Being a Big Guy and Dating

[Daveo 485]

So I had VSG on 2/9/15 and was 467 going in and now I am 394 which I am down 73 lbs. I am feeling good but am very lonely. I work and go home no friends to hang out with other than work and they are all working on my days off. Been thinking of online dating but being a big guy I don't think I would have much luck right now. Just wondering if it is best to wait on trying to date until I shed more weight or should I start now? Would be nice to find someone to be active with and have someone. Any thoughts?

[jennafah 81]

I don't think my advice will mean much of anything because I have some of the same issues as you. I'm only 3 weeks post op but and I am single as well but I don't really feel the need to date. I would love to be in as relationship but I kinda feel like if I get into a "situationship" right now it'll be for all the wrong reasons (comfort, companionship, affection, intimacy) and right now I want to get to know and love me so that I can meet the right person and not Mr. RIGHT now.

Plus love makes you gain weight and I need to lose! Lol!

Edited May 21, 2015 by jennafah

[Mary Jane T 44]

I think you should start creating friendships with women first and if anything develops its bc they liked the real you no matter what size you were. Easier said then done I know but when someone falls in love with you they will Celebrate your weight loss victories along with you. ????

[Daveo 485]

The dreaded "friendship" lol, yeah I have had plenty of those. I would really like to find a friend right now but even that seems impossible to find at the moment.

[BackSpin81 350]

So here's my 2 cents, if you're ready to date go for it!! I met someone online the week prior to surgery, then went out on a first "date" during my second week post-op. It was not a traditional first date (dinner, drinks, etc.) of course and he knew that I had had surgery on my stomach and wouldn't be able to go out to eat or drink but wanted to hang out anyway. So we did! I carried my Water bottle and we went for a walk.

I definitely say, go be social!! Go out, go meet people, or get online!!

Good Luck!

[AussieSam 234]

I could date women but my wife wouldn't like it much but on a serious note go for it mate be yourself don't be shy of who you are or how you were. All the best.

[Daveo 485]

LOL, yeah your wife might not like that AussieSam.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

A couple of things I have found out while dating:

1. When you look, you rarely find. Let IT find you!

2. Weight (as other physical features) shouldn't play a role in your relationship, other than from a health standpoint. They either love you, or they don't. I was ALOT heavier than I am now when I met my husband. It had no impact on him. He loves ME.

If you would like, read my story on this forum (How to successfully find....), it tells all, and it WORKS. It's all about faith. Good luck to you, sir, and best wishes....

[gowalking 10,790]

I didn't want my weight to impact who was checking me out (NOT interested in chubby chasers) so I waited till I was happy with my size before going online. Might I suggest if you are not ready to jump into the datiing pool but still want friends and support...look for weight loss support groups in your area. Ask if the hospital hosts any groups, or your bariatric doctor. Even Weight Watchers or OA has support groups. This way, you find people who are like minded and it's a way to socialize without necessarily dating yet.

[bahuber5477 88]

I know this is hard! Its hard for me to! But here is my opinion...As a single lady...I would absolutely love to find someone that shares my goals. That is trying to be fit and wants to be healthy with me (Sometimes I think my life consists of work, working out, sleep and eat) Understands my busy lifestyle and is willing to help keep each other motivated. These things are really hard to come by and a lot of people you meet are only half assed in in terms of their goals. I may not be where I want to be but I'm all in for life. This is a lifestyle CHANGE and it has to stick or my weight loss wont. I will not be over 300 lbs again.

Thanks and good luck to you!

Brittany

[joatsaint 2,814]

I say, start your online dating NOW! If nothing else, you will get practice writing a profile that expresses your personality, and practice your conversation skills with the ladies, and you can start reading profiles and see which types you would like to date. Plus you might even find a match. Never give up!

Let me share my experience with online dating. I've been on online dating sites since 2000. And being overweight, didn't have much luck - I was #270 from 2000 to 2008ish. :-) I had a dozen or so ladies respond to my emails over that time, but most quit responding after the third email. It was probably me.... not knowing how to carry on a coversation and/or not knowing how to transition from email to phone to meeting in person. But I kept hoping for that one connection.

After I got up to #370, I did not have the self confidence to believe that any lady would date me, but I held out hope and stayed online and sending contacts to ladies that seemed interesting. But I still got a few responses and some I got seemed to be from hurt jaded ladies who had been in bad relationships.

2012 I had VSG and didn't feel confident to date anyone till I was at least back down to #270, it would take a year to reach that weight goal. But I still kept on reading profiles and sending emails to the ladies. Very few responses. And for some reason, the ladies that contacted me first, and wanted to talk, were at least a hundred miles away! No way I was going to drive that far for an initial meeting. So they were out of luck and so was I. :-P

I started getting a few responses after I was getting down into my #250's and had a few in person meets, but nothing worked out.

In Feb, 2015, I got an email from a lady - with no profile photo and barely any info in her "about me" section (I usually pass on these profiles, as they don't give me enough info to see if we have common interests). But I took a chance and emailed her back. We've been dating ever since. Things are going good between us.

So I had VSG on 2/9/15 and was 467 going in and now I am 394 which I am down 73 lbs. I am feeling good but am very lonely. I work and go home no friends to hang out with other than work and they are all working on my days off. Been thinking of online dating but being a big guy I don't think I would have much luck right now. Just wondering if it is best to wait on trying to date until I shed more weight or should I start now? Would be nice to find someone to be active with and have someone. Any thoughts?

[drmeow 323]

Another forum I post on regularly is for women in the midst of separating or divorcing their husbands. One woman there wrote about Meetup, which is an online thing, not dating but just finding people near you who have similar interests. You just search Meetup + your town, and I was surprised to find so many groups near me with all kinds of things - book clubs, hiking, biking, dogs, fantasy gaming etc (that last one is not one of my interests LOL, just pointing out the variety) It seems to be generally singles but I don't think couples are excluded automatically, may depend on the group. But the person who suggested this had found several new friends and some interesting dates that way.

Less stressful than online dating IMO.

[BackSpin81 350]

Another forum I post on regularly is for women in the midst of separating or divorcing their husbands. One woman there wrote about Meetup, which is an online thing, not dating but just finding people near you who have similar interests. You just search Meetup + your town, and I was surprised to find so many groups near me with all kinds of things - book clubs, hiking, biking, dogs, fantasy gaming etc (that last one is not one of my interests LOL, just pointing out the variety) It seems to be generally singles but I don't think couples are excluded automatically, may depend on the group. But the person who suggested this had found several new friends and some interesting dates that way.

Less stressful than online dating IMO.

I loooove Meetup! I find different groups whenever I move to a different state! I've even made a few best friends via Meetup.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Have you seen this site yet?

http://www.loveafterwls.com/

[Daveo 485]

Have you seen this site yet?

http://www.loveafterwls.com/

Yeah I signed up last night. I have no problem going on Online Dating sites it is getting responses back. lol

I may try meet up and see if I can find a group or something. My problem is socializing, I work mid shift so I am always working at the time most people have off.