Just found out my husband is trying to cheat!

[kimk1999 450]

He doesn't want to go to therapy! He says I don't need them telling me what I already know! Really!!!! Ugh

Honestly, to me, and keep in mind I'm only hearing the small snippets you've posted... I think he's checked out of the relationship. He's taking the easy way out and going to make you do the hard work of requesting the divorce. Since you have kids and more complicated setup, maybe find a divorce attorney that gives the free initial consults to see if this is the path that you want to do as well. I'm so sorry hun. Do your research to figure out what the rules are like in your state for a divorce. Again, this is just my opinion, not knowing you or your history. Just the small tidbits of the story you've posted.

[Keepgoing247 116]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I don't know what I would do either. But I do know that his behavior is unacceptable and disrespectful. I hope he changes his mind and gets the help he needs.

You will figure out what is the right thing for you and your family. Best wishes.

[catnapper 34]

Obviously u are in a lot of pain but please, don't take anyone's advice on an Internet site for weight loss & expect to find answers from complete strangers. Marriage is much too sacred to turn over to ppl that don't know Anything about what all is @ stake with you & ur husband.

Do u have family,friends or minister,counselor (even if he refuses to go) that can give u emotional support & help u through this crisis?

I hope you find the right answers that will work best for everyone concerned.

[takingaleap 71]

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

[jamilyne 102668 1,207]

Well, I was typing a message to you then I see that your post came through. I am so happy that he has decided to go to therapy with you. Please do not do anything drastic yet, just wait it out and see what happens. Sometimes emotions can get out of control with something like this. I really hope that you are either able to work it out or decide what is best for you and your children.

I am thinking of you today.

[enjoyinglife 313]

Sorry to hear that.

[JustDoIt130 369]

I suggest a website called marriagebuilders. It's great for building a strong, affair proof marriage- by meeting each other's needs, and by putting things in place that would prevent being able to have an affair.

[lisacaron 5,075]

I'm glad you are taking the time to go to therapy. It is never easy to take a step back and away from what is going on, but it will help you to get some perspective if you can.

Take some time to be with yourself for a bit. Some quiet time and ask yourself what YOU really want from your relationship and your life as well. What are some of the things that are not working for you, and for you as one part of a couple. If you can be a bit objective in your answers and give yourself some specific references to those things it will help you.

While your doing this try to steer clear of blame and anger. Examine it as if you were examining a friends relationship or one from some reality TV show. Do it from an outside point of view. Then you might be able to see what some of the issues in the relationship are and work on them in therapy.

Usually when a partner stray's outside of the primary relationship it's because they are seeking to find something they are not getting from the primary relationship or they are trying to get away from something that is hurting them in the primary relationship. This does not put blame on your or him, the point is to try and find the root cause of the disconnection between you.

I have been down this road before and I can honestly tell you that there were two sides to the "cheating" in my first marriage and the truth was that I was relived he strayed outside of the marriage because it gave me a good reason to end it once and for all. We had been together for 20 years 3 kids, we "grew up" together well I grew up and he didn't but our "marriage" was over long before we were divorced. Growing up in a strong Italian family...we don't leave our husbands. We stick it out we do it for the kids..we do it for all the wrong reasons. I watched many unhappy relationships in my family for years and I did not want to be one.

The cheating and the betrayal is hard to cope with, but in the end I realized I had a hand in that too. I pushed for it, because it was the only way I could be free. Today I am happily re-married to a man I met after my ex and I separated and we have a healthy, loving relationship where we are on the same level and take the time to check in with each other to communicate everyday.

Best of luck to you, it might be hard in the beginning but anything worth fighting for is never easy. No matter where you find yourself just be true to yourself and to your heart and you will be happy.

[Scylla 106]

takingaleap, I am so glad to hear your husband agreed to go to therapy with you!

Your husband might not see texting another woman as "cheating" or as a big deal since it doesn't involve a physical relationship. However, texting or chatting online with someone other than your spouse creates an emotional relationship which is often even more hurtful than a spouse having an affair and saying it was "just sex".

This happened with a friend of mine. Her husband went to his 25th high school reunion and he started talking to an ex-girlfriend from high school. They became friends on Facebook and started texting. Turns out, it was pretty innocent on his part--he works nights as a pharmacist by himself and has no one to talk to that late at night and it's often slow at the pharmacy. The high school ex GF knew this and would text him at night. The texts themselves were pretty innocent, but when my friend saw them it became clear to her that things were escalating, at least on the part of the high school girlfriend. She was wanting to get together "for coffee" and had let on that she was only very recently divorced.

Once my friend let her husband know that she saw the texts and was not cool with him meeting up with his old friend and that she felt their relationship was unacceptable they met with their pastor and started going to counseling.

Best of luck to you! I hope your husband will see the error of his ways and come around to your way of thinking on this.

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you have strong support system around you. Going through things like this have a way of testing our resolve, please keep that in mind and try not to let this affect your weightloss journey...if anything, use it as motivation. Never loose sight of the fact that we only have control over our lives and the way we choose to live it. Lastly, keep in mind that what you tolerate you also encourage.

[urban*decay 8]

I'm sorry to hear that. What an unfortunate situation. I hope you can do what's best for you and your children, whatever that might be.

[Teachamy 1,042]

What bothers me most about these types of scenarios are the "other women" involved. What are they thinking? Are they so desperate that they would destroy someone's marriage? Do they really think a man who would leave his wife and children is worth having? Would a woman who would seduce a married man be worth anything?

I know we can't control the acts of other people, but as women we need to keep our female friends and family in check. The fantasy is never worth destroying the sanctity of marriage.

[Bandarella 223]

What bothers me most about these types of scenarios are the "other women" involved. What are they thinking? Are they so desperate that they would destroy someone's marriage? Do they really think a man who would leave his wife and children is worth having? Would a woman who would seduce a married man be worth anything?

I know we can't control the acts of other people, but as women we need to keep our female friends and family in check. The fantasy is never worth destroying the sanctity of marriage.

Could be the other woman doesn't know he's married???

[takingaleap 71]

Could be the other woman doesn't know he's married???

I'm 90% sure she knew

[Texasmeg 568]

I'm glad to hear he is going with you to therapy and I hope everything works out. That said, please protect your financial interests at the same time. Women don't tend to be as savy about that as men do.