My boyfriend wants to try new positions...namely me on top. I'm really scared and I'm not sure why. I know before surgery any time he asked I couldn't do it and would sometimes end up in tears because of it. Nothing to do wit him, just my insecurity because I was so big. Now that I've lost 100 pounds he is asking again. You would think I'd be all about trying it, but I get the same insecurity and tears as before. I feel like a damn fool. Logically I know I weigh 100 lbs less than before and I weigh less than him now, so I don't know why the insecurity over this hasn't gone away.

Because you've lived a lifetime of those fears and insecurities! They don't just vanish with the weight. In your mind you still remember the humiliation of the failed attempt. It takes a while to build yourself back up. Sounds like you've got a good guy by your side to support you with this. I say make it fun and goofy and just ride that pony, conquer that fear, you'll feel like you've climbed an enormous mountain once you've succeeded!!! Plus the boost of self confidence would be awesome . Don't be so hard on yourself!!!!

HW 312, pre-op (RNY) 255, current weight 204.2

My husband likes it..no matter what I weigh! My suggestion is...lots if foreplay...them turn him on his back when he's not expecting it and do your thing! Turn the lights off if that's what you need. But I think men are very visual and in that position...they can see enjoying yourself!

You're right, I've had these insecurities for so long I don't know how to let them go. I just have to suck it up and do it. I know he'll be all about it so no problem there LOL... I have it in my mind that I'm going to get below a certain number and I'm going to feel totally different and all my insecurities are going to vanish. But logically I know that's not going to happen.

You're right' date=' I've had these insecurities for so long I don't know how to let them go. I just have to suck it up and do it. I know he'll be all about it so no problem there LOL... I have it in my mind that I'm going to get below a certain number and I'm going to feel totally different and all my insecurities are going to vanish. But logically I know that's not going to happen.[/quote']

I was more insecure about it when I was younger...and thinner. Unfortunately we have insecurities regardless of our size.

I was more insecure about it when I was younger...and thinner. Unfortunately we have insecurities regardless of our size.

That's a good point. And one of the fears I had going into this process. I was scared I'd just be replacing my old insecurities with new ones.

My suggestion is to make it a special night. Go get a sexy slutty lingerie and maybe some massage oil, candles - you get the idea! Just make it a fun night.

I would also suggest talking to your boyfriend and explain to him your fears. If he truly loves you he will help you come to grips with it and conquer your fears.

Trust me it is a great thing to conquer!!!????

My suggestion is to make it a special night. Go get a sexy slutty lingerie and maybe some massage oil' date=' candles - you get the idea! Just make it a fun night.

I would also suggest talking to your boyfriend and explain to him your fears. If he truly loves you he will help you come to grips with it and conquer your fears.

Trust me it is a great thing to conquer!!!dde09[/quote']

He understands the fears, just doesn't understand why I still have them after losing so much. It's hard to explain that part of it to someone that hasn't experienced it. Good idea about the lingerie though!

Mrs. Give it to be anytime has die I hate sex. I feel old wrinkly saggy & flat ass. If he gets it once a month or twice he is lucky.

He understands the fears' date=' just doesn't understand why I still have them after losing so much. It's hard to explain that part of it to someone that hasn't experienced it. Good idea about the lingerie though! <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

My hubby does not understand at all. His idea of a weight problem is going from a waist size of 32 to 34. Just be sure to always be open and honest with him, and honest with yourself. With this procedure out bodies change much faster than our brains can keep up with and it takes a while for our brains to catch up.

Ok so today I'm very excited and nervous I've been dating this guy 4 months and the next 2 days we are going away together it's been 6 years since I've been with anyone and he has been very understanding with me about SEX will he isn't expecting that it will happen this weekend we've sleep together but haven't went all the way he doesn't know I'm planing to do it this weekend but feel like its the first time he is very hot very sexual and exciting he told me he was willing to wait till I'm ready I've been ready just nervous and I feel very good in our relationship I figured if he's waited this long took I know took many cold showers that he is true and trusting. I've went and bought some sexy stuff red lacy bra and panties and a sexy night some massage oil candles etc so I've really thought this out and really want to be with him and I know it will be wonderful!!!!!!! Just wish I could have a glass of wine to settle my nerves

So any tips or suggestions for my first time and by the way I'm 57 and only been with 2 people my hole life

This breath, take your time. You've planned this not breath and just do it. It will come back to you and it will be great!!

Darn spell check. " you've planned this, NOW just breath and let happen". Good luck girl. Report back! LOL

It's true, it is like riding a bike. However, I can't say enough for good communication. Tell him you want to do this, but that you are as nervous as your first time. As long as you keep the lines of communication open, and only do what you are comfortable with, then you should be fine!

Yes that is something we have done is talk about this and he understands my nervous and told me whenever I was ready I think he has lots of patience or he really likes me cause I know he's took many cold showers to cool him of so I think that shows there's no pressure from him and I know he really wants to take that next step and for him to wait all this time and no pressure on me says something for his morals and believe me I want him so I'm going to surprise him he's asked what I would like to do during these couple of days while we're gone I've just told him I wanted to spend time with him away and alone don't think I'll have to tell him anything just let things flow naturally and boy am I ready to let it flow its been very hard to hold back I'm ready for this and my god he is so hot when he kisses me I feel the passion through my hole body

You deserve to be loved, your story is wonderful- and yes, pleez report- i live vicariously through others! Cant imagine ever being where you are ! Sigh...