So, Monday was my 30th wedding anniversary. I'm proud of living and loving through thirty years, and I have a pretty wonderful husband and marriage and two wonderful adult daughters. However, this anniversary really pissed me off and I have to rant a bit. Feedback welcome even though this is a venting sorta rant.

I knew he had no idea for a gift when he asked what the 'traditional' gifts were for that marker - so over lunch one day we looked them up; pearls or diamond. Fine - but I don't expect either of those really. Then I suggested since our anniversary falls during my busy work time, that we plan to take a little three day trip somewhere when we can both get away, and he liked that idea--in that way that says 'sure - if you'll plan it I'll go. Okay...fine.

Our anniversary rolls around a week later and I haven't heard form him all morning about any plans, so I ask where we might go for dinner to Celebrate, not especially feeling like cooking too on top of super busy week. He really didn't have any suggestions, except to agree when I suggested something - so I sent him a link to a place and he made a reservation.

He comes home and while nearly EVERY other year on our anniversary he's brought flowers, even sometimes the ones he proposed with, this time; nada. Then he goes out for a bit walking to the store nearby and comes home with pink tulips. Nice thought--however late it was. Not my fave color, but i like tulips and tell him so. We put them in a vase and head out to dinner.

At dinner, I give him a card and a nice gift (new Fitbit which he'd said he'd like someday). He thanks me, and says he didn't really do anything for me but thought maybe later there would be something I'd need for surgery that I could pick out. (Really?! after 30 years of marriage that would be what - a pair of sweatpants?!) I say it's okay - and that really there's nothing I need for surgery. After dinner we took a walk at my nudging, did a hill climb of stairs to see a nice view, headed home and made love (sorry if TMI here). Still nothing to acknowledge the anniversary really. No card, no little thought gift, zip.

Now I get that i'm huge (285) and have been for far too long. I get that he's like a 'more active intimate life' but once a week is about all I can handle feeling so big. I get that I let him off the hook some with the idea of a later trip. But hello; I do more than my share of keeping this marriage rolling, I earn half the income, I work more hours, and I still cook most of the meals. Why the h*ll couldn't he have at least written a crummy card or something?! Damn!!

I've been thinking another thirty years together was something to look forward to, but this really felt lousy.

End of rant.

Kate

So, Monday was my 30th wedding anniversary. I'm proud of living and loving through thirty years, and I have a pretty wonderful husband and marriage and two wonderful adult daughters. However, this anniversary really pissed me off and I have to rant a bit. Feedback welcome even though this is a venting sorta rant. I knew he had no idea for a gift when he asked what the 'traditional' gifts were for that marker - so over lunch one day we looked them up; pearls or diamond. Fine - but I don't expect either of those really. Then I suggested since our anniversary falls during my busy work time, that we plan to take a little three day trip somewhere when we can both get away, and he liked that idea--in that way that says 'sure - if you'll plan it I'll go. Okay...fine. Our anniversary rolls around a week later and I haven't heard form him all morning about any plans, so I ask where we might go for dinner to celebrate, not especially feeling like cooking too on top of super busy week. He really didn't have any suggestions, except to agree when I suggested something - so I sent him a link to a place and he made a reservation. He comes home and while nearly EVERY other year on our anniversary he's brought flowers, even sometimes the ones he proposed with, this time; nada. Then he goes out for a bit walking to the store nearby and comes home with pink tulips. Nice thought--however late it was. Not my fave color, but i like tulips and tell him so. We put them in a vase and head out to dinner. At dinner, I give him a card and a nice gift (new Fitbit which he'd said he'd like someday). He thanks me, and says he didn't really do anything for me but thought maybe later there would be something I'd need for surgery that I could pick out. (Really?! after 30 years of marriage that would be what - a pair of sweatpants?!) I say it's okay - and that really there's nothing I need for surgery. After dinner we took a walk at my nudging, did a hill climb of stairs to see a nice view, headed home and made love (sorry if TMI here). Still nothing to acknowledge the anniversary really. No card, no little thought gift, zip. Now I get that i'm huge (285) and have been for far too long. I get that he's like a 'more active intimate life' but once a week is about all I can handle feeling so big. I get that I let him off the hook some with the idea of a later trip. But hello; I do more than my share of keeping this marriage rolling, I earn half the income, I work more hours, and I still cook most of the meals. Why the h*ll couldn't he have at least written a crummy card or something?! Damn!! I've been thinking another thirty years together was something to look forward to, but this really felt lousy. End of rant. Kate

Happy 30th. I am going on 44 this year. For my 25th he made a big surprise party. For our 29th he surprised me with what he called a tennis bracelet ring. I wanted an all diamond band. Now because of money I get a kiss but I still have him! We use take 2 huge vacations a year and a weekend away once month when our sons were living with us. We lost our factory after 9/11 and things went down from there. But we don't argue unless it's because of one of our sons. Another story. He is married with sons.

In other words you have someone who loves you. He is there for you. My husband hates cards, receiving and giving. Calls it Hallmark holidays

Arlene

Thanks everyone. I think there's a bit of truth in every one of these posts. I think my husband and I are both fortunate and happy to be married to each other, and I think we're both pretty great people, but yes, he screwed this one up and it really hurt. I'll talk to him about it when I've sorted more out, but I do know he loves me, and I know I'm very worthwhile as a person, but he's sort of missing that boat these days. I also know I don't want him to acknowledge me because I told him to--and I feel like I keep continually lowering my expectations in that regard, so once I figure out what I'm willing to ask for, I will.

For now I'm just considering this part of loving him as he is--which we usually both do quite well. Guess it's my turn to work hard on that one! Incidentally, he's fine with my surgery, and his job is very secure. I wasn't expecting anything big either, just something from his heart. Giving him an easy out was dumb, and I sure won't do it again! I think it was more an attempt at self-protection against disappointment if he didn't do anything, and yet I still wound up feeling that way--so absurd! No more. In the future I'm going to be more clear about my needs.

Little late to the party...but here's my thing... I agree...at minimum a card... I can share with you my experience...

My wonderful husband I are aren't married that long... I told him for our one year, I wanted another small gold band to put on the other side of my engagement ring (which is also a band ring), to balance it off, and I like the stacked look...

our one year comes, I get a card and nothing else...I bought him several things I knew he'd love (and he did)

my disappointment was immense... a little gold band was all I wanted, even TOLD him and was so surprised when he didn't respond

he does a lot for me everyday...and I know he loves me...but I DID mention it once I got over the disappointment...and he promised it for the 2nd year... not the same...but we'll see...

Edited May 9, 201412 yr by BigGirlPanties