Unsupportive partner

[jane13 2,256]

@@Pinkgirl1234 @MisforMimi - I agree with both of you~

@@KnowUrWorth @@candygettingsleeved - you two need to focus on yourself and getting through surgery. some people are insecure and when they see others moving in a better direction they get ugly. Neither of you need that crap with the journey you are starting.

keep your heads up - and move on!!!!

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

You all need to ditch these f*ckers immediately. Love is not the be all end all...support and complementation are. OP and the rest of you, this is obviously worse than the more typical situation we read about here, in which the partner butters you up and says there's nothing wrong with you and doesn't want you to stop being able to eat pizza and burgers with him/her. This is far more toxic. No person on earth is worth being with if the cost is a diminished sense of self. And that is true whether you are having bariatric surgery or not.

[Bean80128 80]

I have a feeling this is going to be an unpopular thing to say but, it sounds like you have an extra 200 pounds of unwanted fathead to get rid of. Nobody needs that or deserves it and you are going to need a cheerleader in your life to help you with this!

[KnowUrWorth 17]

Your right.. His negativity isn't going to do me any good. I just don't know what to do, I do love him so so much but I'm also so hurt by him. I'm so confused.. I just wrote my feelings down and sent it in a text to him - even tho his asleep next to me, at least he will read it before work and hopefully wake up to himself

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

It's usually ok but when we argue it can get full on and he can be quite nasty & say some hurtful things. We've got 2 children together. 2 year old & 3 month old, so you'd think he would be a lot nicer but that isn't the case. It's not the first time his put me down about my weight. He always apologies and says he only said it in anger but I just don't know when enough is enough..

It is only going to get worse. That is how abusers are, they abuse, apologize and keep abusing. You won't be successful in this environment. And kids deserve better than parents who argue. Your relationship affects your children.

Try counseling, and if it doesn't work move on. Counseling doesn't really change people though, it just helps them better mask their true selves.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Absolutely....I agree...you need to make lots of changes...life is way too short....you are trying to extend your life by making yourself healthy...if one can't deal with that...show them the door....YOU matter.

[sweettea 300]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sounds like he doesn't deserve you. It is emotional and verbal abuse. They're always sorry. My husband has never once talked to me that way. He has always said you can't hide beauty.

[judyoz 240]

Honestly, I would be more worried about HOW he is talking to you than if he supports you WLS. Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way, especially by a partner.

[sweettea 300]

@@candygettingsleeved

You should read this thread too. You shouldn't be talked to this way.

[Freemimi 9]

Hun..please keep us updated. Remember this is your journey not his. Big hugs sent your way.

[smithhome 5]

So my partner hasn't been very supportive of my upcoming surgery! During an argument tonight he referred to my savings for my surgery as my "fat money" an I looked at him disputed and his response was "well it's true the reason your getting surgery is cos your ******* fat" .. I'm so hurt right now... ????

Hi there...I too have an unsupportive husband. He tried for a year or more to belittle the idea because he feels it's not worth a major surgery, when some are able to lose lbs w/o surgery.

Then came the, "what if you die?" argument. Finally he admitted that he knows that he feels comfortable with my being overweight. That his opinion on this is more about HIM than me. So, now we're saving for the surgery and he's "ready"... he will take care of me no matter what, but his emotions will be more erratic than mine. It's SO hard to deal with men like this. I feel your pain. Let's pray for one another and maybe we can support one another in some small way!

Contact me if you need to talk it out.

God bless!!

[Pescador 1,374]

As you grow emotionally and healthier, focus on your life ahead. You will get stronger and your babies will get a little older, and you can plan. I used to visualize my verbally abusive second husband would be beating me with his cane when we got old. Four years and I was pathetically abused and a mess. Tearing me down, humiliating me, then telling me it was for my own good. they are called misogynists. Find the book, Men who hate women, and the Women Who Love Them". It saved my life. Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. Read up on it.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

You said, "It's usually ok but when we argue it can get full on and he can be quite nasty & say some hurtful things. We've got 2 children together. 2 year old & 3 month old, so you'd think he would be a lot nicer but that isn't the case. It's not the first time his put me down about my weight. He always apologies and says he only said it in anger but I just don't know when enough is enough.."

Look up the Cycle of Abuse. I am a survivor of domestic violence, including death threats from an unstable ex who kept five loaded guns in the house.

When I finally had to go to the doctor to have my injuries looked at, he said. "Why are you still there?" I said because I love him. The doctor asked, "Why would you love someone who treats you that way?" That doctor was very supportive in helping me escape from that mess.

It is no secret here that bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of a relationship. My first ex was "just kidding" when he told me I was too ugly to live. My second ex "didn't really mean it" he when he said he wished he could beat the godda** shi*out of me.

Actually, as much as his cycle of tirades and apologies hurt, you are now seeing what he really thinks of you, and the lack of appreciation he has for your love. Examine your realtionship and how you two contribute to each other's day. What's in it for him, and what's in it for you? What was in it for my exes was cooking, laundry, housekkeeping, errand running, a second income to pay for their hobbies, and free degrading sex when they weren't out with someone else. What was in it for me was tears and humiliation. I ate what they ate, watched what they wanted on TV, wore what they told me to wear.

Bariatric surgery is going to help you re-invent yourself. I am guessing that he is not being all that lovely to the children either. I know that the politically correct thing to say is that you should do this for yourself, but the domestic violence survivor in me says to turn that fat money into revenge money. Do what you gotta do to keep your dignity and peace of mind and go get HOT!

[KnowUrWorth 17]

Your correct on so many levels.. I sit here typing this through my tears. Nothing is ever easy with him. When we're good - were really good but when we're bad - were really really bad. He can't own up to his wrongs and apologise for them without me pushing him to do it. And you know it's funny the things you say - he has said. Lots of times through anger has said he will come smack my face in - not that I think he would but the threat is there. He throws things in anger. Yells and carry a on or just up and leaves and turns his phone off. It can be quite upsetting at times. But then I get stuck because when we are good I love him so much. He plans things for us to do as a family, he is caring and affectionate, plays with the kids and helps me around the house. It's the bad side of him I hate

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@KnowUrWorth ... I'm still looking at your name.

So sorry for your suffering.

I hope you don't endure it much longer.