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Keep WLS a secret from family and friends...



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This is a super interesting conversation. Thanks for sharing! I am in a similar boat as many of you - hesitant to tell friends and coworkers. And for similar reasons: what if I regain the weight?, what if they judge me?, what if it's awkward?, what will happen in social settings?, etc.

Another layer that adds to it for me is that I'm a pastor of a church -- so there's kind of a "spiritual failure" aspect to my heaviness -- and also a piece of my recovery process that is in public because of my public career. I'd hate to lose a ton of weight and have my congregation think I did it without the tool of WLS if that was the truth. Not only because it'd kind of be a shade of falsehood, but also because there are others in the church struggling with weight -- and my example could give them permission to get this kind of aggressive help.

It's sure scary though.

So I haven't told anyone.

I am writing a blog but haven't shared it on my Facebook or anything yet.

(Tobypass.wordpress.com if you're interested )

If members of your congregation are judgmental, then maybe they missed the "Judge not, unless thee be judged" (I tried to paraphrase it the best I think it is stated) saying that is written in the New Testament.

Edited by 4MRB4PHOTO

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I don't think anyone needs to know other than close friends and immediate family.. Just my opinion

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This is a super interesting conversation. Thanks for sharing! I am in a similar boat as many of you - hesitant to tell friends and coworkers. And for similar reasons: what if I regain the weight?, what if they judge me?, what if it's awkward?, what will happen in social settings?, etc.

Another layer that adds to it for me is that I'm a pastor of a church -- so there's kind of a "spiritual failure" aspect to my heaviness -- and also a piece of my recovery process that is in public because of my public career. I'd hate to lose a ton of weight and have my congregation think I did it without the tool of WLS if that was the truth. Not only because it'd kind of be a shade of falsehood, but also because there are others in the church struggling with weight -- and my example could give them permission to get this kind of aggressive help.

It's sure scary though.

So I haven't told anyone.

I am writing a blog but haven't shared it on my Facebook or anything yet.

(Tobypass.wordpress.com if you're interested )

I can understand how you feel my family is very active in church and many of my family members are ministers and pastors but when my uncle (who is a pastor) had the surgery they were all very supportive. Many of my family members struggle with obesity and so I do want to be able to show them that the surgery is a good option especially for those of us who are in our 20's. My plan is to tell them after I have the surgery done in case anyone decides to be negative. The people that I have decided to tell have been very supportive and are praying for everything to work out for me.

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I've told my father,mother, daughter (who is 11) and step mother. They were very supportive. I also have told 3 of my closest friends 2 have had wls, of course they were excited. I also told my sister in law she also had wls. However I told one of my cousins and she was like "oh... How long have you been trying to lose weight?" I did not react to the comment. She is probably 500+lbs, she kept saying I need to get back on track with eating healthy and working out.

So after that conversation I won't say much about it to her because I don't need negative feedback or comments from her. My daughter didn't like the thought of mom having surgery, but I used that same cousin as an example of the reason why I want to embark on this journey. She fully understood. I haven't shared on social sites except instagram, under a different name. I just don't want to hear I took the easy way out.

Hi Thanks for sharing. You really have to be prepared for this journey... I've had WLS before that went horribly wrong. Now I am re-embarking on this journey nearly 7 years later. One thing I can tell you is that it's not the easy way out. Having surgery is a life long commitment to being on the ball forever. It's not like a diet where u can say oh I'm going for a meal I will carry on my diet the next day. You will need to learn about nutrition alot more after WLS than ever before. Trust me don't feel like your taking the easy way out. A doctor once told me... Obesity is a disease and WLS is just the medication you need. Good luck on your journey I hope everything goes well for you! x

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I had looked into the surgery years ago, and decided not to do it. I was criticized for it and praised for it. This time, very few people know I am considering it. It is a decision between me and my doctor. I don't want to hear anyone else's opinion on it either way.

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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