gender bender..

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Damn Kindle...more on next post.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I took the day off...errands, big annual sale at th e horse food store, roof repair contractor, floor guy, buy Christmas tree etc. My day started 730 am at the Home Depot where I needed to buy 200' of quarter round (trim), toekick and other misc supplies to finish my new flooring. I intentionally went when they weren't too busy because I knew I would need help. I marched up to the service desk and requested help with my list...she looked at me like "what makes you so special" and I just smiled. She called the flooring dept and sent me to meet the person there.

A very unusual looking woman approached me, very made up, wearing an awesome perfect wig...and yet...Something was different. She cheerfully marched me around the store, cut the 16' lengths into more manageable size etc...very vivacious and outgoing. She immediately complimented me on my boots , and it sounds weird, but she seemed flirtatious. I wasn't offended but the thought crossed my mind that if this were a male, I would not be comfortable. Then it hit me....this IS a transgender person. She clearly identified as female but in spite of the perfect hair, makeup, I felt like she was a he.

At some point, I think she kinda asked me out but it was indirect enough it was easy to dodge and although I have no interest from an attraction point of view she struck me as a hoot!

I noticed that my brain wants to put people in categories and I couldn't find one, so it threw me off balance. I am not bigoted, and don't judge this but just found it to be so..disorienting! She was super helpful, fun and cheerful - knew her stuff too...so no complaints but I guess I never thought about my brains inclination to categorize people and when they don't fit, it is confusing. I guess I learn new things about myself all the time.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

I'd be more confused by posting with a Kindle than taken aback by the saleswoman in Home Depot. A woman selling building materials is wonderful.

If this was your first in-person encounter with a transgender person, no wonder so much is going through your mind. Many years ago my first encounters were in clubs; it wasn't until some time later that I'd see transgender people during the day pursuing ordinary pursuits. Long ago I got past my discomfort with pronouns. I take my lead from the person. What matters most is whether he or she is a decent person. If she in some way makes it known that she wishes to be addressed or spoken of in the feminine, that's what I deliver. The clothing and hair are a good tip-off. Using someone's preferred pronoun to me is a sign of respect for her or her individuality, humanity and right to feel right in his or her skin and in the world. That the realization came easily to me may have surprised me a bit. I don't quite recall, but I do know that it was freeing: One less thing to ponder or fret over.

Interesting stuff. Maybe some day it will cease to be interesting. That itself would be interesting.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

My oldest daughter has taught me a lot about how to set aside pre-conceived judgements about people and how to embrace a person for how they love and not who they love. She married her gal-pal a few months ago. Embarrassingly, I was so disoriented and uninformed to ask who was going to wear the dress, that I just waited for the surprise. It was a beautiful back yard ceremony with many of their roller derby friends in attendance. The way I look at it now is that I have not lost a daughter, I have gained another daughter.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

So was your discomfort (hard to come up with a better term, though there ought to be one) that she was transgender, or that you were getting hit on at Home Depot? Or getting hit on first thing at Home Depot when your head was full of "quarter-round and horse food and wait, what is anybody doing at Home Depot first thing in the morning in perfect makeup, isn't this usually a makeup-free zone and did I just get hit on?"

Cause yeah, that would have been disorienting just because it's so seemingly out of context. Getting hit on is usually for later in the day, y'know? Like at the feed store. Preferably by a guy wearing chaps.

As far as transgender people and their orientation in terms of attractions go, my transgender friend (I remember when she had her surgery back in the early 1970's) told me simply that a person's gender orientation is completely different than their sexual orientation. When she was male, she was attracted to females, and once she changed her gender, she was still attracted to females. It was so logical I wondered why I hadn't figured that out by myself, but truthfully I'd never even thought about it.

[andromache 16]

I have a friend who is transgender, and she hasn't come out to everyone yet. In order to keep it straight, she told us to address the person that she was dressed as. So if she was dressed as a female, we should call her by her new name. But if she was dressed as a male, we should call her by her old name.

[Cervidae 2,389]

I'm pansexual. For those who don't know the term, it's like being bisexual, only it goes beyond liking either male or female. It's the possibility of attraction to male, female, trans, crossdressers, genderfluid, agender, etc. Basically, a pansexual can feel attraction to literally the entire gender spectrum. I personally have always been attracted to trans women especially for whatever reason, though I'm happily dating a cis-gender guy (cis just means he was assigned male at birth and identifies as male). 20 years ago, someone saying what I've just said would have been unheard of, not to mention extremely socially taboo. I think equal rights and social acceptance are all a matter of exposure and experience. Humans need to experience something to really understand it, by nature. It's understandable that your first encounter with a trans person may be slightly disorienting but the fact that you understood and didn't feel the need or the right to be cruel in some way means we've come a long way as a culture. Gives me hope for the future, while we hear about trans people getting killed daily just for trying to be who they are.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

happily dating a cis-gender guy (cis just means he was assigned male at birth and identifies as male).

"Cis," new to me as of today, set me to googling. My eyes are crossing. I tend to pooh-pooh retronyms and this one gets a double-dose sneer: Pooh-pooh-Pooh-pooh. Whew. Anyone who hasn't blocked out BP signatures knows what I think of the category the computer system assigned me. Same goes for this "cis" biz. If you're going to apply it to me, you better run like hell. The OED isn't imprimatur.enough. There's a reason there are no words to look up.

There, I feel better now.

[Cervidae 2,389]

@@WLSResources/ClothingExch I only use "cis" when I need to qualify that a person is not trans. The majority of people are cis to begin with. To me, it's like going to the store and seeing a huge pile of bananas, and one purple banana. Instantly, you know the rest of the bananas are yellow/green. Since purple is the rarity, I call it a purple banana, instead of just a banana. That qualifier is necessary for trans people because we are slowly moving into a place of social acceptance and understanding but we aren't there yet. It's still a unique thing to be trans. Sometimes you just need a word to express what you mean to others, and "cis" simply means not trans.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Cervidae -- I got that, but it's a linguistic cockroach. Accent on "linguistic." My mishegas.

[Cervidae 2,389]

@@WLSResources/ClothingExch it always makes me think of the word "cyst" which grosses me out for obvious reasons.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Cervidae, my dear, sweet Cervidae,

You've used one of the forbidden words. When I was a "kid," there were four, each of which made me gag. You'd think that, as we get older, those words will lose their puke quotient. Alas, my list has grown longer with time.

P.S. I can't believe I used one of the forbidden words in my last note.

Edited December 5, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@2goldengirl - that was funny - "preferably by a guy wearing chaps" ha! That ain't gonna happen, but it i a nice thought.

I think in the end what made me "thoughtful" was recognizing my own internal interpetation of events, comments and gestures swung wildly as my brain (or perhaps my gut?) changed catagories of how to identify this person. Specifically, I always assume someone dressed a certain way/made up is a woman and while I am not conscious of it, I guess i assume the person is hetrosexual. About a minute or three into the interaction I felt that shift in my perception and I recall thinking "I am not so sure about all this guy complimenting my clothes and batting eye at me so early in the morning at the Home Depot- ha". Then I was like "wait, I think this person is a male who identifies as a female so I am miinterpeting"... to wait "that still seems pretty flirty for a woman to be toward me"... to wait "what the heck is going on here?" I still don't know for sure what actually happened in this interchange and perhaps that isn't even the point... the point is that self recognition of how my mind viewed everything depended alot on that frame of reference.

I think this really clarified to me how we ALL can't help but place certain "expections" based on the visual - whether it be gender, age, size, color of skin, country of origin - whatever.

For the record - while I may not relate to transgendered persons, I have no problem with it. I have developed a world view that life can be hard and we each need to find our own way. I don't need to understand everyone else (religioin, politics etc etc) to accept that they may have a different way - a long as that view doesn't harm or hold anyone else down I am not passing judgement of good or bad. I hope everyone finds a way to maximize their own potential in their own unique way.

So, no big deal, just an observation from the left coast.

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

I just want to say I love the people on this thread...basically I LOVE interesting people...I am straight but in a polyamorous situation and when I 'come out' to people I feel proud that I am expanding my circle of love. Bascially someone above has it right...are they good decent people...I can only imagine how fascinating that person at the hardware store would be to go and have a coffee with. All of us HERE have struggled with being different, ours was called BEING FAT. We have found a way to make ourselves happier and so should everyone else. If you see him/her again...tell him/her to come visit me in Amsterdam. I would LOVE to visit with her and I have a guest room to boot! MERRY CHRISTMAS OR WHATEVER YOU Celebrate TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!

[NYLux12 50]

@@Cervidae I am a pansexual, genderfluid person in love with a transwoman. Nice to meet you!