Mandy has had her band since March 23rd. She has only lost 22 lbs. I had lost 56 at that point. Should I be concerned? She started at 269. I started at 218 I feel so bad for her. :help:

The rate of loss doesnt matter. Are you comparing her loss to yours? Never do that, I am 10 months out and down 52 lbs........not very fast compared to many others, yet faster than some. I have averaged about 5 lbs a month, I look and feel great. What makes you think "it isn't working'? I think if she gets better restricition and keeps plugging along she will be fine. Even if she continues at a slow rate of loss (she is losing around 3-4 lbs per month?) she will be down a substantial amount within the first year.

I personally think she needs peer (whether age or LB) support outside of the family. You have and will always be the mother- authority type figure. Mothers are mothers not friends no matter how hard they try.(and should be in IMHO)

She needs a support forum that you refrain from. Check the state boards and see when the face to face is or have her attend the support for upcoming banders and others at the surgeons office. Put her in the leader position not following you. Her weight loss is great on any measure. Just with the title of your thread you subconciously may be sending signals of dispproval to her. I dont think it is healthly for a mother and daughter to compete especially in weight loss.

You have done a superb job in weight loss and this could create animosity. It hurts for your competetitor to pull so far ahead.

This message was created with loving, experieced opinions and has no intended malice or judgements.

my cousin is not losing much either. we can't tell if she's having band problems (leaks in band or tube) or if the fill is not right.

she's not eating lots of soft, high calorie foods. but she can eat more than one would want to if they had a band.

now this past week, i learn that she was too tight after her last fill and was throwing up all night. so doesn't that mean she doesn't have a leak???

her weight has gone up and down. true, she has lost more than she would have otherwise. but she wanted the band to lose much more.

she's going back in two weeks for a closer look and maybe another fill. i can't tell just how much she is discouraged because i don't want to invade feelings, but i know it must bother her.

Let's see, I've lost 14lbs since my surgery in November 05 - i really only count since my first fill in January since I gained back all my weight lost before that fill. Now if it wasn't for my boyfriend i would be insane over how little that is - about 2lbs a month to be exact. He continually reminds me to take the long term perspective, to look at the big changes i've made, to rejoice in what i've lost so far, to not have gained 14 lbs,

If it was up to him I would weigh once a month and assess things after one year - i dont have that patience but I'm trying. I am so glad I only told one person of this surgery as it would kill me to have to justify or discuss my slow or lack of weight loss with anyone. It seems like the band is working for your daughter - just at her own pace - why put any timetable on this - a couple of pounds a month steady loss will net 25+ a year....I used to gain at least that much every year!

The tortoise wins in the end. Also, just to be on the safe side, is she "eating around" the band. Many of us do (we are creatures of eating disorders ya know).

my cousin is not losing much either. we can't tell if she's having band problems (leaks in band or tube) or if the fill is not right.

she's not eating lots of soft, high calorie foods. but she can eat more than one would want to if they had a band.

now this past week, i learn that she was too tight after her last fill and was throwing up all night. so doesn't that mean she doesn't have a leak???

her weight has gone up and down. true, she has lost more than she would have otherwise. but she wanted the band to lose much more.

she's going back in two weeks for a closer look and maybe another fill. i can't tell just how much she is discouraged because i don't want to invade feelings, but i know it must bother her.

It doesn't sound like a leak. She probably needs to watch what she is eating....doesn't take much it could be what she is consuming. Why is she going back for another fill if she is throwing up??

bettina,

it looks like the doc overfilled: 2.5 cc. but when she went back, she got even more unfilled: 1.5cc instead of the 2.0cc she was at before. so she's at a deficit right now.

the vexing thing is, even if she were eating the right foods 100% of the time, she can still consume more than she should if she had good restriction.

from reading the boards, i know that finding the right restriction is tough.

but her situation is like lady splenda's in that her mom has had a band for a while and has lost a lot of weight. and even when her mom (my aunt) is trying to be the most postive and encouraging that she can, i'm sure my cousin still feels that her mom is comparing herself to her--committment, choices, etc.

NOT TO SAY THAT THIS IS WHAT LADY SPLENDA IS DOING. i'm just comparing the complex mother/daughter dynamic.

We live in a small town with no support group close. I asked her to go to TOPS. But she works on that night. Are there any groups for younger bandsters. Maybe we should start a bandesters under 25 group. Any other suoort groups for bandsters that you all can suggest.

Mandy has had her band since March 23rd. She has only lost 22 lbs. I had lost 56 at that point. Should I be concerned? She started at 269. I started at 218 I feel so bad for her. :help:

Back to your original post. I think she is doing well. Some people are tortises. So no, I don't think you should be concerned. Just be her loving mom. If she asks for help, work with her, but as the mom of an adult daughter, I know from experience, that she probably doesn't want any help from you. My DD has no problem with saying, "Mom, let it go. It's my problem. I will solve it." I understand that you love her, and as a mom, you would like to help. But, adult daughters are still adults. It's so hard to let go. Just love her and be there if she wants you.

bettina,

it looks like the doc overfilled: 2.5 cc. but when she went back, she got even more unfilled: 1.5cc instead of the 2.0cc she was at before. so she's at a deficit right now.

the vexing thing is, even if she were eating the right foods 100% of the time, she can still consume more than she should if she had good restriction.

from reading the boards, i know that finding the right restriction is tough.

but her situation is like lady splenda's in that her mom has had a band for a while and has lost a lot of weight. and even when her mom (my aunt) is trying to be the most postive and encouraging that she can, i'm sure my cousin still feels that her mom is comparing herself to her--committment, choices, etc.

NOT TO SAY THAT THIS IS WHAT LADY SPLENDA IS DOING. i'm just comparing the complex mother/daughter dynamic.

Gotcha on the fill, that makes sense. I think mom cut her explanation off and i missed some info. Ya know, just the fact that they both got banded makes it competitive no matter what one each says because even if they don't compare each other...friends and family members will. If I were her daughter, I prob wouldn't even tell anyone that I was banded. My sis had GB...and now I am gonna be banded...there is already tension..ugh it sucks...I have already heard "well the band wasn't avail then" ugh.

We live in a small town with no support group close. I asked her to go to TOPS. But she works on that night. Are there any groups for younger bandsters. Maybe we should start a bandesters under 25 group. Any other suoort groups for bandsters that you all can suggest.

I went out of town to a support group meeting last night--my first. I highly suggest Mandy do the same---but only if SHE wants to! Omg it was awesome!!!!!!! I can't wait for the next one! LOL.

It seems like she is losing pretty well. I'd say let her do this on her own. I am sure she knows you are there for support. At this time in her life, as you have said, she is pretty busy with school and work.

Take care. Shawn

If she wants someone to talk to have her email me here or at piercedqt78@scglobal.net I will gladly be her band friend. ~Mandy