Not sure if this is the right place for this... didn't really want to post in the 'success' thread cos I am saving my goal post for their!

Anyhoo... yep! It's just over three years since I had my sleeve and it really has been a roller coaster ride.

Just a little pre sleeve background; fat kid - mother was and still is to a degree a 'feeder'! Nothing sinister in it, she just loves to see people enjoy food and goodies! As a teenager. although looking back I wasn't really that big, I had a really twisted sense of self image and thought I was disgusting. At 16 I started dieting and basically cut back drastically on calories with little affect! Just made me tired. Still unhappy with my body I joined different slimming clubs and over the next 10 years spent a lot of money with no results. In this time however, I was fit. I used to do a lot of sport; swimming, aerobics, steps, gym, a little running, squash, tennis... the list goes on and I loved it. Looking back I was not big and I was not fat... I was just young and very naive; wanting to look like my skinny friends who were 5-6 inches taller than me and completely different body shape!

At 28 I was preggas with my first - my beautiful daughter (we share the same birthday!) who is now 15. Gained a lot of weight and didn't lose any of it. 2 years later preggas again with my beautiful son who is now 13; same story, gained and never lost. So there I was 30 and morbidly obese I can't even describe how unhappy I was and how much I hated myself. I tried all the slimming clubs again, and had no success which really did get me to a real low place. Throughout this time, I focused on being mam. It seemed the only way to get through the feeling of self loathing was to focus on these two precious people and it worked to a degree. However, the down side was that I lost all sense of me.

Fast forward to 2009, I started researching WLS because I knew it was the only way that I would get healthy and fit again. I knew I had to pay for it because to get it on the NHS (here in the UK) it was virtually impossible at the time. Once my job became permanent, I knew I could get a loan and get the surgery. I attended a few WLS seminars and learnt about the sleeve (I originally wanted the band) and knew it was the one for me. I wanted something permanent, like I was giving myself a new commitment.

Weighing 238lbs I was admitted, signed all the papers and was prepped for the surgery the following morning, that was Friday 2nd July 2010. I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared. I just wanted to start my new life and get 'me' back. The op went well and I stayed in for 5 days - the surgeon wanted clear drains. I am glad I did too, because the first 48 hours were long and a little painful.

The first 6mths I had a steady weight loss, with many stalls. But I was making good progress and generally pleased. I started exercising and feeling good about myself; I was getting stronger and started to like what I saw. My weight loss slowed down considerable and I went down the route of comparing myself to other sleevers in the same time frame - mistake! (Newbie alert - do not do this - it is a pointless exercise as we are all very different and our body reacts differently!) I found my self in a really dark place that was similar to the one I used to go to when I was a young girl. I did continue to lose weight, albeit slowly until Oct 2011! The it all stopped and I have been bouncing around the same weight since then.

I set myself loads of mini goals and targets and never made any of them! That was a kick in the d**k too! I had this image that on my 40th birthday I would be this beautiful slim woman, wearing a killer black dress and knock out heels - nah! I was still obese! And I was gutted.

I would read posts on here that said ' I farted and lost 100lbs' (ok, slight exaggeration, but you get my drift) and think to myself, I wish I could fart that hard! But I couldn't, so I didn't and I just kept plodding along.

My problem was that I had entered early menopause - confirmed when I was 39 and I had started taking HRT. That did one on my system and completely halted my weight loss. I stopped and started different types and didn't get on with any of them. Currently I am not on any medication and I am pretty much 'playing it by ear'!

After the 8mth mark I really upped my exercise and I started going to my son's boxing gym... my goodness me! What a fantastic work out and I really did reap the rewards; not through the scales but physically and mentally. I loved it. I went religiously for a long time - until I had a back injury that stopped me in my tracks. I went to physio and slowly it got better. However, I never really went back to exercising at the same capacity because I was scared that my back would go again. I didn't want to relive that kind of pain and I couldn't afford time off work. I took to walking and some light jogging instead.

Fast forward to today... I still haven't got to my surgeon's goal; I am just 9lbs away and I am I am 24 lbs away from my personal goal (BMI of 24 - not sure that will ever happen). However, I have not experienced a regain and I've maintained this weight since Oct 2011 (with a 2-4 lb 'bounce) - in that time I have dropped two dress sizes - funny how the body works eh? I honeslty believe that I have not regained because I never met goal and this has kept me on my toes and I remain accountable. I never take my sleeve for granted and I am very aware of what, when and why I eat. That doesn't mean I don't eat junk! I do, but rarely. Nothing is 'off limits' to me, I just make choices. The only thing I can't really tolerate is fizzy pop - I can physically drink it, but I hate the gassy feeling and the bloated feeling it gives me, so I stay away.

I am now 3 mths post TT and with the apron gone and some minor muscle repair and I am starting to feel good about myself and this body that holds me. I have started going to Curves and am I feeling the benefit - this is my way back to the boxing gym. My aim is to, with my TT surgeon's permission, get there by Sept/Oct this year. I am also following the 5:2 diet and it seems to be working as I have broken my 'set point' of 164 lbs and am currently sat at 163! Ok, it is only a pound, but after so long of not seeing any movement I feel like a new woman...lol! I am hopefully that I can at least get to my surgeon's goal and possibly even break through that?

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to put the whole picture out there - although, I am sure I have missed a lot!

I suppose the main thing I wanted to get across is that it doesn't really matter what the scale reads! Even today I am medically obese - and although I hate that label it doesn't drive me mad anymore. I am fit and healthy and that is way more important. I have turned my life around and added 20 years to it; 20 quality years at that. I have started to accept 'me' and for the first time in a long time I quite like Coops; she's alright!

I will continue my Quest to get to goal... I refuse to give up on myself and I now realise that I am worth the effort! As cliched as it sounds but it really is a journey. And one that will never really end...

I will find some before and after pics and update them later!

I look down the list of responses here and it's old home week, CLK, M2G, Sweetums, Oregon Daisy,FeedYourEye, Swizzly, we have all been here going through the business together and if I'm not mistaken, share roughly the same time frame. I was sleeved July 2010 and share the 3rd surgiversary with Coops. Coops, everything you said was so right on and to put your awesome accomplishments in perspective, to help you see just how great they are - The lowest I ever got was 164, and I've gained back up to I don't even know what because I'm genuinely frightened to get on the scale. It is crushing. I know a lot of it is my and my choices and what has happened in my life over the last 12 months, but I'm also battling against the Mirena, which I really do feel has helped pack it on.

You think you are still overweight, do you know how much I would love to be "overweight" like you?

I recently received a pretty devastating diagnosis that has left me reeling and one of the treatments for it is a type of steroid, and we know what those do ...

But I apologise, I don't want to hijack this thread or steal your totally well deserved thunder. Coops, you just never give up and I admire the hell out of that, you keep moving forward and have such an awesome attitude, congratulations my sleeve sister! <3