Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

even after all this time... struggling with the whole "you eat like a bird"



Recommended Posts

Thing again.

I theorize it is because I am thin now. When I was fat people thought it was good I didn't eat much. Now that everybody thinks I am thin, my small portions are gathering unwanted attention and i don't like it.

Maybe this belongs in the rant section, but I really really really wonder why it is people even CARE what I am eating? My BMI is still in the 23 range so it's not like I am skin and bones either.

I have not been feeling 100% lately and eating greasy fried food doesn't sit well. So last night I was at a tavern and could not imagine a burger and fries so I ordered veggies with hummous. You would have thought I ordered a side of birdseed to eat based on the reaction I got ...grrr

Yes, I am socializing more with people who didn't know me as obese and don't know about my surgery... but still...

Okay, rant over.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mmm hummus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I gotta confess I did this to my best friend. I truly thought she wasn't taking in enough nutrients (she hasn't had surgery just was dieting). Turns out I just didn't know how little the human body truely needs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get this a lot from one of my friends. When you look at habits, though? She has more disordered eating than I do. I'm happy not to eat everything on my plate. Even if comments make me want to punch someone in the throat. :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i guess my question would be, why does other people's comments about what you eat get under your skin? (yes its a rude intrusion of your personal boundaries, but people are frequently rude and stoopid)

what would you need to rearrange inside of you so that it didnt have any effect on you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know where you are coming from. I get comments all the time at work when people see how small my lunch is. They say things like "Is that all you're eating?" I don't love drawing attention to myself, so it can get kind of embarassing, and also annoying that I keep having to explain that I don't need to eat as much anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 2.5 years out from my surgery. I really don't miss overeating, I don't miss having food as a comfort or "friend". The reason I eat the way I do is it is what I need to do to stay trim - I COULD eat more at a setting then I usually do.

It is like when I was still overweight (even post WLS) people seemed okay with a fat girl eating light. when you aren't fat anymore, I get alot more comments on it. It is like people think I am faking it, pretending to be a light eater or something.

Once a person knows me well I have no problem explaining to them that i have to eat this way or I will regain weight. Many of my friends and aquaintances know I had WLS so I am pretty open about things. When it is people I don't know, I don't feel I should have to justify what I eat, how much I eat or any of that. I find it a bit intrusive that I get remarks about it now (and I didn't when I was fat). I don't think I realized how rude people can be about very personal things - and it puzzles me why they even notice or care.

This is more the nature of a rant, but bottom line I don't really get why people have no problem digging into a pile of deep fried food and nobody asks "why are you eating like that?" but if I pick away at a plate of raw veggies and hummus I get the interrogation and more annoying, the insinuation that I am eating that way for "looks" - or so people will think I am a light eater.

Of course, i realize that most people, even normal weight women, eat a heck of a lot more than us formerly obese can. We are predispositioned to become obese again even eating a "normal" or typical diet and portions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Because of your personal perspective of the situation (formerly fat, WLS, etc) you are reading a lot more into an offhand comment than is intended.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think it is an offhand comment at all. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The implication is that she is thin and can eat any damn thing she wants. That's apparently the prize of being thin!! And since she is eating like a "bird", the person who made the comment is subtly judging her. Your thin, have a burger. You deserve it. The same thing goes when you fill up a plate and someone asks "Wow, you're going to eat all that?" Those sorts of comments are not offhand. And are really judgey.

Really, aside from 16 year olds, there are very few people who can eat what they want and not gain weight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

i personally dont give a rats ass about what others say. i know what people say is about them, not me. but to some people, it really bothers them. everyone is different.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

i personally dont give a rats ass about what others say. i know what people say is about them, not me. but to some people, it really bothers them. everyone is different.

You're proving my point. To a person with an eating disorder, it's a hypersensitive boundary thing.

To a normal person, it's called "small talk".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think it is an offhand comment at all. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The implication is that she is thin and can eat any damn thing she wants. That's apparently the prize of being thin!! And since she is eating like a "bird", the person who made the comment is subtly judging her. Your thin, have a burger. You deserve it. The same thing goes when you fill up a plate and someone asks "Wow, you're going to eat all that?" Those sorts of comments are not offhand. And are really judgey.

Really, aside from 16 year olds, there are very few people who can eat what they want and not gain weight.

You (and many people here) have a highly sensitized prospective and some personal psychological issues re this issue, but in normal circumstances an adult making an offhand comment along the lines of "you eat like a bird" does not, by any stretch of the imagination, fall into the category of a "boundary violation", nor is it a psychologically damaging Grenade that needs to be handled with a bomb squad. It's one person being sociable with another, with no idea how your issues are warping their words in your head.

I said "nice boots" to someone today. I was being social and meant no harm. Perhaps she is on a Shopaholic message board this very minute going on and on about her issues with my comment. I wasn't "judging" her other boots, etc.

If you dip every word someone says in your own issues before you hear it, your emotional over-sensitivity will make you miserable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You (and many people here) have a highly sensitized prospective and some personal psychological issues re this issue, but in normal circumstances an adult making an offhand comment along the lines of "you eat like a bird" does not, by any stretch of the imagination, fall into the category of a "boundary violation", nor is it a psychologically damaging Grenade that needs to be handled with a bomb squad. It's one person being sociable with another, with no idea how your issues are warping their words in your head.

I said "nice boots" to someone today. I was being social and meant no harm. Perhaps she is on a Shopaholic message board this very minute going on and on about her issues with my comment. I wasn't "judging" her other boots, etc.

If you dip every word someone says in your own issues before you hear it, your emotional over-sensitivity will make you miserable.

guess my imagination stretches farther than yours.

Edited by moonlitestarbrite

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×