I have been seeing someone for I don't know...6 -7 weeks? anyway, it has been going pretty well - we really have a great time together and he likes doing active things so our "dates" tend to be fun stuff like kayaking, hiking, horse backriding as well as wine tasting and all that. Really, everytime we have had a very good time together, never run out of things to say etc.. I have had the feeling that even if it doesn't turn into a serous romance, maybe I have made a new friend and that isn't so bad either.

I haven't been seeing anyone else even though we aren't really that serious yet, mostly because i am pretty busy and just get ... defocused ... if I try to date several people casually. I am not good at it.

This man seems like a good, responsible, fun, great looking, fit and very intelligent man but there are some things that are red flags for longer term compatibility - example, he is an extreme neatnick and I have animals and live on a small farmette... sometimes there is dog hair and dirt involved. I sort of felt like since we are having a good time, to not overthink it and just let things fall where they fall.

So, last weekend, we spent too much time together.ha. I went to an party of people he knew one day, and then he joined me on an all day horse ride and luncheon and wine after party hosted by my best friend (there were 8 of us which is a good crowd for a riding based party!). We had a great time both days - and the horse party was especially FUN and he loved it and my friends. At my friends party, we were invited to a party this Saturday by another friend which I enthusiastically accepted for me; leaving it open for him to decide if he wanted to go. (this becomes important later)

I noticed, or rather became bothered by the lack of physical affection and I guess because we spent 2 days in a row together (as opposed to our more typical seeing each other about once a week) so I brought it up when he called me on Monday. Upshot of it was he communicated some things to me that made me just so tired of this whole dating thing. I need to be fair, he didn't exactly use the words I am about to use....but this is how my brain heard it. "I am just not that into you, don't think we are a long term prospect. Women get possessive once a relationship turns physical so not sure I want that with you either." WTF? I have never called him except to return a missed call. We see each other once a week, not exactly stalker like behavior in my book. I realize he didn't directly accuse me of being a crazy psycho woman, but it made me feel that way - sort of the statement that "all women" do "X". Example, he said he hates it when women want you to account for your time. I don't recall EVER asking him what he did yesterday or whatever even though he always volunteers very boring information about doing yard work, or going out with his best friend etc. I don't require or desire a blow by blow accounting of a persons day...sheesh.. I got stuff to do myself you know!

And, I am not sure he has already decided we aren't a good long term prospect or not, but he made me feel that way. He says his reason is that we live an hour apart, but for dating someone once a week I find it hard to believe that is really the reason. And besides, if I were a stalker crazy b*tch you would think that the distance would be an advantage. I frankly have reservations about our long term prospects too so I can't exactly get upset by that but it was very discouraging. I mean, why is it that middle age adults feel like they need to have all the wild emotions of a teen love - what is wrong with growing a friendship and seeing if it turns to love? The conversation ended with him saying that he really likes seeing me and wants to keep doing that. WTF?

i freaking hate "dating" - just when I feel like things are going pretty well, easy and low drama and fun and then I suddenly feel really "undesirable" as a result of a single conversation.

I am a pragmatic person, I realize I may not find "true love" at this stage of life but I want many of the benefits of a relationship and one of those benefits for me is the intimacy and feeling desired and appreciated as a woman. I feel right now, right this moment, that I am not going to get either the "true love" or the "true lust" benefits so what the heck am I doing? Should I move on and look for someone who actually might want me?

I realized that my reaction is perhaps disproportionate and I decided I wanted to think on it for a few days. I dodged his calls as long as I could and when he finally texted me asking me if we were "on" for the party I realized I didn't really want him to come with me. I think I am a little "out of sorts" emotionally and want more time to decide if I want to still see him. Anyway, I finally called him back and in spite of my intentions, damn if I didn't agree to him joining me at this party. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't know why I couldn't say the truth of how I feel.

So, I am not mad at him, I am just disappointed that it doesn't feel fun or happy to me right now and that I really dont feel "wanted" or desired. I am mad at myself because I decided what I wanted to have happen - at least this weekend - and I didn't have the guts to say it.

This is just a vent, I am not sure what I will do now and I suppose it doesn't even matter that much as I feel that some sort of "switch" was flipped inside me and I am just not looking forward to seeing him now. Maybe I will get over it.

That's a scary thought! All I need is another self absorbed intellectual with so much baggage he'd have to pay the overcharge at the airport....

Maybe he has a friend like him for you!!!

LOL, what a jerk. Seriously - he's just not into you? I don't think so. One of two things - he's so self absorbed he can't get over himself, or he is into you but doesn't know what to do with it because maybe he's not physically able. Either way, you win - you can move on. But I still think it was a good idea to see it to the end, otherwise you might have always wondered. He did seem like a good prospect. Now you know.

Sheez ....

Some people get their kicks in the strangest ways.

Onward and upward, Cowgirl.

what a jerk he sounds like now! it is so friggin hard to find a suitably aged man (i'm 56) who is emotionally available and physically attractive and financially secure and not an axe murderer.

i've been divorced for 10 yrs now, and dating has been like a second job since then, seriously. i found that the more i did it, the better i became at weeding out the ones that didn't work for me... i used to tease first dates about my "patented process".

i've had several relationships since my divorce, all of them good but none of them great. eventually there would come a time when i realized that and i had to move on. i mean, even my ex-husband was "right" for me at one time... i've changed since i first got married, and i continue to do so, and therefore so do the qualifications for the right partner.

luckily for me, i found him. he's adorable, intelligent, sexy and treats me like a goddess, but hasn't got a penny. i got over that and we have been living together happily ever after for the last year and a half. i feel incredibly lucky!

i'm glad i didn't give up dating because i never would have found him. i tell myself that all the others between him and my ex husband were who i needed at the time, and that i wouldn't have been ready for him before i found him. what i mean is, the most important thing to look for in a relationship is that it satisfies you, whatever it is that you want, be it sex, affection, a travel companion, someone to hike with... and doesn't DISsatisfy you in a way that you choose not to accept.

you did good. on to the next fool! they're all fools until you find the right one.

Thank you Jessi - I am getting the idea that this is a very common issue in our age range. I have a friend who is a bombshell, tall, blonde, mid 40s and she was about ready to give up too.... It is like they are attracted to your looks but then you start to realize the emotional issues people have, how they often really have issues with women, aren't over their ex, are very negative... whatever the case may be. I am sure men have the same issues because I guess there is a reason we find ourselves single at this stage of life.

I probably need to get over some of my criteria - i am simply not attracted to 95% of the men within 5-7 years of my age, but I don't want a young boyfriend playmate. I want someone who at least for awhile, is in a good relationship with me but he should be fit enough to keep up with me. I don't think that is asking alot, it isn't like I am a super athlete but I can do a 9-10 mile hike up and down a mountain and not alot of 50-60 year olds seem to be at that level.

I get hit on alot... but so wildly inappropriate sometimes (Saturday night, it was a guy in his 20s!) but mostly so incredibly unattractive to me if they are near my age - usually way older actually (that also happened Saturday night). I need to get over that, but i can't help that i am just not drawn to someone who looks like santa claus (not fit, older looking, not youthful in attitude). I am being a brat i guess, but I would rather be solo than with someone who doesn't interest me. I don't think it is fair to even date guys that just don't attract me.

Anyway, I am fine. I go dancing with a social group every week. I have a plan a plan to take actual dance lessons so I can do couples dancing more confidently. I am thinking about joining some organizations (I am not a big joiner really but my horse community is all women so i need to find groups with a better mix) of outdoorsy people because that is where I will find fit men my age. I do find them on the dating websites, and attract them okay, but I am not doing so well with picking the emotionally available ones... so far... 2 out of 2 have turned out to really be cut off from the possibilities of even becoming friends, in spite of their stated intentions. (BTW, it might be me - I get it - but they tell me they LIKE me and enjoy being with me so it is hard to know.) I think I just haven't found the right man for this stage of my life.

Okay, I have vented enough. Carry on!