1 band, 1 year, 1 new life

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Today is my one year bandiversary. I am at the lowest weight I have been in decades. I started at 302 and today weigh 194. I've lost 108 pounds and have just under 50 to go. Almost all of the weight so far was lost in the first 7 months. Then I bounced around with the same five pounds up and down for the next five months.

This past two weeks I became energized again and I now believe I will make it to my goal weight this summer.

Life with the LapBand is incredible. Although the band doesn't stop me from overeating (that's my job) or from choosing high calorie foods, it does help me to stay satisfied on less food for several hours. In other words, the hunger that always derailed all of my previous dieting attempts is solved. The band takes care of hunger between meals. All I have to do is ... everything else.

Everything else means choosing solid Protein and passing up carbs. Limiting alcohol which is pure sugar and has the added side effect of allowing me to feel it's ok to nibble while I drink.

Everything else means no snacking between meals. Snacking wakes up my hunger.

Everything else means no tv eating. Ever.

Everything else means walking. Taking the stairs. Every day and lots of times a day.

Everything else means saying no to helpful people who suggest just one bite won't hurt. I know better.

Everything else also means ...

... Working on the reasons I turn to food instead of to people.

... Seeing a therapist twice a month.

... Going to OA and to CoDA.

... Believing in success and never letting go of the goal.

I didn't get WLS to be prettier or sexier.

I didn't even really get it because of all of my health problems -- high blood pressure. sleep apnea. GERD. Debilitating osteoarthritis. Swelling in my feet and legs. A dozen different medications to take each morning. Horrible lower back pain.

I got WLS because my life had narrowed to unbearable dimensions, where I found myself at age 53 in an emotionally abusive marriage with a raging narcissist. Marriage counseling failed. I ate every night into what I call my food coma. If I had my food, all the chaos around me would temporarily go away. Until it didn't.

I knew that I could never get myself and my college age girls out of that environment while I kept eating. I had to stop. I couldn't stop. But I had to stop.

I looked into WLS and started the process. My husband was coldly critical but didn't say much. I didn't ask permission. My daughters were very supportive.

I got my surgery. I started exercising. I dropped weight quickly and felt better immediately.

A few months later, when his rage escalated, I took my girls and the dog and left him. I haven't looked back. My divorce is in process and it's the most painful thing I've ever done. He continues to try to manipulate the three of us from afar and has stalled the divorce at every turn. It's costing me a fortune. It's worth every penny.

I stopped losing weight five months ago. Last week my divorce therapist and I talked about this. My identity as a wife - poof. My identity as a mom - fragile with my girls away at college. They don't need me every day anymore. My identity as a daughter - in extreme flux since I'm living with my mother right now. She has control and anger issues herself, and that's a daily struggle. I spend a lot of time outside of the house. It's time to focus on my new identity.

My head is back in the game today. I'm making better choices. I'm making new friends and finding social things to do instead of living like a hermit. I'm working on the underlying psychological issues that allowed me to live for years as if I didn't matter.

I know that without WLS I would have never stopped eating. If I'd never stopped eating, I would still be on that couch, waiting to die.

I am proud of the changes I made in the last year. It is so much more than going down in size. I have truly recovered my self. The self that I buried under food all of my life.

I'm scared witless about finding a new house and starting over. I'm scared to make decisions for myself. I was told my whole life that I didn't know what was best for myself. I don't believe that anymore.

Today I know better. I know that I made a good decision getting my LapBand and I made a good decision leaving and filing for divorce. I will make good decisions when it comes to a new home and taking care of my new body.

I see threads on here often asking if WLS changes a relationship or harms a marriage. I'm one person who got WLS because I needed the strength to do what I knew I had to do.

Happy surgiversary to me. My whole life has changed and I couldn't be more grateful.

[gowalking 10,790]

I have never met such a strong group of people as are here on this forum. I am honered to know each and every one. @@JustWatchMe, I have been following your story and am in awe of your strength and determination.

I am so glad to call you friend and so happy for you for taking this important step to get your life back. You are an amazing woman. Congratulations on each and every accomplishment.

Liz

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Thank you, Liz. Back atcha.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

Congratulations on your amazing success and progress. I wish you much luck in your renewed efforts and achieving your goal weight!

[2babutterfly 483]

???????????? your words are amazing! You deserve every bit of happiness! YOU are worth it! Congratulations on your fantastic success!

[Julie norton 2,850]

How great to spread the good energy on going forward. ????really insightful Because what's left behind....didn't work

We all have chapters yet to be written

[Murni 6]

Congrats! It's so very hard to 'start over', but you have shown great courage in the changes you've already made. Maybe moving out on your own will be easier than you think. Best of luck to you on your continuing journey. ????

[briefs199 337]

Wonderful story. You are very inspiring and good luck on your weight loss and new life !

[finediva 979]

@JustWatchMe. Yeah!!!!! Good for you! I was humbled by your post. I Celebrate with you and wish you peace and blessings.

[terrydumont46 1,954]

i also have found inspiration in your wt. loss. and now to know your story,. well you are just amazing. Great job and happy anniversary.

[Bandista 7,466]

Hi there, my third attempt to post -- troubles with my iPad. Just want to say congratulations, friend. SO happy for you and proud of all you are doing to reclaim your life. And grateful you are here with your self-honesty, humor and commitment.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Thank you, everyone. You all give me strength and hope.

[borg/assimilated 576]

Congratulations on your surgery anniversary and weight loss! There is no doubt you will continue to be successful in your new endeavors.

[catfish87 3,471]

@JustWatchMe Your screen name kinda says it all.....Congrats! I wish you much continued success.

[FairySleeve 297]

Congratulations! for the surgiversary and for your new life.