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Do you all think we will EVER learn that everyone doesn't want or need the identical things in a relationship?

Stop criticizing others who don't want what you have to offer or offer what you need. That just makes them "the wrong one" for you. It doesn't make them *wrong* or "new-fangled" or "old-fashioned" or "evil" -- it only makes them not right for you and you not right for them.

Move on.

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Do you all think we will EVER learn that everyone doesn't want or need the identical things in a relationship?

Stop criticizing others who don't want what you have to offer or offer what you need. That just makes them "the wrong one" for you. It doesn't make them *wrong* or "new-fangled" or "old-fashioned" or "evil" -- it only makes them not right for you and you not right for them.

Move on.

Really? Really. So there is no such thing as crazy? No such thing as someone who is just weird and messed up crazy?

Well my stepmom always says there is a lid to every pot!!!

Sorry but there are crazy men out there and there are plenty of jerks too and since this is my thread I reserve the right to judge, critique, complain, and vent about whomever I please!!!

And if you don't like it, I suggest you start a thread entitled "peace love and fuzzy kittens!!!"

????

Hahhahahahha!!!

Also you are happily married! So it's easy for you to say as you sit in your cocoon of love and comfort. It's much harder to go through this than one would think and I think we all deserve a vent once in awhile!!

I mean really.

Edited by bellabloom

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@@bellabloom ... My last post above wasn't directed at your OP, but at @@Dr-Patient 's comment suggesting that "men have so lost their way" and blaming "the women's movement" for the failure of men and women to find satisfying relationships.
Of course, you and Dr-Patient are entitled to your vents. I was venting a bit, too.
BTW, I wasn't born happily married. ;) I was married for 12 years to the worst possible match for me. What a misery that was -- for both for us. And then I was single for 15 years, learning what I needed in a relationship and why I'd stayed in such a terrible marriage with someone who, upon long reflection, was one of the worst persons I could have chosen to live with.
You live. You learn. You move on.

I totally agree and understand. It seems that everyone is freakin' crazy these days!! Men have SOOOO lost their way.

That said (and I know that many of you won't like this, but...) I feel that the 'women's movement' jacked up a lot of men. Men don't know when to compliment a woman [for fear of getting charged with harassment]; if they can hold the door, or pull out a chair. All these women with "I can get it myself," or "I don't need a man for a,b,c,." or...whatever. Men are often 'weaker' emotionally [oddly!], and their emotions don't process as well as we might think they should.

That said, all this family dysfunction, etc. It's all related. But yes, men are crazy these days. But to hear men tell it, women are too, but I don't know cuz I don't roll that way. Male and female--the way God made us.

But yes, we have to now deal with folks who no longer know how to relate, how to court, schmooze, or just be appropriate anymore. All around sad times, on so many fronts, in modern society.

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This post is starting to take a turn for the worse.

WHERE IS THE LOVE FOLKS? I'M NOT FEELING THE LOVE.

:)

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@@bellabloom ... My last post above wasn't directed at your OP, but at @@Dr-Patient 's comment suggesting that "men have so lost their way" and blaming "the women's movement" for the failure of men and women to find satisfying relationships.

Of course, you and Dr-Patient are entitled to your vents. I was venting a bit, too.

BTW, I wasn't born happily married. ;) I was married for 12 years to the worst possible match for me. What a misery that was -- for both for us. And then I was single for 15 years, learning what I needed in a relationship and why I'd stayed in such a terrible marriage with someone who, upon long reflection, was one of the worst persons I could have chosen to live with.

You live. You learn. You move on.

I totally agree and understand. It seems that everyone is freakin' crazy these days!! Men have SOOOO lost their way.

That said (and I know that many of you won't like this, but...) I feel that the 'women's movement' jacked up a lot of men. Men don't know when to compliment a woman [for fear of getting charged with harassment]; if they can hold the door, or pull out a chair. All these women with "I can get it myself," or "I don't need a man for a,b,c,." or...whatever. Men are often 'weaker' emotionally [oddly!], and their emotions don't process as well as we might think they should.

That said, all this family dysfunction, etc. It's all related. But yes, men are crazy these days. But to hear men tell it, women are too, but I don't know cuz I don't roll that way. Male and female--the way God made us.

But yes, we have to now deal with folks who no longer know how to relate, how to court, schmooze, or just be appropriate anymore. All around sad times, on so many fronts, in modern society.

Gotcha. I was really just teasing. :) I'm super easy going and don't actually get upset at all about what people write on here. It's a free forum.

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I did the online dating when Match was Love@@aol in the early 2000's. Went on a few dates, met one of my best friends (he married a woman off the sight and I'm auntie to their daughter). It was fun...then. Fifteen years later and I'm back in the dating pool after a five year self-imposed exile after a painful breakup. I took the time to reevaluate myself, my wants, needs and aspirations. Plus, I went back to school. Now, I'm older, much thinner, happier and have very specific things I want and don't want in a relationship. Living where I do, the dating pool is pretty slim.

My wants: 1. Must be within 5 years to absolutely no more than 10 years of my age. 2. Must have gainful employment or be retired with pension, etc. 3. Have their own home, apartment, etc. 4. No young children. You'd be surprised how many 50+ men will write me who have 2,4,6,8 year olds! I raised my children and have grandchildren that age. I'm no ones weekend mama. 5. Be financially secure, I'm not saying has to be wealthy. He just can't be relying on credit cards or his mama to get by. 6. Be intelligent. Holding a conversation and having the ability to use proper grammer is a must. I have dismissed men online for writing bios where there is no capitalization or punctuation. 7.Be willing to travel. I like the beach, skiing and visiting other countries. 8. Like to snuggle, kiss and enjoy intimacy.

I don't think my list is too much. Almost forgot, nosmoking, drugs or felons. (My iPad hates the app and dislikes the website lately)

,

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@@FinallyFit50s - good list, plus guys near your age understand gravity wins, so relax, you look great and you are healthy. I'm not kidding that this is a number's game. It's not personal. The search means you have to almost ruthlessly cut lose people who don't match your criteria. I don't mean careless hurt people, I mean you have to stay focused on what's important to you so you are not distracted by the enabling alcoholic who worms his way into your life because you felt sorry for him (See http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/352466-they-seemed-sanedating-horror-stories/). Its a process, it can be fun if you let it. It can be rewarding if you are so blessed. But I am always humbled by the reality that you have to be open for the blessings that fall into your lap unexpectedly. Somehow the universe seems to reward our efforts in unexpected ways.

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@FinallyFit50s: Your list is precisely my list. I remember one guy I dated being all up in my thing because of the "must have gainful employment/pension" detail. I explained that these were my values. I wasn't looking for someone to support me; I just had the self-awareness to know I could never get on with a man who felt the desire to "live off the grid."

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So, yesterday, I began to chat with a guy on a dating site. He fits all of my criteria. His second message asks "What's your figure like?" My response was to tell him that it's changing....surgery, etc. And that I have had 5 children, and finally "curvy" is my best description. He proceeds to ask again.... I am thinking he wants my bra size...

I entertained a whole bunch of his other very personal, sexual questions. Then decided enough is enough and told him I wasn't comfortable discussing these things with someone I don't know. Conversation abruptly ended. This is typical of my online dating experiences.

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@@RILEYSMOM22 would you mind cross posting this over here?: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/352466-they-seemed-sanedating-horror-stories/page-9?hl=%2Bdating#entry3976591

Let's add to the tales of woe, that is bad

Edited by OKCPirate

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So, yesterday, I began to chat with a guy on a dating site. He fits all of my criteria. His second message asks "What's your figure like?" My response was to tell him that it's changing....surgery, etc. And that I have had 5 children, and finally "curvy" is my best description. He proceeds to ask again.... I am thinking he wants my bra size...

I entertained a whole bunch of his other very personal, sexual questions. Then decided enough is enough and told him I wasn't comfortable discussing these things with someone I don't know. Conversation abruptly ended. This is typical of my online dating experiences.

You should have asked him "How big is your package?". When he told you, you should have replied back "Mine is bigger".

:)

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@@RILEYSMOM22 As soon as a guy starts asking sexually-charged questions in a first or second conversation it's time to drop him and block him immediately. You are looking for someone who wants you for all of you, not your assets.

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@FinallyFit50s: Totally agree. The same for if they ask how I dress. That's another indication that they are they type of man I would never be compatible with. If you are looking for a doll, I suggest buying a sex robot.

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@@RILEYSMOM22 As soon as a guy starts asking sexually-charged questions in a first or second conversation it's time to drop him and block him immediately. You are looking for someone who wants you for all of you, not your assets.

....assets, you had 1/2 of that word right regarding what that guy was looking for. :)

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