As most of you know Sept brought about the death of my step-father's Dad. Then Oct brought the unexpected death of my dear aunt. Well two more losses have come and I want the universe and the powers that be know and hear me. "I have had enough losses for one year."

First, did I tell you about our coi fish? John needed to learn how to drain the coi pond cause it keeps getting too full. So he calls the Coi people. THey send a tech out, mind you he speaks very broken english. He shows John how to drain the pond then John demonstrates to the guy how to return it back to normal. The tech shakes his head yes. So John drains the pond some and then puts the pond back like it was before he started draining. He thinks everything is OK. He gets up the next morning and the pond is DRY and all our fish are dead. John told me about this the day after I got home from my aunt's funeral. It happened while I was gone. He felt awful about it and harbored some of the blame. I told him it wasn't his fault at all. The coi people gave us some (2 or 3) coi and GOLD FISH to replace what we lost. Can you believe they gave us GOLD FISH to replace our COI????? Then charged John $100 for two larger coi. I was mad. But John wanted to do that. OK I gave up the anger and gave into the loss. I was devastated. Two losses like that in one week was too much. But I got past it.

Second, this morning Alicia, my daughter who lives in Clarksville, TN, calls at 5am my time. She was backing out of her driveway and felt a bump. She stops the car and notices her cat run behind the house. She goes and checks on him and he is coughing and meowing loudly. He, the cat FELIX, wants to go into the garage so she opens the door. He doesn't want her and Wayne, Alicia's hubby, to see him so he hides. ALicia goes back upstairs to call the vet, which isn't opened till 7:30am and it is 7am. SHESH!! She goes back downstairs and sits beside Felix. He lets out this horrendous cry like someone has sit on his tail. She pets his head and picks him up and he dies in her arms. She is devastated. She has had him for over 10 years. He was our family cat for the longest time then she took him for her own. He was such a great cat. He never ever hurt any of the kids even when they pulled on his ears or tail, and always knew when one of them was hurting and would go lie beside them. He was a great cat. I am devastated as well. I loved that cat. It is really hitting me hard.

Too many losses in one year for me. To get through this I am going walking. I made myself a protein shake and will do my morning walk as usual. If I don't do this I will revert to comfort being found in food. I will NOT let something like a death undo all the good I have accomplished. This is gonna be a hard day for me. Thanks for being here guys and gals.

Nurse Penni Money, are you better today? I don't see you on-line.

Hi ya guys; Doing some better today. Not crying at the drop of a hat at least. LOL!! Got my sense of humor back. Went walking this morning again and this time John went with me. We walked 1.5 miles at around 20 min. So improved my time. Would have walked more but have a huge number (60) of people showing up at our house tonight and need to get it cleaned up. Will give you updates after they all leave. SIGH!! Pray for me. I wanna leave tonight and hide in a corner. LOL!!

With all your accumulated stess, I don't blame you for wanting to hide! But we all know that won't help. Troubles will find us. The very best thing for you now is to be around people who care. I think it is sweet that John went on your walk with you.

My thoughts are with you. May your pain heal quickly and leave fond memories of all who have passed.

Hey: Just had a delivery of our new coi fish. And guess what? Felix has been reincarnated as a fish. GO FIGURE!! He has a bullseye on his side just like he did when he was a cat. Same side same shape. So guess what the new COI's name is. You got it FELIX the fish.

Penni, life is so unfair sometimes. I am so sorry for your multiple losses. Let yourself feel the pain, cry, mourn, and try to find a special way to remember your stepfather's father, your aunt, your fish, and Felix. I believe you are right when you say that losing Felix was like losing a child. Please don't try to tell yourself that you shouldn't be as upset as you are because Felix was a cat and not a person. Those of us who share our lives with animals love them, dote on them, and are amused and comforted by them for years on end. We have to acknowledge the courage this takes because somewhere in the back of our minds we know we will probably outlive them. Yet we still give our hearts completely.

I commend you for coping so well with everything. And by that I do not mean that you aren't feeling sad and upset, but that you are choosing healthy ways of processing your feelings like walking and sharing with us.

Bereavement is the price we pay for loving, I guess, and when you look at it that way, it's worth it, isn't it?

I had a similar week five years ago. I know it hurts.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,

Nancy

Penni- you are in my thoughts and prayers. ((((Hugs)))) to you!!!

Penni,

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. It sounds like you are having a horrible time and I hope that things get better.

Babs in TX

334/192/170

-142

Thanks guys for all your support and prayers. Things are definitely better right now. IT gets easier every day. Thank you again.

Hi Penni, I am so glad to hear about Felix the Fish; I just know that one will be your favorite. What a cool thing to have come into your life right now right when you need brightness and healing. We have never met in person, I only know you here online. When I read your posts I think of you as you were in the fun pictures from your party in Vegas. You are a beautiful girl and I pray that you will heal and your face will once again be filled with joy and smiles as you were on that weekend. You are well loved in your home and in this family as well. I will hold you close in prayer and thought and ask God to send His love and healing to you.

Congrats on your new walking time. I am reaching for my walking shoes right now -- I want to be like you Penni Girl!!!!!!!! Take care, Theresa Marie