https://apple.news/ANCj61mYSTXSWs0ceVeOJyw

I find it hard to belive what she says mainly because I do not trust fame and attention seekers and it is too easy to lie on someone who doesn't have the same platform you have to defend themselves.

Yes.

Been married 20 years... I was 165ish and quite curvy when we met and married. Gained with my kids and topped out at 271. I am now a muscular and kinda boney 135. He wishes I would put back on another 20 pounds or so (he actually throws out the 165 figure even though I'm not really sure he knows that was my weight at the time).

It's not a deal breaker and my breast lift/implants helped... He loves and supports me whatever weight I am, but if he had his preference I would gain about 30lbs back in my butt and boobs (if only we could tell those pounds where to go!)

Hubby loves me at whatever weight / shape I am. He just loves me.

And vice versa.

(sniff)

Hubby loves me at whatever weight / shape I am. He just loves me.

And vice versa.

(sniff)

You know... that's so nice.. but that sure makes me feel kind of bad.

That really wasn't the question, or point of my post.. but I'm honestly glad for those of you whose relationship hasn't changed at all.

Maybe he just doesn't really love me.

Edited February 11, 201610 yr by Chrystee