Hello Everyone.

My name is Matt. I'm 26 and living in NYC as a singer/writer. I'm 5'9 and 410 lbs. My weight has inhibited my life in countless ways. It has prevented me from blossoming into what is a promising singing career, stood in the way of a healthy romantic relationship, and seriously bruised deep friendships and family relations.

My Gastric Sleeve surgery is in a few days and am feeling the need for some reassurance. I am having doubts as to how I can seriously change the way i eat. food has always been the highest priority for me; most of the time without my even realizing. It simultaneously numbs and comforts me like nothing else, not even music, can. I am in psychological counseling and also consider myself to be a food addict. Have any of you grappled with food addiction pre and post surgery? How have you dealt with this and have you been successful? I have been to Overeaters Anonymous meetings and found them to be helpful. I will continue to go after the surgery as I think I need the support to maintain what will be my new lifestyle.

I wouldn't call myself a food addict, but saying I have an effed up relationship with food is an understatement. I have been fat forever and was diagnosed by a therapist as having BED (binge eating disorder) earlier this year. I've never gone to OA, but I go to therapy for an hour and a half each week to work on the core issues that led me to morbid obesity. Is not food; it's me. After all, food never attacked and devoured me, it was the other way around.

I really appreciate your honest post and I get where you are coming from. Food allowed me to feel in control or out of control. To feel decadent or gluttonous. Food never told me I was fat and it was always available. Both friend and enemy. .. or so I thought.

I've learned that my perception is skewed and that I spent an awful long time trying to make discomfort comfortable. I cringe at the thought that I've been destroying myself forkful by forkful for the better part of my life. Getting down to some of the effed up messages that I believe about myself(my worth, self-image, shame, guilt) was where I began in therapy. I spent a couple of months pre-op working at digging in to those patterns so that I can recognize them for what they are and exchange them for new, productive ones.

I'm about 3.5 weeks post-op. The hunger I experience is only in my mind now. It's scary sometimes to think about the forever aspect of this surgery, but the one day at a time concept fits well for me. I, too, wondered how I could ever change my ways. It's still surreal that I'm actually doing it! It feels great to be participating in the process of building myself up as opposed to the converse.

Congratulations on your willingness to try something new; that is what recovery is all about ,doing things differently, finding new solutions to our problems. I'm certain you can do this.

I have 2 days until surgery! Im 29 from Seattle. I am also a food addict and have been involved with OA. My next goal after surgery is counseling. I know if I dont change the mental....I cant expect success in the long run. Knowing your weakness is one thing but learning to overcome it is another. I wish you the best of luck, and remember to stay positive. Its amazing what a good attitude can achieve

Hey Matt, wishing you the best of luck. Use your surgery as the tool it is and I am confident you will succeed with your new weight loss surgery. Those of us that have struggled with our weight certainly know disappointment when we yo yo with our weight, but this is your key to success. My surgery is in 4 weeks and I am beyond excited. Good luck my friend

I will be as honest as I can be with you in regards to MY experience.

For the first several days, maybe couple weeks, I didn’t want anything. After several weeks, I wanted something to chew so bad I could not stand it! Finally released for solid food and could chew! I was still satisfied with very little and did not really “want” anything. Fast forward 10 months and it is not hard. I can eat more with more ease and I am fighting “head hunger” and cravings daily.

YOU CAN DO IT! You can fight it. It is much easier to fight when you are NOT hungry. You just need to psych yourself up and get through it. I wish I had a world of advice to help you, but I am still working on fighting it myself.

I wish you all the luck in the world, friend. If you need anything, I am happy to help if I can.

You're definitely not alone. I read a post a while ago by someone else here that made me understand things a bit better. The poster said she would never be able to stop her destructive habits with food on her own. She said the sleeve provided her with a stop sign that she never had before, and with the inability to abuse food, many of the struggles you speak of were no longer possible. Forced change. A stop sign and pause to give you time to continue your OA meetings and counseling. If you take advantage of your stop sign, embrace change and continue therapy, I think you'll do fine.

Im using my sleeve as a forced change, like the above poster suggested. This is exactly what I am doing. I am forcing a change on myself.

Matt

Good luck with trying a new tactic. Those old diet yo-yo ones can be gone. It is SO FREEING to not be hungry and driven to seek food! That is what lots of us get w/ WLS. It is my hope for you❤️

The world looks different after. It is so worth trying. I was so tired of being tired and hungry and over 250 lbs.

I found a new weight. Health. And a way better life!!! We want that for you!

Keep posting!!

Matt ~

You can do this. The good news is you don't have to do it alone.

Stay Calm and Carry On!

????

Matt I can relate 100%. I am just sitting here thinking about all the ways food was the dominant force driving my life. Like a big bus heading toward me ready to run me over...I can either cower and close my eyes or lean into it. I am choosing to lean into it. No more excuses...no more I will start a diet tomorrow...no more last meals at McD's. I am ready for a change. Missing family and friends because I don't want them to see me has to be the worst. I can't do that anymore. I have an 11 year old daughter I need to be around for. Two high school sons to make miserable until they move out. I am prob 20 years older than you (judging by the picture)...don't waste the next 20 years doing what I did. Change.

Thank you everyone for your replies and kind words. I really appreciate it! Looking forward to this journey.

Someone had recommended the book "Beyond the Refrigerator: Navigating Live After Weight-Loss Surgery". Its an account of one person's struggle with the mental aspect of food addiction.

Hey Matt!

I'm a 26 year old singer/visual artist from Nashville, TN. I have spent my entire life being overweight (except for a small period in high school when I was anorexic). I have never had a healthy relationship with food. In high school, I lost 70 lbs and was absolutely terrified of food. Now, it is my best friend. I wake up in the morning thinking about it. When I'm bored, I get on yelp and find local restaurants to try out. Food has been my comforter for so long...it doesn't care what I look like or how much I weigh and it is always there. But it has destroyed my life - I love to travel, but can no longer fit in an airline seat. My body aches every night when I go to bed. I used to run five miles a day and now I get out of breath climbing a flight of stairs. I would love to have children with my husband sometime soon, but my weight does not allow for that. Obesity has stolen so much from me....so I'm not waiting any longer.

My surgery is this Thursday and I am so nervous. There is no going back. I am so excited but also, a part of me is sad. Because I AM addicted to food, and the way I view food is going to change forever. And that's scary to me. But spending the rest of my years like this is even more scary.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to do this. That my mind is going to ruin everything. That I won't be able to lose the weight, even after surgery. So many fears! But this is necessary for survival, and happiness. For both of us, it seems! Be brave! And I will, too ????

Best wishes and good luck!

-Kati

Hi Matt,

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so glad for all of the previous posts - Great reassurance and info!

I struggle as well & will be having the sleeve in about a month. I was a healthy weight the first 2/3 of my life but had a lot of loss/trauma and used food as comfort and to eat my pain which led to a 125 lb weight gain. I've found myself getting nervous these past couple of weeks & am once again turning to food. In my opinion, two things are really key - 1) therapy and 2) to try to find other things to turn to. I just finished an intensive outpatient program for eating disorders (3 hours a day, 3 days a week for 2 months). We had 5 therapists and had group, skills, nutrition, medical, art and DBT therapy. The DBT therapy was probably the thing that affected me the most - because it is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and focuses on how to change behaviors. We also focused a lot on self-care, self-love and getting to the bottom of our problems / why we use food. I know that therapy will always be another tool in my toolbox, and I have an appointment this Friday to deal with my pre-op anxiety.

My suggestion is to look up anything in your area that can help with those 2 things. This is also such a great place for support & info. I wish you only the Best!!