female only even after all this time... struggling with the whole "you eat like a bird"

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Thing again.

I theorize it is because I am thin now. When I was fat people thought it was good I didn't eat much. Now that everybody thinks I am thin, my small portions are gathering unwanted attention and i don't like it.

Maybe this belongs in the rant section, but I really really really wonder why it is people even CARE what I am eating? My BMI is still in the 23 range so it's not like I am skin and bones either.

I have not been feeling 100% lately and eating greasy fried food doesn't sit well. So last night I was at a tavern and could not imagine a burger and fries so I ordered veggies with hummous. You would have thought I ordered a side of birdseed to eat based on the reaction I got ...grrr

Yes, I am socializing more with people who didn't know me as obese and don't know about my surgery... but still...

Okay, rant over.

[PRINCESSM 210]

Mmm hummus

[PRINCESSM 210]

I gotta confess I did this to my best friend. I truly thought she wasn't taking in enough nutrients (she hasn't had surgery just was dieting). Turns out I just didn't know how little the human body truely needs

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

I get this a lot from one of my friends. When you look at habits, though? She has more disordered eating than I do. I'm happy not to eat everything on my plate. Even if comments make me want to punch someone in the throat. :-)

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

i guess my question would be, why does other people's comments about what you eat get under your skin? (yes its a rude intrusion of your personal boundaries, but people are frequently rude and stoopid)

what would you need to rearrange inside of you so that it didnt have any effect on you?

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

It.just.gets.old. Don't worry, I'll live.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

just trying to understand why it scratches at you. *shrug*

[mollz007 60]

I know where you are coming from. I get comments all the time at work when people see how small my lunch is. They say things like "Is that all you're eating?" I don't love drawing attention to myself, so it can get kind of embarassing, and also annoying that I keep having to explain that I don't need to eat as much anymore.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I am 2.5 years out from my surgery. I really don't miss overeating, I don't miss having food as a comfort or "friend". The reason I eat the way I do is it is what I need to do to stay trim - I COULD eat more at a setting then I usually do.

It is like when I was still overweight (even post WLS) people seemed okay with a fat girl eating light. when you aren't fat anymore, I get alot more comments on it. It is like people think I am faking it, pretending to be a light eater or something.

Once a person knows me well I have no problem explaining to them that i have to eat this way or I will regain weight. Many of my friends and aquaintances know I had WLS so I am pretty open about things. When it is people I don't know, I don't feel I should have to justify what I eat, how much I eat or any of that. I find it a bit intrusive that I get remarks about it now (and I didn't when I was fat). I don't think I realized how rude people can be about very personal things - and it puzzles me why they even notice or care.

This is more the nature of a rant, but bottom line I don't really get why people have no problem digging into a pile of deep fried food and nobody asks "why are you eating like that?" but if I pick away at a plate of raw veggies and hummus I get the interrogation and more annoying, the insinuation that I am eating that way for "looks" - or so people will think I am a light eater.

Of course, i realize that most people, even normal weight women, eat a heck of a lot more than us formerly obese can. We are predispositioned to become obese again even eating a "normal" or typical diet and portions.

[JerseyCityGal 231]

Because of your personal perspective of the situation (formerly fat, WLS, etc) you are reading a lot more into an offhand comment than is intended.

[Forsythia 882]

I don't think it is an offhand comment at all. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The implication is that she is thin and can eat any damn thing she wants. That's apparently the prize of being thin!! And since she is eating like a "bird", the person who made the comment is subtly judging her. Your thin, have a burger. You deserve it. The same thing goes when you fill up a plate and someone asks "Wow, you're going to eat all that?" Those sorts of comments are not offhand. And are really judgey.

Really, aside from 16 year olds, there are very few people who can eat what they want and not gain weight.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

i personally dont give a rats ass about what others say. i know what people say is about them, not me. but to some people, it really bothers them. everyone is different.

[JerseyCityGal 231]

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

the real issue is, its a boundary violation to comment on what someone else is eating, regardless. this bothers some people, some not. some people are more bothered by it than others.

i personally dont give a rats ass about what others say. i know what people say is about them, not me. but to some people, it really bothers them. everyone is different.

You're proving my point. To a person with an eating disorder, it's a hypersensitive boundary thing.

To a normal person, it's called "small talk".

[JerseyCityGal 231]

I don't think it is an offhand comment at all. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The implication is that she is thin and can eat any damn thing she wants. That's apparently the prize of being thin!! And since she is eating like a "bird", the person who made the comment is subtly judging her. Your thin, have a burger. You deserve it. The same thing goes when you fill up a plate and someone asks "Wow, you're going to eat all that?" Those sorts of comments are not offhand. And are really judgey.

Really, aside from 16 year olds, there are very few people who can eat what they want and not gain weight.

You (and many people here) have a highly sensitized prospective and some personal psychological issues re this issue, but in normal circumstances an adult making an offhand comment along the lines of "you eat like a bird" does not, by any stretch of the imagination, fall into the category of a "boundary violation", nor is it a psychologically damaging Grenade that needs to be handled with a bomb squad. It's one person being sociable with another, with no idea how your issues are warping their words in your head.

I said "nice boots" to someone today. I was being social and meant no harm. Perhaps she is on a Shopaholic message board this very minute going on and on about her issues with my comment. I wasn't "judging" her other boots, etc.

If you dip every word someone says in your own issues before you hear it, your emotional over-sensitivity will make you miserable.

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

You (and many people here) have a highly sensitized prospective and some personal psychological issues re this issue, but in normal circumstances an adult making an offhand comment along the lines of "you eat like a bird" does not, by any stretch of the imagination, fall into the category of a "boundary violation", nor is it a psychologically damaging Grenade that needs to be handled with a bomb squad. It's one person being sociable with another, with no idea how your issues are warping their words in your head.

I said "nice boots" to someone today. I was being social and meant no harm. Perhaps she is on a Shopaholic message board this very minute going on and on about her issues with my comment. I wasn't "judging" her other boots, etc.

If you dip every word someone says in your own issues before you hear it, your emotional over-sensitivity will make you miserable.

guess my imagination stretches farther than yours.

Edited June 24, 2014 by moonlitestarbrite