Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Is anyone else having a hard time with compliments...?



Recommended Posts

I always thought I was a pretty person… But I guess now maybe I am what other people consider pretty so A LOT of people in my life are making comments and giving me compliments… I understand 70+lbs is a lot of weight I mean it is 2 ½ of my 3 year old and I don’t have that on my anymore. I guess that changes the way my face looks but I still feel like I look like the same person. I feel like I am the same person only smaller… I need to learn to take compliments better. People tell me how great I look and how pretty I am and I get embarrassed and say thank you… But I need to exude more confidence. When people tell me how pretty I am I need to understand that it isn’t that they didn’t think I was pretty before, they just see a different side of me now… Is anyone else having a hard time with the compliments or did you? If you did how did you learn to just accept it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh, I absolutely hate compliments!! Except from my hubby :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a hard time accepting them from certain people. From People that were positive and joyful from the start I can take tose ones no problems. Its like we are celebrating every size difference and everything positive.

But from Random people or people I don;t know very well, I do say aww thanks and smile and then talk about them to get it off me.

Your right you need to smile, beam and say thank you its been a struggle but I feel great and that answers alot of questions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have always had a difficult time with compliments.. Not just about physical compliments, but about food I cook or bake or my decorating. But I'm shy.. Not! Lol.. I don't know why I'm like flustered when someone compliments me.. No doubt it's some disorder.. Syndrome or I wasn't rocked enough as a child etc;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm having a hard time accepting compliments! Of course I smile, which I am smiling 24/7 but even when it's said... I'm like oh no stop, that can't be true. I am a shy person, maybe that is the reason. Maybe it is just something I need to get used too!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get compliments and then "OMG, don't lose any more weight, your face is so hollow" So mine are a wash. The fact that I'm OLD makes the hidden wrinkles shine through which were filled in with fat before. I think overall I have a difficult time with compliments because I don't feel any different, not any thinner, not any prettier and surely not any more intelligent. I think people who compliment you at times are the same people who wouldn't have spoken to you when you were fatter. I hate those compliments. You all know the ones that come from the prejudice folk against fat, short or not so beautiful people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, but I've been told to accept graciously and just say "thank you". Still feels weird.

Shel - Olathe, KS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get compliments and then "OMG, don't lose any more weight, your face is so hollow" So mine are a wash. The fact that I'm OLD makes the hidden wrinkles shine through which were filled in with fat before. I think overall I have a difficult time with compliments because I don't feel any different, not any thinner, not any prettier and surely not any more intelligent. I think people who compliment you at times are the same people who wouldn't have spoken to you when you were fatter. I hate those compliments. You all know the ones that come from the prejudice folk against fat, short or not so beautiful people.

what kind of jerk would say that?!? I'd be tempted to say "I guess my face matches your soul." haha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do. I started with the thank yous and it helped. I also learned to return a compliment so that the focus is no longer on me. Im not sure how well this will work when I lose the weight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I work in a very busy Dr's office and many people only come in once a year and you'd be surprised how many people have told me I look older. I have said this before, when I was fatter, I would hear , "you have such a pretty face, if only you could take off a few pounds", now the "weightless and make you look older". I am very pleasant and thank those that sincerely compliment me, but after a day of negative comments, I get thinking about robbing a bank for the facelift. :-) Over all, I am healthier, love being able to shop online and not worry about trying stuff on. I workout 5 days a week and love it. I don't feel any different inside. Same ole me.

what kind of jerk would say that?!? I'd be tempted to say "I guess my face matches your soul." haha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a hard time accepting compliments and I too am an only child. My wife tells me how good I look all the time. However, I don't see any changes so its kind of hard to hear/believe them. However, since it's my wife, I am gracious and smile.

Sent from my iPad using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Generally people just say "you look great" and I say "thanks, I feel great" that seems to be my standard answer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some people give compliments and mean them. "Thank you" is the appropriate response.

Sadly, some people use backhanded or negative "compliments" (your face is hollow, you shouldn't lose any more weight, etc.) that are not meant to make you feel good but reflect something nasty inside of them. Those people generally just get a stare and blank face from me. I'm not into intimidation. I turn and walk away - they know what they've said. It's usually jealousy.

I've been through this my whole life living on the Yo-Yo. To people whom I do not know well and do not consider friends, my response to "How much weight have you lost?" is usually something along the lines of "my body is not an appropriate topic of conversation." You know when someone is trying to be supportive; unfortunately, there are whole bunches of folks who are not supportive. I have no time for them.

When friends ask how much weight I have lost, I am happy to share.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

what kind of jerk would say that?!? I'd be tempted to say "I guess my face matches your soul." haha

I literally just laughed out loud for like 5 minutes. That is exactly the response I would say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 1 reply
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×