What did your family say?

[KF2007 66]

I have told only my mother and my younger sister about my decision to have WLS, and after some chatting with each of them, they have come to understand my choice and even support me. My older sister however is a fitness buff, loves beachbody, going to the gym, clean eating etc.... and im actually afraid to tell her. I really want her to know, because i feel like keeping my having surgery from her while others know would be bad for our relationship.... but at the same time, im afraid she wont support what im doing. Im sure i would get the "you can do it without surgery" talk. Im very nervous.....

[JamieLogical 8,684]

I only got the "you can do it without surgery" talk from my husband. My parents and siblings were incredibly supportive immediately. I'd go so far as to say that my parents were HAPPY and EXCITED with my decision to have surgery. I think the difference is that my parents and siblings had seen me struggle with my weight my whole life. They had seen all the ups and downs. They had seen me trying to diet as far back as middle school. Whereas with my husband, I was at my lowest adult weight when I met him, having just lost over 50 pounds. He has seen my weight fluctuate up and down since then and he had seen me at my highest weight back in 2009. But then he saw me lose 90 pounds "on my own" only to regain the weight after my plastic surgery. I always had excuses for my weight regains since I was with him.... knee problems... complications for plastic surgery... more knee problems... broken elbow... And he always bought into my excuses, so he still truly believed I could lose and maintain the weight on my own, had I not run into other physical problems. But I knew the truth. Those were all excuses. And I think it diminished my husband's perception of me when I admitted that I had used those as excuses.

[Swampdoggie 477]

I agree with Jamie. I was banded in 2008 and my parents were supportive but didnt think it was a good idea actually. My husband was supportive. I had the surgery and it didn't "take" for me. I thought long and hard about the sleeve, about a year I guess. When I'd decided I didn't want to tell my mom because its a more drastic step than the band, but to my pleased surprise, she thought it was a good idea. So did my brother who is a buff military guy, and that was suprising too. Maybe its because I'm older but my peeps have been focused on the better health weight loss brings and want for me whatever it takes to get healthy. In the end, it IS all about better health - the good looks are ancillary - and the statistics say the vast majority people who are overweight and lose WILL regain. So yeah, maybe when you're ready to talk to your older sister, you could focus on the health and regain issues. However, at the end of the day, YOU are all that matters, so you gotta make the decision that's right for you.

[bikrchk 1,313]

So, someone disproves of your decision. SO WHAT? If you've done your research, discussed with your docs and have determined that this is the best course of action for YOUR health, what is the problem with having someone disapprove? HAVE the talk as tow adults, maybe you come to an understanding, maybe not, but it's YOUR decision, NOT hers.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

What did your family say???

@@KF2007

your sister "might" surprise you

she knows you've been unhappy etc

from what you've said about her

she "might" comment about losing in different ways than surgery

whatever she says - you've probably already done it

in the long run

you've made your wise decision to have WLS

what a smart cookie you are!!

so if she is not happy/maybe even mean

oh well

you don't need her approval

try not to be scared of telling her

the sooner you have your talk, the better

when i told my 4 siblings they were very happy for me

supportive beginning to end

and now through maintenance

oh no............

i almost forgot

hubby and daughter were great and always supportive too

my now 85 year old mom was also thrilled about me having surgery

she was screaming in her happiness

jumping so high, almost hitting our 9 ft ceiling!!

but...............

her happiness was for different reason (I think)

she was always my biggest critic

always "reminding" me about my weight situation

(like i didn't know)

her excitement stemmed from her being disappointed/upset in me

appearance speaking

she took me shopping one day many years ago

in the middle of an area, she yelled to a sales person

asking where the clothes are for overweight people

i could have died!!

of course i'm speaking for her thoughts

who knows maybe i'm wrong

but i'm not wrong

don't worry my friends, she is a big topic in my therapy sessions

its ok, that i complain/bitchhh

but, after all is said and done

she will always be my mom, through good and bad

and i stilll love her (usually LOL)

maybe i said too much about my personal issues

but if i can't tell my wonderful fellow sleevers,

who can i tell?

thanx for listening

i feel so much better now LOL

kathy

@@KF2007 I didn't forget you were the subject LOL

good luck with sis

stand tall and firm

kathy

Edited March 13, 2015 by proudgrammy

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@proudgrammy - I love you! You are so grest and supportive of everyone here, THANK YOU! I, too, had a mother like you (God said "enough, already" and took her home 15 years ago at age 64), so I know your grief, but you are SOOOO important to those of us on this website. Again I say THANK YOU! And God Bless YOU!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

• @ @proudgrammy another typo....should have said GREAT and supportive!

[gal friday 176]

My father was actually the first person to suggest it. We both had had bands, and naturally, being a woman, mine failed. After years of not losing weight, my dad came to me and said he'd heard about other people like me, and that they'd switched to the sleeve and done well. Because of my dad's lifelong struggle with his weight and his success with the band, everyone in my family was supportive, as were most of my in-laws.

My father in law on the other hand . . . he thought I would be a failure. And he made that clear many, many times. He's not a bad guy, just tactless. I finally snapped and said that undermining me was really freaking counterproductive, and that he could keep his opinion to himself - it's not like he hadn't already grilled me on how the sleeve worked and how I could (would) ruin it all a dozen times already. I told him to put a sock in it, and to his credit, he did.

Losing 30 pounds in 3 months certainly shut him the hell up!

[minniegirl 258]

My Mom & Step Dad were over the moon happy that I was having it (wls). Great right? Not so much for me, it hurt that they were so overjoyed because I have always known or FELT that they thought less of me for being overweight. For example. I have foot issues that are not related to my weight (idiopathic neuropathy and pain, my 125lb cousin has the very same problem, NOT weight related) I have explained to my Mom so many times that this is not weight related and when she found out that I was doing the sleeve she said "Wont it be wonderful for your feet not to hurt anymore?" We have a family cruise coming up in August and shes so excited that I might be THIN by then... I KNOW they love me dearly but all the women on that side of my family are thin and Ive always been the one with a "weight problem". UGH

Then there is my aunt on my dads side, shes always been on the heavy side and we are VERY close, lots of good times and definitely eating buddies. Shes been "supportive" but has brought up every worry she could think of and just asked me to consider them (like "if you STILL want to do it then I support you" type of thing) and right up until the night before surgery she was reminding me that there was no shame in BACKING OUT...

All of the above just annoyed me and added to my stress. Afraid of failing and disappointing my mom yet again and afraid of failing and having my aunt secretly saying to herself "I knew this would happen".. All pressure and thoughts I don't want.

My adult kids were just supportive, asked some questions and said "cool!!""sounds great Ma!"

Then theres my husband, my DEAR SWEET husband. He met me at 145 and I truly believe he found me just as attractive at 265. He just loves ME. He told me "You don't need to do this for your appearance you know, you are beautiful inside and out. but if you are doing it for your health then I support you and will try to drops some pounds too, right along with you". What more could a girl ask for? I love him more today than I did 20 years ago!!

[smiranda 55]

My husband knows obviously. I also told my sister in which she did have the bypass about 3 years back. Thinking I would get support from her because she went through it, I don't. I'm 5ft and have a BMI of 40.6. She feels that I don't need it. Now my sister is 5'1 and use to weigh close to 300lbs. I think she thinks it's a competition with her. I ain't competing against anyone. My family history is obesity. She don't realize that I have hypothyroidism and Polycyctic ovaries. All I wanted was her support but all I get from her is a negative attitude. I told my friend who also had the surgery and she's excited for me.

[MrsB2007 90]

Initially I wasnt going to tell ANYONE. Gossiping jerks would have assumed I was on drugs if I didnt tell some of them what was going on.

I chose to tell my sister in law (husbands sister) and my other sister in law (brothers wife), a couple of aunts, one female cousin, my mom and of course my BFF & husband. They are all so excised and super supportive. They are anxiously awaiting the big day.

Now, there are a few family members that I have talked to about just weight loss in general. They have given that attitude that "just eat less, exercise more the weight will come off." or "I ate better / less and I lost tons of weight. You can too at your young age."

I sometimes wonder if people truly think that we havent tried before..yanno? Like I just woke up fat and said hey, I will just go have surgery! Id rather not exercise or eat right. Screw that! I have done the "eat right and exercise" thing since at least 2009. Many people have done this yo-yo crap for 20+ years!

At the end of the day you just have to say this was my choice for MY health..Not yours. If you cannot support it thats your choice. If you dont have something nice to say to me let's just not talk about it-period. No snide remarks. No nit-picking at you.. Just go on about your lives as if the surgery never happened. Kind of crappy to have to do that but its much better than the constant fear of losing more self-esteem over THEIR approval of who you are.

[NewgirlfromMd 63]

I'm glad you asked this question. I am having surgery this coming Thursday and I am still struggling with telling people. My husband, and a few friends & family know. I'm just not sure how to talk about it with other people. I know I get judged already for my weight & I don't feel like offering myself up for more judgement and criticism. I don't care so much if they approve or not because they don't know what's best for me, I just don't want to be Center of attention for any reason. I guess I will learn as I go about how to talk about it but for now it isn't public knowledge in my life.

[KF2007 66]

Thank you all for the stories and experiences! i did tell my sister shortly after posting this thread. i have not heard from her, she hasnt answered me at all. I love her and hope one day she realizes why im doing this but until then i will keep reminding myself that this is for me and my daughter. this is to be healthy... not to make anyone else happy. Im glad to know that there is support here if not immediatly from friends/family!

[jlcohio 24]

My husband has been very supportive and he is proud of my weight loss. My sisters were very supportive but I was afraid to tell my brothers. I figured they would give me the "you can do it yourself" lecture. Surprisingly they were not too bad and have since become very supportive. You are doing this for you and no one else. Don't fret about what your sister thinks. If she loves and cares about you she will come around. As you loose weight and get fit you can start working out with her. Hang in there.