I took down my profile etc - not currently doing the online thing. I have reflected on why i feel so jaded (or whatever) about it and I think it boils down to a couple of things. It takes me a long time to warm up to a person in the sense of feeling true attachment, stirrings of "love" etc. I am very outgoing/social so I am comfortable with people from the beginning, but I am talking about that feeling of being invested. What made sense to me was to casually date, likely more than one person at a time, slowly getting to know them until those feelings start to emerge. I think that is how it used to be done pre internet? I dunno, I spent most of my life as part of couple so surely not the expert on dating of any era.

Anyway, what i have found is that most relationship oriented/seeking people want you to focus on them, "give it a chance" exclusesively. I can see their point, and I have tried that a couple of times with the typical it lasts 3-4 months results. I have talked to enough others who have been single for awhile that it is very common for them to rotate through "girlfriends" or "boyfriends" in about that time frame. Long enough the newness wears off but before either is committed to working through differences.

When I tried the strategy of "just dating" I generally encountered men who were not very relationship focused and when our situation didn't turn physical right away, they tended to disappear.

I think some women really get into the being "wined and dined" or the excitement of someone new. I tried to convince myself that was fun, but really it often felt like work. I have more fun going dancing, hanging with friends and family, going riding, going hiking etc. I have been asking myself if i felt the need to be charming and entertaining (not even because i wanted a second date but just because!) and that is what felt like work? More likely it is that feeling of being interviewed, observed, watched for signs of "show stoppers" - it is like the culture of online dating is REALLY FAST I NEED TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE ACCEPTABLE. The other experience I have is the feeling like "oh good you look like your pictures, lets go!" as though there is no real interest in me as a person. I get all that, and I probably do the exact same thing, but I hate it and am tired of it.

So, at least for now, i have decided I am not suited for this online thing. I now meet lots of men in real life that are interested in me (okay, I haven't met any that i am interested in, but it is a start!). I am just gonna keep doing the things in life that I do and just set this aside for now.

I'm with you cowgirl Jane. I'm feeling much the same way. The thrill of wining and dining has worn off and I'm simply burning out on the process.

It's so stressful to spend time talking with someone I don't know, deciding what to share and what not to share. Especially if there is no chemistry. I'm not going to open up about myself deeply anyway and it's just brutal to make my way through all these dates with men I don't like.

Even when I do meet someone I may like, it's not going well. I am running into the sexual seekers quite often which I find annoying and depressing. I'm not going to jump into bed with anyone right away and it's tiring to see these men try that with me. I feel depressed thinking of their lack of patience and desire for real intimacy. It bugs me a ton when they begin texting me sexually before I've even had a chance to meet them.

I've run into a ton of men who are online dating because they don't have any time in their life, they are wrapped up in work or kids and it's like going to target- everything you need with minimal effort. They say they want to date but clearly they have no desire to make time for a relationship so I'm just guessing this is the lazy way of doing it for them.

I'm getting really jaded and burnt out and I'm having a hard time getting excited even when I do meet someone I like. I've had several dates go to hell on the second date and that's even more frustrating and awkward.

I've most definitely run into men who are interested mainly in my looks and that feels just weird considering my history and they seem super shallow. I'm running into a lot of guys who's really goal is to date a very thin woman and that's just crazy to me. A lot of guys fixated on weight.

Anyway I'm taking a break for awhile too.