male only Divorce/non marraige breakups

[Capt Derel 287]

Tell me this isnt happening to me. Omg. I must be losing my mind. My gf is the best gf who loves and nutures me and I know she has my back 100%. I just cant help revisiting all the bad things shes done in the past and all the bad habit she has today and refuses to change and its literally driving me insane. I have been reading and come to find out this is more common than I thought. Im going to end up being single again because of my surgery. She knew this before hand but prayed that it wouldnt happen. Well I vowed to let her stay with me until she finishes school in hopes my mind changes but as for right now I am done. Shes done nothing wrong for me even to feel this way. Smfh.

I am a strong person and I cant believe this surgery had this effect on me. I will survive with or without her but it has zapped the love right out of me. I feel so bad cause I am her sole supporter and she cant make it on her own. I must be a f**king horrible person.

She took me for granted and when I broke the news to her she sat down for a few days and realized that I am her true love and I feel like I am just throwing that away. I just dont have it in me to stay. Its gone.

I just hope I snap out of it but I cant live a lie and stay if it doesnt come back cause its unfair to her, my son and myself. Damn you Gastric Sleeve.

[HoosierGirl 780]

Life is so short. You are feeling this way for a reason. I don't think it's the surgery as much as you respecting yourself and knowing she is not the right person for you. Sounds like she is a good person - so be direct and kind, but let her go. You cannot manufacture feelings that aren't there. Good luck - this is tough stuff.

[Wolfgirl1978 256]

I agrees with above that this about respecting yourself and doing what is best for you. Making a clean break will be the best thing you can do for her an for yourself.

I can relate to you, my divorce will be final at the end of this month.

You are not a bad person. Good luck!

[T'snewstart 251]

I feel you! You are going through some serious changes..... I am no expert in relationships that is for sure. I too had come to the very same crossroads. I had to ask myself a few questions. 1· Is it really ok to hold someone's past mistakes against them? ( would I like it if the tables we turned and someone was holding my past against me) 2· Am I trying to mold this person into to who I want them to be? ( If I answered yes to either of these questions I knew I was being unfair) I am speaking for myself here.... I have had to readjust my own thinking. I had to focus on the good things, the positive things that drew us together in the first place.... Of course there are deal breakers in every relationship. So far I have yet to experience any in this situation. Best of Wishes

[apricot1119 105]

Some of it is the change in you, some of it is just being human. When I went through my pre sugery stuff my doc asked me to rate my marriage 1-10. All relationships feel the stress of this. I thought no way it would mine. My husband is incredibly supportive and I value him. Them I lost the initial fun fast loss. All of a sudden I wanted attention. I sought it from outside my marriage. I got busted early and felt relatively relieved and we worked through it. I couldn't believed I had even open the door, but I can see what happens now. It really is that you come through a different person. The reason you feel bad is because you still love her. The reason all those "little" things seem annoying is because you want out. I know this seems weird, but if you are sure you want out, dragging it on hoping to fall back in love with her is unfair to you and will turn in to torture for her. Staying in a loveless relationship kills your self esteem.

[Bos123 221]

My dh and I have been together for 15 yrs. this surgery aside, there were times that I ( and probably him) wanted out or thought, "what am I doing here?". Each time I gave it some time, reevaluated, and thought is this worth fighting for? People change and not alway at the same times. So I would give it some time, and each time it seems that we grew back together. For me it is worth it. For all the things that annoy me about him, I'm sure I annoy him just as much. But he is there for me and loves me fat or thin, and visa versa. So really take some time and make sure you are making the right decision for yourself. If I'd have followed through I would have missed out on some fantastic memories over the years. A quote from an old couple when asked how they stayed together for so long " we never fell out of love at the same time". Or, " the grass is greener where you Water it". Love that one too;) anyway good luck with your decision, I hope it works out for you either way;)

[aroundhky 1,174]

So much sleeve relationship drama around here. Things are good on my end. Wish you the best "Capt".

[mom2five 292]

I think you and your gf should get some counseling and try to work through these issues. Relationships have all sorts of phases. Even in marriages, people go through dry spells where you feel like just friends or like it is going nowhere... You wonder if you even love that person... ppl can't just end their relationships over that. I am willing to bet that if you stick it out and maybe get some counseling together, you will be happy again. You are going through a lot of changes right now because of your surgery...it is not a good time to make a huge decision like this.

[mark! 449]

My honest opinion? If you're letting her stick around, and you're supporting her, if she's not blood, or wearing your ring, she's out regardless. So you're not together, she knows this, what if she brings another man over? You gonna handle that well? What if you have the chance to hook up with someone, and you tell them "oh my ex lives with me still" boom she'll be gone faster than the road runner man. Plus, the wonderful common law marriage laws and community property laws. Not sure what state you're in but in Texas, she'd have rights to everything in your house and nothing you can do but take her to court.

You said she's done nothing wrong, but then you say you can't stop revisiting the past and her "habits" etc. I'll tell you from experience in law enforcement, if her habit is alcohol and drugs, and your little boy is around that, and Mom is a clean person and finds out about it, you'll have more trouble on your hands than it's worth to keep her around.

[tdjones 8]

My honest opinion? If you're letting her stick around' date=' and you're supporting her, if she's not blood, or wearing your ring, she's out regardless. So you're not together, she knows this, what if she brings another man over? You gonna handle that well? What if you have the chance to hook up with someone, and you tell them "oh my ex lives with me still" boom she'll be gone faster than the road runner man. Plus, the wonderful common law marriage laws and community property laws. Not sure what state you're in but in Texas, she'd have rights to everything in your house and nothing you can do but take her to court.

You said she's done nothing wrong, but then you say you can't stop revisiting the past and her "habits" etc. I'll tell you from experience in law enforcement, if her habit is alcohol and drugs, and your little boy is around that, and Mom is a clean person and finds out about it, you'll have more trouble on your hands than it's worth to keep her around.[/quote']

I total agree with you!

[bittahoney 12]

You said she has done nothing wrong but then you state she has done bad things, has bad habits, and has taken you for granted. Sounds like she has done something wrong. I don't like that fact that when you broke the new to her that she comes back a few days later and says you are her true love. Sounds like a load of crap to me. Sounds like she doesn't want to loose her financial support. If you are not happy then you need to leave. She is a big girl and will have to put her big girl panties on. She survived without you before. This is a time that you need positivity in your life and you need to be happy. You are worth your happiness and deserve happiness. You need to take this time to grow and better yourself and if she isn't going to support and help you grow then she needs to leave. I have been in your situation and the stress is overwhelming and isn't healthy. I have a hard time believing she did nothing to deserve your feelings. Hopefully you can be honest with her and talk to her about the situation again. I'm sure your decision will become easier which ever way you decide. Good luck.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

So, it isn't the sleeve that causes this.

It is two things in my opinion.

#1. the emotional rollercoaster that comes with massive weight loss. Honestly, I think that situation just requires tightening your seatbelt and riding it out. That is the example of women especially wanting the "attention" all of a sudden. I think that phase passes quickly and is a bad reason to end a good relationship. I notice how much i have changes (from some inner chaos) to feeling so much more comfortable and happy in a few months time - this is a temporary state of mind!

#2. and this is the serious one - without food to bury your emotions, you start to notice the unhappy ones. you start to realize you do have options, including just being alone as that is sometimes better then how a partner has been treating us for years.

I have no idea how any of this relates to your situation Capt, but i guess a question to ask is this "if you had been a normal weight guy all along, would you have considered this a quality relationship?". If not, well, maybe that is the answer.

[TNSleever 4]

I have no idea how any of this relates to your situation Capt' date=' but i guess a question to ask is this "if you had been a normal weight guy all along, would you have considered this a quality relationship?". If not, well, maybe that is the answer.[/quote']

Great point... I think that may very well be the tell-all, end-all in this scenario. Best of luck, Capt.

[buplee 556]

I am so sorry you are going through such issues Capt. I wish you the best.

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