Hello all, my surgery was on 9/4/15. Since then, I've lost over 40 lbs, but I've lost 74 lbs since I began this journey in April. Further, there are few people that know I've had the surgery. With that said, I don't know how to respond/react when people notice or compliment me on my weight loss. For example, I saw a friend I haven't seen in almost a year. She immediately said "damn, you've lost a lot of weight...you look like you lost a whole person!" Then a person who knew about the surgery who hadn't seen me for a couple months saw me and kept telling me how good I looked.

While I appreciate the compliments, it's awkward because I know I'm still big and I don't notice how much I've lost. I know I'm losing but their reactions seem a little premature and I still have 94 lbs to go before I real my goal. I'm curious if any of you went through this? How did you respond to the compliments and questions. I don't want to come off as unappreciative but I also don't wanna seem cocky. It's so weird being the "topic of discussion" when I've been under the radar for so many years.

Edited October 19, 201510 yr by SleeveMe247

Yup, I get it 100%. After the first time, I don't care for the attention anymore. And like you, knowing I'm only halfway there, it feels premature.

I quietly say thank you, I've been working at it and try to change the subject. Honestly though, far less comment on it that I'd anticipated would.

Just smile and say "Thank you".

If they start to get intrusive with questions, simply tell them you are tired of talking about your weight but would be happy to discuss theirs. They will stop.

I enjoy it. In fact, I love them. It's substantive confirmation of how hard I'm working to get the best results out of my surgery.

My last successful weight loss attempt on my own before surgery was over 10 years ago, when I was able to get down to 130 pounds. I was even able to hold on to that weight for close to two years. I loved the compliments and attention. I love how I felt. It was an amazing time.

But then inevitably, the weight slowly started packing on again, plus more. The compliments suddenly went away, and there was just silence. A terrible awful silence. I had worked so hard to get to that place, but I just couldn't hold onto it. It really did me in, emotionally, physically. After that I just couldn't summon the strength to do it again, and so I went on to become my highest weight ever at 248.

Now, after weight loss surgery, I'm only 45 pounds away from that 130 I was before. The compliments I've been receiving already are so wonderful, because it's finally displaced that terrible, awful silence. And I can't wait to be reacquainted with the 130 pound woman I was before, because I've really missed her.

Those compliments are concrete proof of how far you've come. So it doesn't matter how far you still have to go. Enjoy where you are now, give yourself a little pat on the back, and bask in the knowledge that it's only going to get better!

I thank them and usually the conversation ends there but sometimes I get asked what I have done to lose so much. I have been very open about it and explained. I just prefer to not give out numbers. I remind them that this journey is for the rest of my life, so it will never actually be "over" until I am taking a dirt nap :/ and that I am no where near what I need to be but that I appreciate the support.

I just say, "Thank you." If someone asks how much I've lost, I tell them. If someone asks how... well, for me it depends on the setting... I'm pretty open with people at the Y where I swim, with my friends, with my family... but not at work. Only a couple people from work know, because there is a lot of gossip and nastiness in my field.

One thing I'm really trying to work on (per my therapist) is just saying "Thank you" and leaving it at that, without a qualifier like "...but I still have a lot more to lose."

My favorite comment I've gotten so far is from a friend whom I hadn't seen for a few months. He said, "Is it just me, or have you lost a f**k-ton of weight?" I replied that it was probably closer to half a f**k-ton, but that yes, I had lost quite a bit.

Just had that happen over the weekend. At 2 years out, most of my friends know at this point, but I was at an annual bonfire and ran into folks I hadn't seen since before surgery. First it was you've lost weight, you look great! But later, "have you been sick"? Coming from this particular person, I get why she'd think it. She and her husband both have lost a bunch of weight from illness. She's been in and out of the hospital seems like every other month. When I get those questions, I'm just honest about it. I told her I made a conscious decision to get healthy and I had a gastric sleeve procedure that helps me with portion control and the will to stay active. It's VERY rare that I get a negative response when I frame it this way.

No one noticed my weight loss until I had lost almost 70 pounds, and like you I still at that point felt that I was big, so I wasn't crazy about the compliments. I just try to remember that 99% of people are being kind and trying to be nice to you when they give you a compliment, even if at times it feels insulting.

I have been at goal for about six months and I still run into people who feel the need to comment on how much I lost...by the time they're done talking about it, anyone in the immediate vicinity knows I used to be a monster. It's really embarrassing and I would like to put the fat me behind, however people like to say nice things and so I swallow my humiliation, I smile, and I say thank-you. No one is intending to be rude or bother you, they are just trying to be supportive...even if that is at times annoying.

Ditto to what others are saying, a nice "Thank You!" is the best response and let that be another golden charm in your bank of support and encouragement to keep up the great work.

Having said that, let me offer an observation (interested in what others may also think about this):

Its very odd that the transformation we make of ourself creates an inverse perspective. Not to say that we had to hit 'rock bottom' before making the decision for surgery, but for many it came close. At least it was a moment of clarity for me, that this was the best option.

My reference to 'inverse perspective' is this: As many of us lived a good part of our lives heavy and over weight, we sort of looked at the world 'thru the eyes of a skinny person looking out'. Either because we avoided reality or that we simply didn't acknowledge our heavy-ness, we went about our business eating often and substantial.

Then ... we had surgery and started to loose weight. For many of us, a LOT of weight and fast. At this point, we transformed to seeing the world 'thru the continuing eyes of a heavy person looking out'. Either from guilt, or because we did eventually face reality and its very hard to see ourselves as the new person we have now become (not making the moth-to-butterfly analogy here, but it sort of fits).

So, for the opposite reasons from before, we still don't see reality. But this time, its a great reality to WANT TO SEE

Thats sort of how I see my situation, and perhaps it may apply to others.

-RC-

Thank you for all the replies. Definitely help put thing in perspective. I suppose I will simply say thank you. When I did that on Fri, my friend continued to make comments. As some of you mentioned, I know her intentions were good but it's like "enough already". But I suppose this is something I will have to get used to.

I love lipsticklady's response

Those compliments are concrete proof of how far you've come. So it doesn't matter how far you still have to go. Enjoy where you are now, give yourself a little pat on the back, and bask in the knowledge that it's only going to get better!

This. Every positive step you take deserves applause. It takes nothing away from your succees today to know that you still have a ways to go. If you were in college and did well on a chemistry exam, would you turn away complements knowing you still had two more semesters to go?

A compliment is a sincere effort by someone to acknowledge you. Smile and say thank you. You will be getting lots of practice