I had a very interesting chat with my EX sig other yesterday. He knows me well and I was complaining that I am so excited about getting my plastics, not overly scared of it (worked through my fears pretty well) and yet my anxiety and restlessness has been a real issue.

He gave me a little speech that really resonated and might with some of you too. He told me that I have been wrestling with this whole weight things for DECADES; I tend to think of this journey as starting two years ago with the sleeve. He is right, it took me two years of doubts, trying everything etc BEFORE I was sleeved to committ to it. I had the lapband in 2001 and to say that my weight loss dreams were shattered was an understatement. It was a devastation, at the time I thought i was the only person who ever failed with the band. Then, I had lost 85# on WW in the mid 2000s decade, but regained 50 of it over time... and of course never really left the obese catagory. His point was that I never got under 200# pounds and frankly spent most of my adult life between 220-300# - morbidly obese for sure. I never gave up trying and it was a central issue in my life for a very very very long time.

He mentioned that I seem to have it whipped now, with the help of the sleeve. When I get stressed, I no longer turn to food. Not to say it is all smooth sailing, I still have to maintain of course - but in his eyes, I have the tools and know how to use them. He also knows that if for some reason I can't maintain a healthy weight with the sleeve, I WILL revise to the DS - I am NEVER going back to being morbidly obese, it is just not an option for me.

So, he went through all the reasons that I NEED to have these plastics in his mind.... but ended it by saying that it is like a milestone, or the end of a certain chapter. It is the throwing away the "fat pants". It is the really committing to maintaining in some sort of healthy weight range.

What my real anxiety is about is now that the obesity dragon ... well is maybe not slayed, but is beaten back deep into it's cave and has armed guards posted at the entrance - NOW WHAT??? I had been having some of those thoughts myself even before he mentioned this. I am a goal driven person, I am persistent beyond reason when I really want something in my life (an attribute that makes me hard to live with at times I hear...haha)

He talked to me about considering changing my career and refocusing my energy on that. He reminded me of the personal characteristic that I have that makes me successful at my job (besides bullheaded persistence...lol) and told me I will be so much happier with a career that centers around that characteristic.

you know what, my anxiety level dropped about 1000% after that conversation because it rang so true. Like I can finally name the beast that has been stressing me which gives me a more meaningful context for my emotions.

Don't get me wrong, plastics are scary, but I have a proportionate level of "nerves" over that. What is really getting at me is what the heck am I going to do? My kids are grown, my body is finally at the level of health I want, my career is boring... so, truly - what next? I post like mad on VST, but frankly that is not how i want to spend my life.Yes, I have tons of friends, my horse hobby keeps me busy, I go out to movies and other fun stuff with friends - I am not bored, but, I do feel a little aimless at times.

I am not asking for suggestions - i am putting this out there to find out if any of this resonates with others? I think it might be a middle age crisis thing too... I turn the BIG 50 in 2014....

At the start of this year, I wrote down everything in my life that I didn't like. I was shocked to realise how many things were making me miserable.... There were 13!

This included my weight and body, my health, my career, my lack of a man in my life and lots of other things - the conclusion was that I wasn't actually happy with anything.

So at the side of each of the things that I didn't like, I wrote down what i could do to change the situation. I have spent this year dealing with each in turn.

As a driect result, I am now healthier, slimmer, waiting for cosmetic surgery to complete my physical transformation, dealing with my career situation, going out, dancing, having fun with friends etc ... but I have the sense that I am still a work in progress :-))))

For me, I think that sorting out so much has highlighted that I do miss having a partner to share in my new life. No one to make plans with or to look to the future with. Not so much a midlife crisis but perhaps in dealing with all the "noise" in my life and now being happy with how life is going overall, maybe I can now see clearly where my drifting feeling is coming from... Someone to share it all with....

I have a big project every year or every few years if it takes longer. Typically I start in Spring. It keeps me busy through career changes, new homes, remodels, weight loss, workout regimes, move into retirement, etc.

Now that I'm retired, in my forever home (or planned forever home), at goal, in a steady workout pattern, and house is in good shape, I am looking for my new project this coming spring. WLS took a couple of years between getting ready, getting to goal, and becoming comfortable with maintenance.

Lynda

My God Cowgirl, it's like you have read my mind and heart! I'm going to be nakedly honest here, a year and a half ago, spring of 2012, I was at my lowest weight and fittest, I did crossfit 3x a week, yoga 5x a week, running with a trainer friend once a week, and tangoing 2-3x a week, many hours at a time. My weight was still high (wasn't even at surgeon's goal) but the intense compound lifting and strengthening transformed lumpy fat into smooth taut muscle, I'll say it right now, my ass looked damn good! Men turned to watch me walk down the street and one guy I dated, as we were going up a steep flight of stairs said out of nowhere, "every man should have the privilege of walking behind you up a flight of stairs".

I say all of this because, the thoughts you mentioned Cowgirl of "what now" definitely were going through my head during those months when I came *perilously* close to goal and drop dead sexiness. I would lay in bed at night annd feel the sharp knobs of my hipbones, I wore "chicken cutlets" in bras that I formerly muffin topped out of and I think that there was a part of me that was so scared to be finished or thin or whatever, that I self-sabotaged.

BTW, my profile pic in the teeny blue dress was taken at the height of my badassery

But, I have received a lot of excellent therapy in the last 4 months, and a lot of traumatic $%^&*ing life has happened in the last year, and I am not the ingenue I once was. I have always been goal oriented, major long term style goals, so now I am looking at possibly going back for my PsyD, commit myself to learning French, commit myself to dropping the regain, and then commit to plastics. I am going to be as self-absorbed as possible, and I count that as a good thing.

GT- it is good to read about your self confidence coming back. Keep it up. Take life by the horns. Own it. You have the power to control your life.

One thing that I have always wondered about though: why not do some boot camp workouts with the guys in your deployment for getting army strong? Maybe I am missing something, but you have never brought this up in the last year when you were searching for different strategies to get back to your state of badass. Doing army fitness workouts seems perfect, combined with good nutritional eating as you have just committed to per your anti inflammatory style diet.

I feel good about my body but when I was younger these same emotions triggered a regain so I really get it.

I am at a different point in life now... And I am more thinking about career and other life changes. I have committed to 2014 being the year of stability tho. I have had too many changes - many very good some bad - but life turned upside down and I want some settling and finding my feet time.

Even tho my EX pinpointed my "what next" anxiety I really dont want to leap into more change just yet.

No new jobs, houses, horses etc.

For sure, no new weight..I am loving where I am at too much!

When I get back globe I would be interested in discussing this more...

My God Cowgirl' date=' it's like you have read my mind and heart! I'm going to be nakedly honest here, a year and a half ago, spring of 2012, I was at my lowest weight and fittest, I did crossfit 3x a week, yoga 5x a week, running with a trainer friend once a week, and tangoing 2-3x a week, many hours at a time. My weight was still high (wasn't even at surgeon's goal) but the intense compound lifting and strengthening transformed lumpy fat into smooth taut muscle, I'll say it right now, my ass looked damn good! Men turned to watch me walk down the street and one guy I dated, as we were going up a steep flight of stairs said out of nowhere, "every man should have the privilege of walking behind you up a flight of stairs".

I say all of this because, the thoughts you mentioned Cowgirl of "what now" definitely were going through my head during those months when I came *perilously* close to goal and drop dead sexiness. I would lay in bed at night annd feel the sharp knobs of my hipbones, I wore "chicken cutlets" in bras that I formerly muffin topped out of and I think that there was a part of me that was so scared to be finished or thin or whatever, that I self-sabotaged.

BTW, my profile pic in the teeny blue dress was taken at the height of my badassery

But, I have received a lot of excellent therapy in the last 4 months, and a lot of traumatic %^&*ing life has happened in the last year, and I am not the ingenue I once was. I have always been goal oriented, major long term style goals, so now I am looking at possibly going back for my PsyD, commit myself to learning French, commit myself to dropping the regain, and then commit to plastics. I am going to be as self-absorbed as possible, and I count that as a good thing.[/quote']

Edited October 12, 201312 yr by CowgirlJane

I feel good about my body but when I was younger these same emotions triggered a regain so I really get it.

I am at a different point in life now... And I am more thinking about career and other life changes. I have committed to 2014 being the year of stability tho. I have had too many changes - many very good some bad - but life turned upside down and I want some settling and finding my feet time.

Even tho my EX pinpointed my "what next" anxiety I really dont want to leap into more change just yet.

No new jobs, houses, horses etc.

For sure, no new weight..I am loving where I am at too much!

When I get back globe I would be interested in discussing this more...

I so get where you are coming from. I'm not at goal yet, but I understand about the restlessness. I was generally a happy person, but some things made me miserable - namely, my weight and job. So, last year I decided to have the surgery and get my life in order. At my previous weight, I felt like it decreased my marketability. I made 2013 the year of me, and so far, it's been working for me. My kids are young adult/late teen, so I could finally focus on me. As I got my weight under control, my confidence grew, and I actually responded to a head hunter on LinkedIn, which resulted in landing a dream job. I hadn't expected that (worked at the last place 32 years!). So the two things that were making me miserable have been identified and dealt with. I was going to make 2014 another year of me, but I like your idea of making it the year of stability. I hope to have some reconstructive surgery, too, but other than that, I think a year of status quo will do me good. Incidentally, I'm 51, so I do think a lot of it was age related for me, too.

21 years at same company for me.... many great jobs, roles,departments - i even had a 2 year assignment in Europe... but... I am questioning everything. I love my boss, love my team, just not sure I want to be a lifer....

@ Fiddle - I know, right? You would think that being for all intents and purposes, in the Army, that I could just get totally ripped lifting. Instead, as a female, I can't find someone to be a workout partner because no guy wants to open himself up to talk, the Army is hyper paranoid about talk. None of the females I know are interested in lifting, and our installation is pretty small so there aren't any classes like Xfit or spin or P90X etc. I'm on my own!

21 years at same company for me.... many great jobs, roles,departments - i even had a 2 year assignment in Europe... but... I am questioning everything. I love my boss, love my team, just not sure I want to be a lifer....

I had it good where I was, too, in many ways. I had so much opportunity there, and never actually stayed in the same job more than about 3 years. But there were also signs that it was just time to move on. I have to admit, though, I'd have a hard time leaving a job where I loved my boss and team. If you are happy, there might not be anything wrong with being a lifer. That's a hard combo to come by. However, the choice is yours, and what a wonderful luxury that is when we don't have things like weight holding us back

Globe... back in the last century... 1984 to be exact, I was one of about 3 women in my entire college campus that used the weight room at general times. That was the time when they still told women that lifting would make you heavy and ugly... It was intimidting to say the least but I liked it and even then recognized that muscle mass would help with weight management and that being stronger was a good, not a bad thing.

I had taken a female only PE class to learn how to use the equipment and it was all set up for us. Anyway, one time during "open gym" I needed a plate moved that had always been in the right place... I went to lift it and it didnt even budge... me with 30 or so guys in there and I felt about 2" tall. I decided to skip that exercise..and just pretend it didn't happen...haha...I was so self conscious you cannot even fathom. I was fit but had such low self esteem, i scarcely felt entitled to be there... Anyway this super hot guy casually walks over, picks that plate up with one hand and moved it where I needed it and walked away. I KNEW everybody was watching every move I made but at that moment I realized that although I may have been unusual, I wasn't necessarily unwelcome. It changed my attitudes about being there. I eventually got to benching 100+ and only trusted guys to spot for me due to strength issues - and I never had a workout partner, I would just ask any dude standing around and was NEVER turned down.

Sadly my own emotional issues didn't let me overcome and deal with the unfamiliar attention I received elsewhere...and I did regain... but that is a different story - the gym became quite comfortable.

I think .. and pardon me for being so forward to say this... but I think you are creating obstacles that are only partially true in realtity, but 100% true in your own head. My sons are 21 and 24 and while they say funny things about women at times, this generation has been raised with a different sensibility. I am sure there are plenty of jackasses.... but I also bet you can find someone to spot for you as needed and would welcome you - even if not a regular workout buddy.

So, one thing I love about being 49... many, I go around like I own the place everywhere I go...haha. I no longer feel that smallness and unimportantness that I felt as a young woman so often. A male friend of mine told me that women seem to find their own at about 40.... and he may be right. I sure hope future generations find it younger cuz life is better when you feel entitled to live it fully!!!

CGJane, I hear, respect, and absorb all of your wonderful words of wisdom, I am fully on board!! That being said, in my peculiar environment, there are things I have to consider that I wouldn't in the real world. I very much want to return to liftiing, I will figure out a way, I will make it happen! It will just take some thinking is all. I really miss my endocannabinoid rush from lifting.

...

I have committed to 2014 being the year of stability tho. I have had too many changes - many very good some bad - but life turned upside down and I want some settling and finding my feet time.

....

I can understand the desire to have stability after a period of rapid change, and of course you have to do what you feel is best. It is a basic fact of human psychology that the easiest time to implement change in your life is during a period of time when there is already a lot of change going on in your life, or immediately after a period of rapid change. Once you "rest up" after change, you can still change, but it takes more effort.

Edited October 28, 201312 yr by ItsMe2033

I can understand the desire to have stability after a period of rapid change, and of course you have to do what you feel is best. It is a basic fact of human psychology that the easiest time to implement change in your life is during a period of time when there is already a lot of change going on in your life, or immediately after a period of rapid change. Once you "rest up" after change, you can still change, but it takes more effort.

That is a very interesting perspective and i do see your point. I actually DO see 2014 as ongoing change, but nothing as massive as losing 150# and then having major plastic surgery..haha. I have some things I want to do to my house and farmette. I have a new horse, and 2014 will be the year we start doing our thang together. (still have my old horse too, but I needed a younger one to bring along as he is slowing down). I want to travel again, i used to do alot of that. I have this pretty great boyfriend I have been seeing for a few months- but he lives a crazy busy life so it is really part time so i think I might be looking to date someone who is more available and do more fun things. I think 2014 will have changes, but more in the nature of expanding on what I already have in my life, not the major overhaul type stuff. I was thinking about moving to Atlanta for a work opportunity but decided I am just not ready to leave my extended family - including my grown kids.. that sort of thing... not gonna happen in '14