Okay, so here is my question. How do I tell my very best friend I am going to have this surgery? She has been my best friend for years and we have both struggled with weight problems, losing lots then gaining lots etc. etc. She has currently lost about 25lbs doing WW and working out and she looks fantastic, I am so proud of her. But I myself am so sick of yo-yo dieting and I have never been a normal or shall I say healthy weight my entire life. I am so ready for this surgery but I know she would not agree with me when it comes to this one. Could I get away with not telling her? But that just wouldn't be right. She'll probably figure it out just by watching me eat. Any advice??

That whole feeling of "she can do it. Why can't I??" is why I readily tell people. Women especially tend to beat up on one another terribly!! It is sad! Meanwhile....I have not had but one negative reaction from my "friends". She didn't do or say anything, to me, about me, she said negative things about another friend who was banded to me. Now she is distant, and when I see her she refuses to discuss it or comment on my weight loss. Which is fine. She was the only teeny tiny one of us, and I have come to the conclusion she preferred it that way. I see it as her loss....the other banded friend and I have a lot to offer, and if she cannot support it, then it is truly her loss. Besides her, no one has reacted negatively, at least to my face. If they choose to discuss it behind my back, all I can say is there is less back to discuss it behind! And my true friends, want only the best for me--and if this works as best for me, they will be happy, just as I would have been for them.

Now that all being said, you are in a different situation than I am. The friend I have that is banded is the only one besides me who was severely obese. A couple of them are "natural" size 12-14-16's. But not real big. And then there are a couple who are "natural" size 4's!! But they all seem happy, but there isn't a jealousy thing going on. and I don't mean that jealousy thing negatively...I just mean, that of course if she sees you doing it, she would love to do it too. I felt a bit that way, my friend was banded 7 months before I was. 6 before I figured a way to finance it. So I had the "wish it was me" thing. But more than that I love my friend...I wanted it for her! I hope I can always be the kind of friend who would want what is best for her, regardless of whether I can have the same thing or not!! I mean I have a friend who has a home that is beautiful!!! It is 4500 sq. feet. and she has a pool, and drives cars that are paid for, and has a Christmas tree that is no less than 12 foot high!!! She will neverhave financial worries. Do I wish I had her $$$$? You betcha!!! Do I wish she didn't because I don't? Nope, I am happy for her anyway---she is a good person, she deserves all of it and more!!!

Just don't shortchange your friend. She may wish she too could have the surgery....but that doesn't automatically mean she will be vindictive if you do have it. I mean you chose her for your best friend for a reason. Would you want her to tell you? How would you act if it were reversed?

I love my band....I really do. I love how it has changed my life, but if I had to choose---I would have chose my friends. I would hate to see an omission of truth destroy a loving friendship.

It is something to give serious thought to. But only you know the "type" of friendship you have with one another.

Good Luck in your decision!

Kat

If you do tell - stress the difference between the surgeries. Educate the people you tell so they don't freak out and think you are going to die. it seems that MOST people do not know there is a substantial difference between the band and the RNY. Hence the "Don't you think that's a bit Drastic" comments. Yeah - any surgery is drastic - but the Band is so much LESS drastic than the other options. So much more reversible and fixable than the RNY. Most people just don't get that.

My poor Mom was so stressed out about it - but now it's just not a big deal. Not only did I get up off the operating table - but I am losing gradually and having no side effects at all. If you have friends that will worry - take them to a seminar and talk it through with them.

:]

This question is a real dilema and one I know we all struggle with. I chose only to tell a few friends because of the comments - backhanded or not. I just don't think having this "tool" makes it any easier to lose weight than someone else. We still have to make choices and if I chose not to stuff sweets in my mouth or get a fill so I can't take that second helping - that should be a personal choice and not one made because I'm being monitored by others. I feel fantastic and I love how being thinner feels. When asked how I'm doing it - I reply exercise and diet - and in reality that's what I am doing! I think you have to examine your decisions. I know that those I shared will always know but those I didn't share with will never know (not from me!)

Have a great week!

I must be lucky then, because I fully believe my band has made it MUCH easier to lose weight! Of course we still have to make good choices, but my band eliminating hunger goes a long way towards me making the right choice! I know there is no way in the world I would have lost this weight without it! I had tried many a time!!!

Besides that, I agree fully---who we do or who we don't tell, or discuss the band with is a very personal decision.

Kat

We still have to make choices and if I chose not to stuff sweets in my mouth or get a fill so I can't take that second helping.....

This is so true angel bear. I see so many people complaining that they have "no restriction" and then claiming they aren't losing weight. When you suggest a fill they completely disagree. I see that as trying to get around the tool that you elected to have implanted. If you don't want to get a fill to be restricted not to have a second helping then you are going against what you elected to do in the first place.

Sorry for the hi-jack.