Hello all!

My husband is the ONLY person who supports my/my doctor's decision for gastric sleeve surgery. Both of my parents AND my sisters are obsese. My mom has yo-yo dieted for as long as I can remember. She makes losing weight a miserable competition among the women in my family. The first time I even mentioned that my doctor had referred me for gastric sleeve surgery, everyone started rolling their eyes, yelling, and telling me how I "don't try hard enough." (I try harder than ANYONE in my family.) They call me lazy and tell me that if I REALLY tried I could lose all of the weight on my own.

If I choose to go through with the procedure, I'm going to have to keep it a TOTAL secret from my family! Is that even possible??!! It's just that every time I mention it, my parents and sister tell me that I'll end up dying from complications (leakages) and that I will be miserable because I'll never be able to eat "normal" or drink alcohol again.......They are doing a GREAT job of scaring me out of gastric sleeve surgery. They also ask, "Why would you risk dying and never seeing your husband and child again just to be thin?!" AHHHHHHHHH. I am SO SO SO confused. Please help!

Don't listen to them. Only you know what this means to you. I say this as I enjoy a nice glass of chardonnay after doing my exercise for the day.

I know what you mean. I thought my family was with me and now since I have so many problems they state well should not had the surgery. I was a picker eater before surgery and my doctor knew this but he still said I would be ok, but I am not. Foods that I liked I don't and a tried to eat different things and got nausea or vomiting. Talk with your doctor and get the whole picture, I don't want you to go through what I am now.

The most confusing part of the decision is understanding the info that I research! Half of the VGS patients report positive life changing outcomes that they can't imagine living without, while the other half report how miserable they are suffering from nausea, leaks, pain! WTH?? I mean, look at the two replies on this post alone! One make me feel confident, then the other makes me freak out! HA!

I know family can be important. But I say ignore them. You know what YOU need for YOU. You know how you feel physically, emotionally, sexually, in every way, and you know how you want to feel, and be.

Sometimes people can't see beyond their own situation/fears/lack of knowledge, and will try to block others from attempting something different because it feels uncomfortable to them.

Just don't even bother to share any more plans, thoughts, etc., about your WLS with any of them except the hubby. Don't even give them the date of your surgery, cuz you don't need to hear them calling you, harrassing you, worrying you.

In the hands of a good surgeon, the risk of death from WLS is so low; don't let them scare you. Just let them see your transformation and then they can be jealous :-).

If you've thought about it, prayed about it, have a comfort with it, need it (physically and psychologically), and, additionally, if your husband is on board...then do what you have to do for you. Keep stepping on the path YOU choose for your life and leave them behind at this point, for this issue. Own yourself. You have us--the BP VSG family; we support you.

If you're gonna use a score card to keep track of the pros and the cons in choosing, you're gonna drive yourself crazy. Try and look at it in another way.

If they wheeled you into the ER after an auto accident an said we have to operate or your're gonna die.........You AND you family would be crossing your fingers and saying "sure, get to it". Of course you would be nervous and surely scared, but that would not be you main concern.....living would be.

When you become morbidly obese, issues develop that will just as assuredly kill you. Even if your life is not in immediate jeopardy now, at some point it will be. The real irony is when accidents happen, we don't hesitate to take action, but when faced with choices when obese, we tend to ignore the dangers and hope the worst won't happen. Undoubtedly, the risks of staying obese are many many times higher than any potential risk from WLS.

My guess is the above reason may not have even been one of your considerations for WLS. Yours might have been more like quality of life, self confidence, mobility, comfort, attractiveness, physical ease of doing things......etc. etc. All those things are things that affect YOUR life when obese. Decisions about things affecting your life are yours and yours alone. Most other's negative opinions are a reflection of their own insecurities and envy, not what is in your best interest. So, if you feel the desire for others to understand, then explain to them how you feel. But any decisions should be solely yours. Good luck, with whatever you decide.

Edited March 5, 201412 yr by Recycled

"Why would you risk dying and never seeing your husband and child again just to be thin?!"

That's so rude, maybe you want to live long enough to enjoy time with your husband and child!! I'm so sorry you don't have the support you need, but at the end of the day you need to do whats right for you.

I have to say, that would push me into it just to rub their noses in the results! Of course, I can be rather vindictive by nature, so take that with a grain of salt

Thanks guys! I already feel better! Recycled- you are so right! I try to keep a score card! And I am exhausted! Thanks again!

I know what you mean. I thought my family was with me and now since I have so many problems they state well should not had the surgery. I was a picker eater before surgery and my doctor knew this but he still said I would be ok, but I am not. Foods that I liked I don't and a tried to eat different things and got nausea or vomiting. Talk with your doctor and get the whole picture, I don't want you to go through what I am now.

what types of problems did this surgery cause you to have? just curious!

This is your decision and yours alone. You have the support of your husband, who I assume knows the risks.

I find a lot of people with apprehensions about weight loss surgery simply don't know enough about it. It scares them.

When I told my parents, I could see the fear in their eyes. My dad asked a hundred questions - "are you sure you've tried hard enough?" "are you going to be able to give up the foods you love?" "What is the surgery?" "What exactly are they going to do to you?" He was scared for me and I understood that. He was not on board.

Now that he sees a healthier and happier version of me, he gets it and he now calls the VSG "a necessary medical procedure"! That always makes me laugh. He is so supportive - he asks me questions about what I'm eating, how much I'm eating and how things feel in my stomach. He sees me at the gym and sees that I'm getting in better shape and getting stronger. I needed to allow him to go thru the process of acceptance.

You'll know what the best decision is for you and your family - your husband and child. Best of luck to you!

Thanks guys! I already feel better! Recycled- you are so right! I try to keep a score card! And I am exhausted! Thanks again!

im the same way you are. I am keeping a score card too and its exhausting.

Honey, you do what you need to do. Screw 'em. I have kept it a secret from everyone except my husband and kids. Told people early on I was on a diet, so when I lost weight they were expecting it. No one suspects I have had WLS and I plan to keep it that way.

However, when the weight starts coming off, be prepared for all sorts of cr@p from your folks. I can hear it now...

"You are losing too much weight, you look awful" and "It's not healthy" and lots of that sort of thing I bet. You'll have to be strong, but I am betting you can do it. They will be so jealous of your success.

During your first month and maybe even until you are on solid food you'll be better off staying away from them if you can, or at least avoiding any meals. You'll feel poorly enough anyway, so you really won't need the added aggravation.

I would look at it like this. Choosing to have sleeve surgery is a preventative measure. I wanted to prevent heart problems in my future and be healthier for my family. I had several health issues that would only get bigger in twenty years with no change in lifestyle. It's awesome that your husband is supportive. It can be overwhelming to worry about why other people may not support your choice. The procedure is laparoscopic so it's not open surgery. You could just explain to your family that your changing your eating habits and fitting in some exercise. It's not really a diet it's a change of eating habits. I like Bob Harper's skinny rules book. It could be helpful for conversation after surgery.

And absolutely we'll stated recycled! All that too

Just don't tell them. And when they see how much weight you're losing, tell them they were right, you just needed to "try harder."

Okay that's mean, and certainly doesn't spread the positive non-shame message of surgery...

Maybe then say, "try harder to ignore the $=!+ you say and do what's right for ME. If you have a problem with it, we don't need to talk about it."

I'm amazed at how many - women especially, it seems - look at WLS as "the easy way out". When you get down to it, it's not one iota easy! It's a lot of hard work, a lot of crazy changes in your body, a lot of careful planning, and YES a person can backslide!!

As for people saying "best decision EVAR" versus "OMG the pain and hell", take it with a grain of salt while you look at how far post-op they are. If you had asked me within my first 24 hours I would have been like "WTF DID I JUST DO OMG" and now I'll say "ugh this is hard with a stomach virus" (1 mo out), last night I would have said "what the hell is wrong with my stomach I feel like a pile of acidic poo and It sucks!" and in 3 months I might be like "awesome but wtf with the hair" or something totally different. It's like having kids, I think - there are these points (newborn stage, growth spurts, etc) where you are like "WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS" and other times you are like "OMG most magical thing ever"