OMgoodness!!!

I am driving myself CRAZY!

Ten days until surgery and I am not excited. I am sticking to this 14 day liquid pre-op diet, on #4. Head hunger is quieting a little, as many of you have stated it would.

My concern is seriously that I am NOT excited, I am NOT happy, and I am questioning myself every day! I feel like this mindset is not normal. So many people post how excited they are and how they cannot wait for their new life to begin.

Well, I am pissed! I am mad that I have an eating problem; angry with myself for failing before; feel like WHY go through with this if I am STICKING to this liquid diet now, why not just keep at it; anger, sadness, remorse, self loathing, self pitying - hate it. Feel like/acting like I am being sentenced to prison.

But then I look at myself and see this three hundred + pound woman and read my BMI and say, "you really don't have a choice if you: want to live longer; not hurt when you walk; buy clothes at ANY store; and God forbid something horrible happens to you and you need physical assistance from someone and you are still obese! Will they care for you with dignity, will they be able to move you easily or will they look at you and decide - the next shift can clean her/turn her?!" So although this surgery is ELECTIVE, intellectually it isn't.

Someone, throw me a life saber (and a damn life saver!!!)

You are not alone.....many people feel as your do. I'm sure the pre-diet and head hunger aren't helping. I dread that as well, but you are doing this for YOU and for what you NEED to be a healthier person.

Suggestions:

Write something positive down every morning you get up that the surgery will do to improve your life. At night before going to sleep reread it.

Remind yourself you WILL succeed and this is a gift to yourself.

We all self loathe...even fit & healthy people do it too. Look at this as a new journey in your life...taking a new road, discovering new adventures, etc. Set small goals for yourself. Every 20 pounds do something special- a mani, massage, and so on.

Don't give this up - you can do it!!

In the weeks leading up to my surgery date, I had massive mood swings from elated and excited to scared and angry and wanting to cancel it. I, like you, stuck to the liquid diet without a single cheat and lost nearly 20 pounds in 2 weeks. And yes, the thought crossed my mind "well I could just keep on the liquids and avoid surgery" but is that realistic? Probably not. It works for the short-term but it too would fizzle and I'd find a way to self-sabotage. Surgery was the only sure-thing to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Hang in there. I promise, some of this is just the sugar leaving your body kicking and screaming and holding on for dear life. It gets better.