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My only son who was 18 was murdered 3 years ago in a senseless Robbery. I have been through two trials and so much pain. I am trying to get my life back and this year is by far the most I have ventured out into the world. I have a great support group with a local chapter of compassionate friends. I'm on 3 daily medications. I miss my son everyday. He was such an amazing young man with so many dreams. Life sometimes knocks the world right out from under you. No one should ever experience the loss of a child. I've had other losses, but this was just horrific.

God Bless you Zane's mom. What strength you have to create a life for yourself. I'm sure your son would want that for you.

Thank you for everyone sharing your stories here. This forum is a great resource.

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Zane's Mom, your son was still a jid and it is heartbreaking to hear, something so senseless. I wish I could have held your hand as you went through this. God Bless.

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I'm truly sorry to hear about your family/friend deaths, Linda. I can't even imagine losing a child, although my aunt did (in 2000, her son died of massive heart attach at age 52).

Not to put down anyone's story, but probably what hit me the hardest was losing my cat/companion in 2009. It was probably his time--he was around 19--but I grew up with him and was closer to him than most of my family. Honestly, the only person I've ever loved more than him was my daughter.

Edited by Skywalker

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I'm truly sorry to hear about your family/friend deaths, Linda. I can't even imagine losing a child, although my aunt did (in 2000, her son died of massive heart attach at age 52).

Not to put down anyone's story, but probably what hit me the hardest was losing my cat/companion in 2009. It was probably his time--he was around 19--but I grew up with him and was closer to him than most of my family. Honestly, the only person I've ever loved more than him was my daughter.

Pets are family to some people and I understand. I have quite a few friends who never had children and they love their pets as their children. God Bless.

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Pray...Pray...Pray. Pray for comfort, acceptance and for the Lord to take away your pain. He will. Call upon him every morning as soon as you wake. Lift your spirit in prayer and up lifting songs. Your circumstances are incomprehensible to us that have never lost a child, but many supporters here cheering for you.

Laura in Orlando, FL.

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Yes, for everyone here who has suffered loss in any way, we all are on a healing path. New direction.

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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs to all of you in this group. I lost my beloved daddy in 1995. I had just seen him the night before and he was fine. Got a call at 5:30 the next morning saying he had a massive heart attack and died. I still think my step mother had something to do with it. That was so difficult, as I could tell him anything. Then in 1998, my older brother died in a plane crash. Another horrible day. He kids, ages 10 and 12 at the time saw him crash.

In 2009 my son, 32 at the time had a motorcycle accident resulting in a traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for a month. The Doctor kept telling me he wouldn't live. When he came out of the coma I was told he would never walk or talk. But after a year of therapy in hospitals he does just fine. He is different now. Has the mentality of a 16 yo. I miss the man he was. Don't get meh wrong, I am very grateful he survived but it's not the son I had. I do feel like I "lost" him. Please don't judge me on that.

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Zoepoodle, You have had your share of heartbreak. We would never judge you for those feelings about your son. Breaks my heart for you. Stay strong. Prayer and hugs.

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The death in my life is no longer met with pain. I have lost both of my parents and my grandmother and a brother, all in my twenties. I am 40 now. During that time, I also lost two aunts and an uncle.

I think of my parents and grandma all the time and I try to transfer my thoughts to good memories.

Very often they come to me in my dreams and it is those mornings that I do not want to wake. They are so real and alive in my dreams, as though I had never lost them.

Edited by pik

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The death in my life is no longer met with pain. I have lost both of my parents and my grandmother and a brother, all in my twenties. I am 40 now. During that time, I also lost two aunts and an uncle.

I think of my parents and grandma all the time and I try to transfer my thoughts to good memories.

Very often they come to me in my dreams and it is those mornings that I do not want to wake. They are so real and alive in my dreams, as though I had never lost them.

I too try to focus on the good memories, Pik. That is the only way to cope sometimes. I remember after my sister died, her daughters were more devastated than I could possibly be. About a year after she died, one daughter said "Mama was at my house last night in my dreams". I laughed and said noooo, she was with me. Thank God for sweet memories. Thank God we can still laugh!

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I lost my sister this April. It hurts so much that I am crying now. She had a massive hart attach in her bathroom after a workout. I doing this surgery for myself and family. I don't want to just die as it almost kills the ones you love. In the last 12 years I have also lost two baby boys and my parents. There are days I just cry. I want to live healthy and happy. This process is giving something positive to work on for life. I want to live above the pain.

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I lost my sister this April. It hurts so much that I am crying now. She had a massive hart attach in her bathroom after a workout. I doing this surgery for myself and family. I don't want to just die as it almost kills the ones you love. In the last 12 years I have also lost two baby boys and my parents. There are days I just cry. I want to live healthy and happy. This process is giving something positive to work on for life. I want to live above the pain.

LadyK44 I am so sorry. My daughter has become heart healthy since my son died of a heart attack, my mother, and her dad had a heart attack at 44. Heart attacks are so prevalent and I am so sorry for your losses. I hope your new body/resolve to get healthy will make a difference in your life. We have to keep moving or the grief will destroy us. I have to push myself every day. Get out there and start living. God Bless!

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I lost my sister this April. It hurts so much that I am crying now. She had a massive hart attach in her bathroom after a workout. I doing this surgery for myself and family. I don't want to just die as it almost kills the ones you love. In the last 12 years I have also lost two baby boys and my parents. There are days I just cry. I want to live healthy and happy. This process is giving something positive to work on for life. I want to live above the pain.

Hugs. Words cannot express how I hurt for you.

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Pets are family to some people and I understand. I have quite a few friends who never had children and they love their pets as their children. God Bless.

Losing a beloved pet is a loss only other pet owners understand. My Basset Hound was my constant companion and best friend. As a stay-at-home-mom and housewife in the country I had limited contact with other people. I always had to be strong for my husband (w/depression) and children. My Basset Moe was my therapy dog - I told him everything and he was very sympathetic and loving. He was always by my side and so obviously adored me. He could always make me smile even when smiling was the last thing I wanted to do. HE gave me the strength and comfort I needed to be there when others needed ME. I was devastated when he died after 12yrs together. I cried often and was depressed for months. Sometimes a pet is so much MORE than just family. I have two other dogs now, and I love them... but there will never be another quite like my Moe.

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Terry, Therapy dogs are just that - Therapy. That is all some people have, their beloved pets.

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    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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