At 33, I've been struggling with my weight for 30 years now; that's right 30! I'm sure many of you have been struggling for equally as long, so our elation at being able to get this procedure that will change our lives for the better seems like something you'd want to shout from the rooftops to everyone you know, right?

I wish I could. I'm actually afraid of the judgment that may come along with it. I told two friends early on when I was just considering the surgery, even before I went to the seminar, and they refuse to speak to me now. Fellow obese girls who probably feel like I've abandoned them in some sort of fleshy sisterhood, or that my future thinner self might be judgmental of them. Although this is not the case on my part, it does make me worry about sending a widespread message to everyone that I'm doing this.

There is a certain amount of shame, at least for me, that has come with this decision. It is like I failed at something that I should have been good at. I know its my body, my insulin resistance that went undetected probably since childhood that has fuelled the fire of obesity for so long. I know, logically, that for those of us who choose this path it is not that we were lazy, or didn't want to diet, or didn't try. In fact, I find that most of us have probably stuck with diets and exercise plans far longer than our naturally thin counterparts. I know every diet you can think of inside and out. I am a fat war veteran, and this surgery is like my war reparations for battling for so long.

It pains me to think that I can't tell everyone I know without feeling judgment, abandonment, or guilt/shame. Maybe it won't be that way; maybe everyone would be happy and supportive. I just cringe at the thought of telling everyone before I get my surgery date on Thursday and then having to retract that statement if something goes wrong, or the inevitable replies of "Oh, you don't need that! I'll give you a diet that will make you slim, and all you have to do is walk."

I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt this way, has kept this news from the others around them. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and make a facebook post to let everyone know. Maybe if I just rip the band-aid off, the scab of shame will come with it??

Hello,

I Only told my mom, my boyfriend, my brother and my aunt. Noone else needs to know my business. If I eventually decide to tell people I will but right now I have not told anyone. Before I had my surgery you have to start eating healthy so everyone new that is what I was doing. I'm just a little over a month out and people do notice and I just say I'm working out and eating healthy. Has seemed to work for me. As far as being in the hospital I just said I was having my Gallbladder out. No questions asked. Anyways congratulations on your surgery date. :-) It's the best decision I have made for my life. :-)

I have a pretty good awareness of who will be supportive, who won't, etc. Right now, 6 people know: my sister and one of my nieces (both have thought about surgery but are nervous about it), my boss (I've had to take time off), and my three best friends (one had bypass surgery 10 years ago and is thinking about a revision and the other two are supportive either way).

I'll probably let the rest of my office mates know after my insurance approval comes back and I get a date, because it'll be a sure thing then. I don't anticipate any judgment or issues, but I don't want them all to know I'm planning this and have it fall through for any reason. We're a small enough office that there's no point in trying to hide anything!

As for the rest of my family? It was a hard lesson to learn, but I've finally figured out that I'm going to be judged and found lacking no matter what I do (in every area of my life, not just weight). I don't care if they know about it, but it would be my preference to fill them in after the deed is done just so I don't have to listen to any crap.

I'm fighting with the same issue. Surgery date is December 10 and I've only told a few people. My wife and I come from large families and not sure how I'm going to explain my absence on both Christmas Eve and Day. I may just say I had hernia surgery ...

I have struggled with the decision to tell or not tell. I have decided to tell people as I feel the need to. I told my immediate family, my roller derby team, and a few close friends. Mostly just my support network in order to ensure I am successful. Some of my longest standing friends I am nervous to tell, for the ost part I have been pleasantly surprised with people's response. I am doing self pay in Mexico. Most of the questions come out of concern for my well being during and immediately after surgery. I have been able to discuss those issue and don't a lot of promising for updates as I wake up from surgery. I have been big my whole life as I lose more and more weight I am sure questions will circulate and I plan on making the decision to share I had surgery on a case by case basis.

I have told my family, they are not supportive in my moms words "you'll die. don't do it your just not trying hard enough" yeah IM not trying hard enough so the last FIVE YEARS I have spent working with a doctor and nutritionist because I didn't want to go thus route was not trying hard enough. Though I wished I'd have said what I wanted which I can't print here lest I burn ears. I walked away from her and only exchange small talk if that with her now. She doesn't understand that if I don't do something now I won't live to see 50 (yes I did say that to her) I wish I hadn't told them but can't take it back. I did tell my close friends thru private Facebook message and they are supportive. They've always been more than family. I have decided not to tell my coworkers as I feel that I don't need the judgmental atmosphere directed at me. I will use my tools as I see fit to save my life and its not for them to gossip about. My surgery is Nov 22 and am looking forward to living healthier and meeting the slim person I know lives in this super morbidly obese body.

I have told my family, they are not supportive in my moms words "you'll die. don't do it your just not trying hard enough" yeah IM not trying hard enough so the last FIVE YEARS I have spent working with a doctor and nutritionist because I didn't want to go thus route was not trying hard enough. Though I wished I'd have said what I wanted which I can't print here lest I burn ears. I walked away from her and only exchange small talk if that with her now. She doesn't understand that if I don't do something now I won't live to see 50 (yes I did say that to her) I wish I hadn't told them but can't take it back. I did tell my close friends thru private Facebook message and they are supportive. They've always been more than family. I have decided not to tell my coworkers as I feel that I don't need the judgmental atmosphere directed at me. I will use my tools as I see fit to save my life and its not for them to gossip about. My surgery is Nov 22 and am looking forward to living healthier and meeting the slim person I know lives in this super morbidly obese body.

Your mum is afraid, that's all. Not necessarily judgmental. My adult kids were the same before I had the surgery. Now that it's done (and I didn't die!) they are more than supportive.

I told my immediate family and no one else. My personal life is some what of an open book because of what I do, but somethings in my personal life remains private.