I decided it was time for me to start a little 'home' for my journey. I am being banded Dec 18/06 with Dr. Ortiz in TJ. I live in Victoria, BC.

I have struggled with weight my whole life - no kidding. I am tired of it. I want to be in control of food, instead of the other way around. I am very confident in this procedure, and in the results I will have after it. I am a hungry person, and not a happy person when I am hungry. So then I eat to control my inner grouch, and get fatter and more depressed. I am sure you can all see where this is going.

I am married to a great supportive husband, and have 2 boys who are 21 and 18. My youngest is supportive of this procedure, but my oldest wants mommy just the way she is. He is worried about safety. My youngest is only worried about money....hmmm.... I might have to chat with him about that.:guess

I am off to work now, I hope anyone who pops by this thread, finds something of interest. Best wishes to you all.

Hi Sunsreturn! I was just coming to this site to get your PM info to ask you about fills. You read my mind! Thank you! (Superpowers of the band, no doubt). I think I will go to TJ for atleast my first fill as well. I can get a return flight Vancouver to SanDiego for about $350, so it makes sense to me. Furthermore, I would rather have someone with Dr.Ortiz' experience looking after me.

I don't understand why we are penalized for going out of the country. Ofcourse we would like to stay in the province and have it covered with our MSP rather than self pay. I just don't get it.

Thanks for your help, you are an inspiration! I am not going to worry about the other stuff. It is what it is, and I am blessed enough to have a job that will allow me to earn an income and to plan my schedule around my health for the next while. Life is good, and I appreciate all of the little things that make it that way.

Take Care!

I really like your name Bandiva.

You are really going to enjoy the control you will gain. After 5 months I don't miss the food. At first it was hard going past my favorite food places and knowing I couldn't go in and eat,eat and eat. Then I moved to Ha I have beat you ,you buffet. Now I don't even notice them when I pass them. Even the grocery store was hard at first . Now its just like picking up paper towels . Its just food. I eat to live now.

Just trying to pass on the good with the bad.

your future band sister,

edie

Thanks Edie! It is amazing how we live to eat. I just got up to go to the washroom and somehow ended up standing in front of the fridge, door open, ready to have some cottage cheese until I remembered that I am on a diet. Totally mindless eating. It's a mystery to me.

:clap2: Thanks for the encouragement, I can't wait to eat to live. I have felt so powerless for so long when it comes to food. It makes me feel inferior and that starts a whole new eating frenzy. Then I go on a diet the next day, until 3 pm when I fall off of it. Then I eat, then I diet and so on and so on. So much of my (lack of) self worth is tied up in my food addiction. I am ready to move on...this time for me.

That is so true bandiva. It is really something to experience food again like we are all suppose to. I actually enjoy food sooooo much more now that I'm banded. I can only eat a little, but it tastes 10x better!!! And I'm satisfied for sooo long. It is truly a miracle!!!:xena_banana:

Well, I made it through a really low point yesterday. Cried real big self pity tears. Ended up eating about 1000 cal yesterday, which is more than the 800 I have been sticking too, but at the end of the day 'big deal.'

I think it was the stress of knowing that I leave in a week, and I was feeling very deprived cause all my friends were going out without me AND to my favorite restaurant. I guess it is self centered to think the world will stop for me! I actually feel bad for a lot of my friends, because they have done Jenny Craing, Herbal Magic, etc...throughout the year, spending tons of money and are now eating every chocolate and holiday treat in sight. It's amazing how food can make us lose our sanity and logic.

I really believe it must be a powerful addiction. And to those of us with addictive personalities, it is our drug of choice...we can control it for a while, and then we have a little slip and fall right back into the addiction. That is how it is...no, was...for me. I have to beleive those days are behind me and that I am now in control of what goes in my mouth. It is really unfortunate that food addiction is not something that is recognized by our health care system. I am very fortunate to have a great doctor who focuses on weight loss. He has worked all over the world and says that there is no place with the illnesses that we have in North America because of what we eat and how much we eat. He has been very supportive. He is good friends with the only bariatric surgeon on the island, so I am hoping he will be able to apply some pressure for me for my fills. We will see. He has watched me lose 90 pounds and gain 110, so he knows me well.

I haven't been exercising, just too tired after work. I work in a spa, so this is a very busy season. Unfortunatley everyone has been giving me chocolates. I have thrown some out, and given some away, but I haven't had even one bite. I am the kind of person that if I have one, it is game over for the rest of the seasonn. I will go on the treadmill today, I want to feel powerful and strong before my surgery.

Have a fabulous day everyone, I really appreciate you and all your witty, charming, funny, and inspirtational thoughts. I am glad I found you.

Hey Bandiva....self-analysis is a good thing and it does sound like you have your head on straight (half the battle).

No worries about the tears. There were times (moreso just after I was banded) that my husband and I would be eating dinner (by ourselves....no kids) and I would burts into tears....seemingly for no reason. Poor guy!!! He'd be like...."what, you don't like what I made for supper?" LOL. Invariably the tears would always be a result of me thinking...."dammit...I'm eating this itsy bitsy amount of food and not really eating the kind of food I WANT to eat....what the heck is this....this is ridiculous......." blah blah blah.....Looking back it was because I was still in what I started to call the "mourning" phase.....I was just so damn sad that I couldn't have WHAT I wanted (type and amount).......but, alas....it passed (mostly). I still have some mourning but not that intense....more like, "hey man, I wish I could have....oh yeah, but I can't...that's a good thing".

Sorry....all that to say that you aren't alone in your feelings and thoughts!

Bandiva, it DOES sound like you have your head on straight. And you wouldnt be human if you didnt shed some tears. Hell, once I turned 40, I gave myself permission to feel WHAT I feel. So, feel what you want to feel!!!! You have made a FANTASTIC decision, that I know you won't regret, and if your like most of us here, you'll wish you'd done it long ago. Food is an addiction, and you will mourn, and it will pass, and you'll love your new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............and you've got all us crazy folk to fall back on.:xena_banana:

Heck, most of these guys on here have been witness to my little melt-downs from time to time. Thats what were here for!!

You guys are awsome thanks. Had another big cry for breakfast and now I think I am over it, atleast for now. I love that you have given me permission to mourn...I never thought of it that way. Thank you.

Learning to live without eating is a tough one for us banded ones. :help: There will be some ups and some downs. Don't beat yourself up over the downs. :angry Just come here for support instead, eh.

Well, one more week left for me. I have booked myself heavily so I hope this week flies by. I woke up this morning and my teenager is still awake, has been playing video games all night. When I reminded him he has to work at 2 pm he says ' its not like I have a physical job....' Grrrrr

Anyways, today is going to be a great day. I will work hard and eat well! I still need to lose about another 4 pounds before my surgery to make my Dr.'s goal of 5% of my body weight so I need to stay focussed.

Hope everyone has a great day today and that your teenagers don't drive you crazy too.

I woke up this morning and my teenager is still awake, has been playing video games all night. When I reminded him he has to work at 2 pm he says ' its not like I have a physical job....' Grrrrr

.

That is toooooooooooooooooo funny!!! ahhhhh he'll soon be in the "realworld" and figure out that he can't live like that for long!! aaaah, to be that naive!!! LOL

Thanks Yoda. You are right it is kinda funny, although I didn't think so. I am really trying hard to let go and quit trying to make everything perfect in my kids world. It is quite a process. I was never very good at the whole patience thing.

Was quite emotional when I came home tonight...ie...dirty kitchen etc. What really happened is this. My family (parents and siblings) are not affectionate people and I am. This has been a problem my whole life when I wanted to hug them etc. I know it is just the way they are, just like I am the way I am. (On a side note, I am adopted so we could analyze that from the whole nature nurture side of things) Anyways, I called my dad today for his birthday and I thougtht it would be nice if I told him that I loved him. This has only happened a few times in my life. So I say 'bye Dad, I love you' and he say's 'Ya. OK.' and hangs up. Now I adore my dad and he is very sweet and gentle but I want to jump up and down screaming why can't you guys just say that you love me!!!

Actually, now that I have visualized that it is kinda funny. They would be horrified and not have a clue what to do. This is normally where I would go and eat, but tonight I will stay strong even if it means I have to lock myself in my room.

I think I have some work to do about my food issues....hmmm. I will save that for a few months down the road. Maybe I can do that instead of obsessing about every decision my kids make! I need to remember to breathe. Everything always works out just the way it is suposed to.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugz for Bandiva)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hey Bandiva

My dad is exactly the same, although I know he loves me very much, he cannot show his emotions. I remember when I was a teenager around 15 I went off to camp for 2 weeks. My mother was all over me when they dropped me off, and shes like c'mon Fred give her a kiss goodbye. He likes taps me a few times on the head and says 'okay, see ya in a couple of weeks'. LOL. So now, cause I know he gets soooooo embarrassed, I like grab him and kiss him all over his face 1,000 times, it drives him crazy, but deep down I know he loves it.

He can't change, so I did.

Hang in there, 1 week to go, and emotions are high!!

You all are absolutely right, the emotions are a mess. I am fine all day at work, but at bedtime I seem to fall apart. The dr gave me some pills for anxiety...it appears he knew what he was doing. I took one last night, after having a big huge ugly cry, and fell asleep quickly. I think I am just going to take one every night this week. Apparently I am more anxious than I realized.

It is great having the support here. I have learned so much. I can't imagine going through this without this lifeline...Thanks again.

I am down another pound today. Have a long day at work today, we are doing a spa party tonight for a group of massage therapy students. Should be really fun and positive. (Its the bridal party ones that stress me out.) I nested on Sunday, cleaned closets, went grocery shopping etc. All in all, I am pretty much ready to go.

Well off to another skinny day. I have lost 12 pounds so far...2 more to go before surgery. Big hug everyone.