I would not consider YOU a successful WLS patient!

[IcanMakeit 1,319]

You are one of the people I looked up to and learned from when I arrived at this site. Your friend should have read some of your posts and responses before saying something she obviously knows nothing about. She was probably speaking from ignorance rather than malice, but I don't blame you for being upset by it.

You say the doctor is not a bad guy, but I think he sounds like a jerk. In one totally unnecessary comment he damaged your feelings of accomplishment and hope. Who does that?

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

RJ- I am puzzled. How can someone tell you that you don't belong in a support group? Why would you take that feedback to heart? Of course you belong here.

I know you have been through hell and back even though I don't understand why.

What I also know is that state of mind and attitude are HUGE toward good health and healing. I don't know why it keeps happening, but it seems like every interaction you have iwth the medical field is fraught with negative and painful emotions. I realized you can't change THEM but you can change how you choose to feel about it, respond to it etc. I think you SHOULD consider some sort of counseling - and I don't mean talking to a shrink but perhaps learning some techniques like guided imagery or others that help enable your mind to help your body heal. It is a way of training your brain to bring in positive emotions and feelings which is healing over the stress and anxiety feelings that can make any of us sick.

You always have a positive word for everyone. I hope you can find it for YOURSELF. I know that is easier said than done, but I also know it is possible.

It was more about what advice I could offer that really upset me. Not about the advice others give me...Although it was implied that there is nothing anyone could say to help me either. I disagree with that and know I have received help and compassion from a lot of people here. So that is not even an issue for me...

I got to thinking if that is the only thing I can talk about is a botched surgery then there is only a small number who can relate...So it got to me and I was upset.

The Doctor saying I was a survivor not a success also bothered me. Because when I put that ticker down each time. I felt like I was winning and succeeding.

I am seeing a lady who is helping me with my past and what that has done to me. I am hoping that she can help me let the past go. I have made changes but it is a slow go..Hard to change yourself when you are 56.

I have said more then once that if I am not helping others I will go. WLS is my baby now. It is so important to me. It was a gift to breath life back into me and it did that. I live to aid and be there for others. Right now it is here on this forum.

The medical field in this area. Well they are mostly against WLS. I am a reminder why I guess. They are quick to tell me that. I am only a tiny percentage. The majority do great but they are doing it on their own because there is no support for them here. It really P****S me off. And yet every time I try to push it I get the door slammed in my face. They only know about me because of my issues. Most of the patients don't talk about it.

I was told not to talk about it. Not mention it and don't put myself out there. It is nothing to be proud of. Okay..I am not proud. I did what had to be done...And when that has been said to me I say back so who is there for all the WLS patients that are struggling? Who are helping them? Who listen to them?.....Who says you can do this?....NOT THEM that's for sure.....

Edited December 12, 2014 by RJ'S/beginning

[Stevehud 1,790]

RJ I meant coddling in a good way, like sometimes everyone needs a little extra hug or such to get by.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

RJ I meant coddling in a good way, like sometimes everyone needs a little extra hug or such to get by.

Thank you so much for explaining your meaning. I can only guess since I don't know you personally. so it always helps when a person explains. that was sweet of you to post again.

And you are so right..we all need compassion and tender loving care at times!

[Stevehud 1,790]

Yes all, I said coddling , as in handling with care, even babying because baby steps are very necessary sometimes. Don't apply a negative connotation to it. It is a very positive thing.

I, am going to have to rethink posting responses. I think Ill read and maybe ask questions, but if I write a word someone doesn't like , woo I get torn apart. .

But Give Em Hell RJ.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

My mother had terminal cancer and at the phase when her doc gave up on her she pleasantly said "well, it's not your neck on the line " and she found a different one. She lived another 25 or so years. My point is that it is OUR bodies, our health...our necks on the line. I see doctors like mecanics....awesome to find a great one but in the end me as a person is what's imprttant not the mecanic.

So, you DO belong here, you ARE a success story and you DO encourage many. What does the mecanic know about all that?

I just encourage you to not let some doctor impact you so much emotionally. I really believe my mom's git er done attitude contributed to her long survival even after stage 4 hopeless cancer diagnosis. Turns out the mecanics don't know everything.

[jjinWA 511]

RJ I meant coddling in a good way, like sometimes everyone needs a little extra hug or such to get by.

I like the word cuddling better then coddling. Let's cuddle instead of coddle from now on. Ha! RJ, we all love you. Hang in there.

[DivaSue 23]

My mother had terminal cancer and at the phase when her doc gave up on her she pleasantly said "well, it's not your neck on the line " and she found a different one. She lived another 25 or so years. My point is that it is OUR bodies, our health...our necks on the line. I see doctors like mecanics....awesome to find a great one but in the end me as a person is what's imprttant not the mecanic.

So, you DO belong here, you ARE a success story and you DO encourage many. What does the mecanic know about all that?

I just encourage you to not let some doctor impact you so much emotionally. I really believe my mom's git er done attitude contributed to her long survival even after stage 4 hopeless cancer diagnosis. Turns out the mecanics don't know everything.

You are so right CowgirlJane!! Time to find a new doctor!

I work in healthcare and one of the best things you can do is get a second opinion. I would look for a PCP with an interest in WLS. Maybe ask your program for a referral. Thinking about you healthcare providers like other service folks, like mechanics or lawyers. They are only people... And they have their prejudices. Find a doc who believes in WLS and then they will be in a better place to help you. You can fire a doctor!

[kimpossible67 608]

NOOO! Do NOT leave this site! You're dr sounds like he needs a course in bedside manner. What an ass! You are an inspiration to so many of us! So you have some issues you were playing on, they can be dealt with. However and I don't know how much you've lost but hell, there would be far more issues there. Say picking out your burial plot. Hang in there, we are all here for you!!! Hugs!

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

After all you have been thru and how you jump over every obstacle you are the definition of a success story. A success story is only possible for people who don't give up. In fact I think I see your picture next to success in the dictionary. Don't let other people label or define you. He may be a good doctor and hopefully help you with this issue but he doesn't know YOU! He only knows the words on the medical records. So don't hold his ignorance against him. He's never been fat, never faced the hurdles you have. He knows nothing about YOU!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,358]

Yes all, I said coddling , as in handling with care, even babying because baby steps are very necessary sometimes. Don't apply a negative connotation to it. It is a very positive thing.

I, am going to have to rethink posting responses. I think Ill read and maybe ask questions, but if I write a word someone doesn't like , woo I get torn apart. .

But Give Em Hell RJ.

Don't change....I think you have the right to express your opinions as I do...We need each other. Don't over think your answers for two reasons. They may not come out the way you mean them or if you are always so agreeable. Even I would get tired of reading your replies....lol

One time someone said something on here and I took it badly..I yelled at him via a reply. His reply back was to much testosterone for his liking and he disappeared for a while. After a while he came back and I was so glad to see him..I respect his views a lot! @@Recycled

[borg/assimilated 576]

Well RJ, I think you can garner from all the responses here the indication as to whether or not you should be posting on this site! Quite a testament to your value here. Your advice is always well thought out in your responses to others. We need to hear about all the different outcomes and complications of WLS, including the less desirable ones and how to persevere through them. There is so much to be said for the voice of experience. Yes, you are a successful survivor! You are invaluable.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

RJ, just like the sleeve, that Dr. is a tool (hehe, get it?) He was put in front of you to figure out why you have passed out and how to fix that. He is single sighted, has the eye on the ball and doesn't know shlt about the bigger picture. You have done what you were asked to do, lose the weight. When you went in to see him, the ball was in his court... and he told you what to do to solve the health problem. You (really its the surgery) are a failure of his craft (health, not looks) .... and he wants to fix it. You don't need to feel bad that he said you are a failure... its not YOU. Its the complex meeting of the surgery and your body biology. Like you told him, you were the walking dead before you lost this weight. You are better off now, even if there are still some problems. You will take his advice, and probably get some relief from your body. ( controlled grazing is practiced by many here with success... its the uncontrolled grazing that gets us into trouble) AND you will be a normal weight which is a cause to PARTY! People here need to lose weight, and a lot of other things are broken as well. Why should you be a saint? You have done the first part, and thats what we all have in common.. so tell whoever it was that implied you don't belong here to get back to the work of losing the weight, and leave their negativity at the door (at least most of the time!) I have been coming here for 4 years and Im not "fixed" yet. Does this mean I should just quite the place? Heck no. My friend are here, and lots of big and little advice that gets me through the day. There is NO cure for what I have! Just maintenance day by day.

[jessiquoi 623]

Success is getting up one more time than you fall down.

Using that definition, you are the EPITOME of success. NOTHING keeps you down! And as far as not belonging here, that is just to ridiculous to address. We help you, you help us, we all help each other just by being heard.

For goodness sake! Isn't it awful the way some people say things that strike us to the core? There are others who can say anything and not affect us, but we give some people power to affect our feelings. This is normal, and unfortunate. However, the people we give this power to don't always deserve it. Either they don't know what they're talking about, or they don't have the sense to couch their words in a way that will be received well.

I read every one of your posts in the year leading up to my having surgery. Knowing what you went/are going through helped me tremendously to make an educated and informed decision. If for no other reason than that, you belong.

Geez! *hugs*

[SBovee 20]

RJ- I am puzzled. How can someone tell you that you don't belong in a support group? Why would you take that feedback to heart? Of course you belong here.

I know you have been through hell and back even though I don't understand why.

What I also know is that state of mind and attitude are HUGE toward good health and healing. I don't know why it keeps happening, but it seems like every interaction you have iwth the medical field is fraught with negative and painful emotions. I realized you can't change THEM but you can change how you choose to feel about it, respond to it etc. I think you SHOULD consider some sort of counseling - and I don't mean talking to a shrink but perhaps learning some techniques like guided imagery or others that help enable your mind to help your body heal. It is a way of training your brain to bring in positive emotions and feelings which is healing over the stress and anxiety feelings that can make any of us sick.

You always have a positive word for everyone. I hope you can find it for YOURSELF. I know that is easier said than done, but I also know it is possible.

It was more about what advice I could offer that really upset me. Not about the advice others give me...Although it was implied that there is nothing anyone could say to help me either. I disagree with that and know I have received help and compassion from a lot of people here. So that is not even an issue for me...

I got to thinking if that is the only thing I can talk about is a botched surgery then there is only a small number who can relate...So it got to me and I was upset.

The Doctor saying I was a survivor not a success also bothered me. Because when I put that ticker down each time. I felt like I was winning and succeeding.

I am seeing a lady who is helping me with my past and what that has done to me. I am hoping that she can help me let the past go. I have made changes but it is a slow go..Hard to change yourself when you are 56.

I have said more then once that if I am not helping others I will go. WLS is my baby now. It is so important to me. It was a gift to breath life back into me and it did that. I live to aid and be there for others. Right now it is here on this forum.

The medical field in this area. Well they are mostly against WLS. I am a reminder why I guess. They are quick to tell me that. I am only a tiny percentage. The majority do great but they are doing it on their own because there is no support for them here. It really P****S me off. And yet every time I try to push it I get the door slammed in my face. They only know about me because of my issues. Most of the patients don't talk about it.

I was told not to talk about it. Not mention it and don't put myself out there. It is nothing to be proud of. Okay..I am not proud. I did what had to be done...And when that has been said to me I say back so who is there for all the WLS patients that are struggling? Who are helping them? Who listen to them?.....Who says you can do this?....NOT THEM that's for sure.....

I'm curious who told you not to talk about it? Your Dr or people here? Sometime talking about things/venting is the only way to make it through a tough situation.