Enabling

[Arts137 1,811]

Addict.

And it's all on me. I cook. Folks can have any treats they want. I can't.

I can't have anything except what I plan to have. Period.

I will never be the 'well I have a little of whatever I want' guy.

I enjoy parties and restaurants, I just focus on the people and not the food.

I don't have time to feel sorry for myself, but I'd like to.

I just ate, and ate, and ate some more. All the time, anytime. Can't do that no more...

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I am finding this thread to be most thought provoking.

[gamergirl 4,610]

I hope it helps some enablers too.

I mean theres no shame in it to some extent. We were raised to think food is love, and feeding is nurturing, and tough love is no love. To have to go against that is part of our post-sleeve training as well.

I SO want to tell my husband not to lose too much weight. Yes me! the one who knows weight loss is a personal journey. It's so hard for me to not want to feed him constantly. I still sometimes struggle to find ways to Celebrate that don't involve food.< /p>

And when people are upset and beating themselves up, we all so want to be comforting and helpful and to make them feel better about themselves by saying "it's not that bad".

This is all different to how we were raised to show and express love.

[mistysj 1,940]

To me the most harmful part of those threads is the way people say they were "naughty" or "bad" or "a rebel", but they wear it like a badge of honor. They aren't really ashamed and they aren't really going to change their behavior. They treat it like its cute or funny. It's not cute or funny. It's life or death and that's why we had a drastic surgery and permanently changed our anatomy. This is serious stuff and is so much more important than chewing up a Doritos and spitting it out.

Edited November 4, 2013 by mistysj

[jandseakin 96]

My NUT tells me that it is ok to "taste", and to use Portion Control and eat in moderation. That

sounds fine, but if I could eat in moderation, I wouldn't have ended up where I did. I tell her

that I am a food addict and there are certain foods I just choose not to eat because I know

that instead of being satisfied with a bite or two, I will just want more and more. I understand

what she is saying, that there should be no "forbidden foods", but I know myself and I am

afraid It seems that a lot of you veterans have figured out what works for you, and you choose to eat healthy and avoid junk. This is my goal too.

Any thoughts on this? I really value your input. d.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

My NUT tells me that it is ok to "taste", and to use Portion Control and eat in moderation. That

sounds fine, but if I could eat in moderation, I wouldn't have ended up where I did. I tell her

that I am a food addict and there are certain foods I just choose not to eat because I know

that instead of being satisfied with a bite or two, I will just want more and more. I understand

what she is saying, that there should be no "forbidden foods", but I know myself and I am

afraid It seems that a lot of you veterans have figured out what works for you, and you choose to eat healthy and avoid junk. This is my goal too.

Any thoughts on this? I really value your input. d.

For me personally, the key is keeping the trigger foods out of the house.

Nearly as important, i don't stop to grab food at convenience places. So, lets use an old trigger food - ice cream. Don't buy it at the grocery and don't buy it at costco food court just don't stop at an ice cream place. I don't consider it a foribben food - I have had it a few times since being sleeved - but I consider it a rare occasion food. I guess it helps that I can barely tolerate ice cream these days - tends to make me a bit sick - I suppose I am not used to all that sugar and fat.

Anyway, same basic approach applies to all my trigger foods - I don't say "never" but they are under close watch and not allowed to get to out of hand...

[NMJG 1,266]

Very thought provoking thread, I agree. I actually had a nightmare the other night that I kept eating crap and slider foods and couldn't stop and failed my sleeve. I tell you, that dream was very vivid. I've lost weight many times, but it always came back. That's the future I fear. I also worry about people with 50 lbs. to lose that get mad when we explain it's not all roses. They don't want to hear it, and that's their prerogative, but it makes me sad.

[gamergirl 4,610]

To me the most harmful part of those threads is the way people say they were "naughty" or "bad" or "a rebel"' date=' but they wear it like a badge of honor. They aren't really ashamed and they aren't really going to change their behavior. They treat it like its cute or funny. It's not cute or funny. It's life or death and that's why we had a drastic surgery and permanently changed our anatomy. This is serious stuff and is so much more important than chewing up a Doritos and spitting it out.[/quote']

^^^^this, in a nutshell. It's not cute it's not funny it's dangerous.

[lsereno 2,525]

Well I'm a little late to the party, but I know I'm a food addict. It's why certain foods are not welcome in my house. I'm squarely in the never say never camp, but I control problem foods with a very tight leash by not buying them, and making them very occasional treats. I also weigh daily to keep overrating in check.

After years on this group, I have to admit that I ignore most threads where people are bragging about how they progress their diets too fast. I do reply to threads asking about what we can eat eventually and how much.

And I also struggle with how I look on some days. But on most days, I'm happy with what I see.

Lynda

[LBD 121]

Thanks for starting this thread Laura... I realize now how out of control I was with food. I ate socially without any hesitation, always the first one finished & also binged in private. Bought the high calorie/carb foods then felt guilty, then would hide them only to eat them all after everyone was in bed. Sick, really.

Last night we had a birthday party for my son & niece. Everyone always asks for this artichoke dip that I make. There was a bunch of it left but the kids ate all the crackers so my husband suggested that we just throw away the rest. Well, I was not going to have that even though I knew no one, including me would eat it. It was like I was having separation anxiety. I kind of feel the same way when I throw away food, like my son's half eaten grilled cheese sandwich. Never even thought twice about eating what was left on their plates. I also notice now that I am aware of eating slowly, how quickly my husband & my two boys eat. I find myself astonished at how they haven't swallowed their food before they eat another forkful.. Never really noticed before. Hoping that my new slow pace has a positive influence. I am so grateful for this surgery - it's really forced me to be aware, to recognize my food addiction and it's effect on my family, and I'm grateful to finally be gaining control of my relationship with food.

[No game 14,437]

Well I'm a little late to the party' date=' but I know I'm a food addict. It's why certain foods are not welcome in my house. I'm squarely in the never say never camp, but I control problem foods with a very tight leash by not buying them, and making them very occasional treats. I also weigh daily to keep overrating in check. After years on this group, I have to admit that I ignore most threads where people are bragging about how they progress their diets too fast. I do reply to threads asking about what we can eat eventually and how much. And I also struggle with how I look on some days. But on most days, I'm happy with what I see. Lynda[/quote']

I've thought about ignoring them to (the threads) and I'm getting weary enough that I just might start.. It's a losing battle. Sometimes I jump in because I want to help the person even though they and the others don't want it.

But other times I want to jump in for any future readers, so the see multiple views on the subject.

But hey who am I right?

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Sometimes I just call them out and then theres so many who back the op so I just give up.

[lsereno 2,525]

I've thought about ignoring them to (the threads) and I'm getting weary enough that I just might start.. It's a losing battle. Sometimes I jump in because I want to help the person even though they and the others don't want it.

But other times I want to jump in for any future readers, so the see multiple views on the subject.

But hey who am I right?

You are a leader here, so you should do what you think is best.

For me, it's too much effort for not enough return. Someone else usually pops in (not just you Laura-Ven!) saying something about their bad decision. And I don't think people really spend a lot of time looking through old threads because they are constantly asking the same questions.

As a longer term vet, I prefer to mostly answer questions and comment about life 1+ post op. There are plenty of people commenting about earlier issues. You rarely see people 1+ years out who are eating whatever they want and searching for ways to stuff more food in because if they continue that behavior, they are regaining weight and they disappear from the group.

Lynda

[No game 14,437]

So true about the constant.. It's becoming like trying to sick a finger in a dyke just to discover 50 more holes.. (No jokes butter )

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

But Laura, don't you think it would be okay if I had a cheeseburger? Just a small one?