When I started this journey in January, I decided I was only going to share with my husband, 2 teenagers, and sister. But now that my surgery date is a week away and I've started my pre-op diet, I think I need to tell at least one friend. I need someone to talk to about this. I wonder if my reluctance to share is because despite my rational argument that having WLS is a positive thing, I'm still feeling like I'm somehow a failure by not doing this on my own without surgery. I know, I know (I can hear you now) - I would be a failure if I did not have WLS. But still, the feeling persists....

I tell everyone - I blog about it!

The only person that knows about mine is my husband

@@sleeve32 - If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay with me - what are your reasons for keeping it quiet?

I started with a lower bmi of 35. I've been researching it for almost a year before I decided to do it. I did it for me not everyone else. My family is very critical and every time I would say something about my friends surgery she did 2 years ago I would get answers like that's the easy way out or she wasn't that fat to begin with and we were close to the same size. It's just easier for me to keep it to myself

I get it, when I first decided to have the surgery, since I feel like it's my only hope to loose weight, I wasn't going to tell anybody. I felt guilt that I couldn't do it on my own and I didn't want to hear all the negative people tell me "it's not going to work, you'll just gain it all back" "that's not for you, you love food to much" "you'll never exercise enough" "you'll be miserable" etc etc But I figured they were going to figure something was up when I wasn't doing my usual eating and loosing weight so I told a few folks, just not my dad yet, don't want him to worry. And yes I got several of the comments I stated above. I haven't found the support I needed from my friends. Some just don't believe in me, some just are jealous and some think this is the easy way out. Honestly I'm tired of defending my decision and I am just going to let my actions speak for me.

My husband, my boss (so I could have time off for appointments) and a few close friends. I'm not ready to tell the world yet

So far I've told my sister and my grandmother. I intend to tell anyone in my family who is interested. I'm going to tell my boss and my team (I am a manager) but I haven't decided yet on who else. I guess anyone who asks.

One thing you have to keep in mind is that they can say things and they can judge, but they CANNOT change your reality. Only you can do that. And they cannot live your life and they aren't thinking about what's best for you. You think about what is best for you and you will be okay, no matter whom you tell.

I am going to be honest with people, and very open, because that is the sort of person I am (very open, very to-the-point, don't like skating the truth or hiding it). And that is who I am comfortable being. And because I am comfortable with it, I know that no matter what they say to me, I always am able to say something back, and possibly educate them, and it could be a really positive experience for both of us. And if it's not, f*ck em. Their opinion is irrelevant to my happiness and success.

And if they don't say anything and just judge later, well, not much you can do about that. What will change in your life, what one little thing will ever change, by their thinking you're taking the easy way out? Most people don't have that much control, friends. Just something to think on.

I personally think the more people are open about medical conditions and procedures, and the less shame they feel about it, and the more obvious it is to other that they are unashamed, the less alien it will be for everyone else who observes it, and the more likely they are to start thinking that maybe there shouldn't be any shame attached to it (as is right). But in the end, you should do what you are comfortable doing.

Edited May 15, 201511 yr by offwithherhead

I do understand that everyone has very different feeling on this subject. However, I tell everyone, even wait staff who wonder why I have only eaten a few bites! I am not ashamed of me, my decision to change my life or any of my WLS. If people who do not bear our cross of food addiction THINK this is the easy way out, I can not help that but, maybe I might effect a change in some person suffering as we all have by being open and honest. I share all about my eating disorder, the medication I take for that, my two WLS's , and my struggles and high points as well. I never shove it down anyone's throat but, if I am asked, I share my honest experience. I will admit that when I first had my band, I was a bit more effected by the people who spewed their negativity toward me but, I now have a much thicker skin. Also, having had such a hard journey my first go round, I wish more post op patients would have met me on the street and spoken to me about how they really felt sometimes, maybe I would have been on my correct path a bit sooner! I think the bottom line is, this is a whole new beginning for us all and you should do and be what ever you want! If you want to keep it private, or be an all out there advocate its all up to you and people should respect that and remember what we all learned in kindergarten....if you don't have anything nice to say...DON'T SAY ANYTHING! lol

Please don't feel like a failure. You should be proud of yourself for making these huge life changes. Weight loss surgery is not easy and it definitely is not the easy way out.

Just because a woman has a C section doesn't mean she did not birth a baby. It just means she had a little help. This is the same thing, rather than having a beautiful baby at the end you will have this wonderful new lifestyle. You will be healthy and you will feel accomplished knowing that you did the real work. As for who to tell that is completely up to you. However just know that there are so many others going through the same thing and I don't see you as a failure. I am proud that there are so many of us wanting to take back our lives!!! Best of luck to you on your journey