Psychological Issues

[4ALongerLife 329]

Cleo you asked about emotions after surgery.......

I thought that the doctors might be concerned that some people may just flip out or experience major anxiety after the surgery. However, dorrie's post seems to indicate that doctors are just trying to make sure that we are making educated decisions about having the surgery.

It seems as though some people on this forum get really depressed and/or have a difficult time emotionally right after the surgery and I was wondering why. Do you feel weak or vulnerable right after the surgery? what other kind of thoughts cause post surgery depression? or are those emotions due solely to hormonal fluctuations?

I think the dr.'s make sure that you won't have other addictions. There are many articles about transfer addictions or crossover addictions. Gambling, sex, shopping, alcohol and even drugs, you name it. But for most overweight ppl, we've used food as a comfort, as a solace... it's maladaptive. I personally believe it's also as you've heard ppl say "alcoholism is a disease" - the only difference b/w us and them is that our 'drug of choice' is food. The maladaptive coping mechanisms we've used for years have to be changed. It took years to establish them, it's going to take time to address them.

Further complicating matters is that immediately after surgery you have NO appetite. It slowly comes back, and some ppl have lost a lot of weight in a very short time period. Hormonally, your body hasn't figured out all of the weight it's lost. And you know how emotional women are specifically (ladies don't take my women's club card for saying it)... but imagine an overwhelming amount of estrogen flowing through your body AND now you no longer have the way that you coped. It is a hard time to go through. But I can say, been there, done that and this too shall pass.

WLS of any kind is NOT a "magic wand." It's a lot of work after the sacrifice of putting your body through this ordeal, then it's work on your head and behaviors for life in order to be successful.

In all honesty, the way you worded your questions Cleo, I'm wondering if you're researching a paper or an article....but good questions nonetheless.

Success wished to you all!

[Sansa 39]

In all honesty, the way you worded your questions Cleo, I'm wondering if you're researching a paper or an article....but good questions nonetheless.

no, I'm not. I'm just the kind of person that likes to be as prepared as possible. I'm not concerned about he physical aspect of the surgery as much as I am the mental and emotional aspects. I hadn't thought about the estrogen factor though. Losing so much weight so quickly must leave a lot of excess estrogen in the system.

[deltadawn817 106]

Cleo some of the depression and other things that happen to some of us after surgery might also be hormonal as your hormones can go crazy. I have lost 50 lbs in 3 months and my hormones are all over the place. I cry at the drop of a hat at times.

[reallyrosy 161]

What was it about the attention that influenced you to gain your weight back? Was it the pressure from the men or the jealousy of the women? Is it different now since you were sleeved?

I received attention when I was younger. I think the difficult part about it for me was that people expected more of me or overestimated me and my abilities simply because of my appearance. However, now that I am overweight, people tend to underestimate me and my abilities. Life for me is definitely less complicated now that I am overweight simply because people don't expect anything from me.

Sigh ...its a passive/aggressive thing with me: a need to be hidden and a desire to be recognized. Can't explain more articulately than that. It was subtle, too, in that the weight crept back on even as I pleaded with myself "don't do that." And it wasn't so much the people at the gym who threw me off but people who got copies of it outside the environment who mentioned it to me or even showed it to me. I threw it out. Didn't want it in the house.

I'm working at the same gym now with a personal trnr 3x week. I do not trust myself even with the sleeve and a 90.2# loss in 6 months.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

It's really kind of hard to explain the frustration and depressed feeling you get when you are around other people eating. It takes a long time to be able to eat more than a few bites. You want to eat, but when you do, you feel stuffed after a few bites. It's very frustrating (the best word I can come up with) to think you're going to eat, and are prepared to eat, but then get so full so fast. These are the times we think "what have I done to myself?"

Now that I am past 3 years, I eat very normally. I try to remind people who are newly sleeved that it won't always be that way.

It's really good to work on our issues with complusive over eating and binging because it's very easy to regain after 3 years. chips Cookies, and pretty much all junk food goes down like there is no sleeve there.

[reallyrosy 161]

<stuff deleted>

It's really good to work on our issues with complusive over eating and binging because it's very easy to regain after 3 years. chips Cookies, and pretty much all junk food goes down like there is no sleeve there.

I haven't had a chip, cookie, piece of bread, Cereal or any simple carb in 6 months and cannot imagine having one. I have had blueberries and blackberries and consider that cheating. I can't eat more than 1/4 cup of them. I further have a very difficult time thinking that I ever will eat those simple carbs again and worry that I will miss the nutrients from fruits which have huge health benefits.

When I eat out, I can eat a lot. I do find myself not feeling "gotta go back for a refil" or like I have to compete with other diners. I don't find it frustrating but I do find myself twisting straws and paper napkins and having a cup of coffee v e r y s l o w l y while the others are still on a main dish. I think we need to come up with something clever to keep us amused and unobtrussive while others dine. Kind of like an etch a sketch but something socially acceptable and not objectionable like a cell phone game. Knitting????

[Sansa 39]

Sigh ...its a passive/aggressive thing with me: a need to be hidden and a desire to be recognized.

I think that a lot of us here can relate to that. Thank you for sharing with us. I tend to think that our society doesn’t appreciate character as much as it does appearances. Women, in particular, are judged almost solely on their appearances. Just to prove my point, next time that you are sitting around talking about another female, take notice of how the conversation almost always includes how the woman looks. People can be talking about a genius but if she is unattractrive or overweight then her value is often diminished in the conversation. Likewise, we can all sit around and talk about all of the celebrities that receive massive amounts of respect and money/value simply because they look attractive. People almost always judge a woman on her appearance regardless of her abilities. For example, Angelina Jolie is worshipped because of her appearance and is a standard of beauty that many aspire to meanwhile she is/was a heroin addict. Her lack of character and ability is almost completely disregarded in the light of her beauty. On the other hand, men are judged more on their abilities. Conversations about men rarely include their attractiveness or lack thereof but more about their strength, or sense of humor, or intelligence.

It's really kind of hard to explain the frustration and depressed feeling you get when you are around other people eating.

Society tends to bond over food. We Celebrate most everything using food: birthday cake, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving turkey, Christmas Cookies, Memorial Day and Fourth of July bbq, etc. I can see how not being able to share and partake of food together on those occasions may cause us not to feel as close to others as we used to. We share food in order to, subconsciously, nourish each other so then I suppose that we have to figure out how to nourish and care for each other without food...

I haven't had a chip, cookie, piece of bread, Cereal or any simple carb in 6 months and cannot imagine having one. I have had blueberries and blackberries and consider that cheating. I can't eat more than 1/4 cup of them. I further have a very difficult time thinking that I ever will eat those simple carbs again and worry that I will miss the nutrients from fruits which have huge health benefits.

When I eat out, I can eat a lot. I do find myself not feeling "gotta go back for a refil" or like I have to compete with other diners. I don't find it frustrating but I do find myself twisting straws and paper napkins and having a cup of coffee v e r y s l o w l y while the others are still on a main dish. I think we need to come up with something clever to keep us amused and unobtrussive while others dine. Kind of like an etch a sketch but something socially acceptable and not objectionable like a cell phone game. Knitting????

I’m looking forward to the day when a 1/4 cup of blueberries will satisfy me. Now that you mention it, I guess that sitting around watching others eat probably makes them feel uncomfortable too. We then have to figure out ways to make others feel comfortable about eating in front of us. That’s interesting because here I was thinking about my psychological issues but meanwhile the surgery causes us to also have to deal with other people’s eating issues too.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Society tends to bond over food. We Celebrate most everything using food: birthday cake, Halloween candy, Thanksgiving turkey, Christmas Cookies, Memorial Day and Fourth of July bbq, etc. I can see how not being able to share and partake of food together on those occasions may cause us not to feel as close to others as we used to. We share food in order to, subconsciously, nourish each other so then I suppose that we have to figure out how to nourish and care for each other without food..

The thing to remember though, is that it's only difficult in the beginning. After awhile, you can eat more, and you learn how to put a couple bites of this and that, to have a taste of all the foods at these social occations. In the beginning, when we can only eat a few bites, we try to do that, but after the first 2 bites, you're wondering what you're going to do with all the food on your plate.

[4ALongerLife 329]

I have to say, I think this is one of my most enjoyed threads. I really appreciate hearing what everyone thinks and feels around food and the impacts that it's made in our lives, even in the subtlities described by cleo in the post before last. I tihnk it's going to take a few of these threads and conversations for me to really "hit home" to what my food issues are because I AM going to break them and I AM going to be successful. Thanks for the contributions.

[reallyrosy 161]

"Her lack of character and ability is almost completely disregarded in the light of her beauty. On the other hand, men are judged more on their abilities. Conversations about men rarely include their attractiveness or lack thereof but more about their strength, or sense of humor, or intelligence. "

I dunno, Cleo, I'm an equal opportunity grunt. If a guy looks grungy or a gal does, I am quick to criticize either...but my friends don't usually talk @ people...we keep that to ourselves. I haven't participated or been invited to comment on a person's appearance except a cute baby or a person with a remarkable dog. I guess the undercurrent is running deep tho and others are thinking the same pejorative thoughts even tho they aren't brnging them to the surface. I agree that our actions towards another is mediated by looks first and character second. Probably why charles manson and other serial killers were successful: people think appearance reflects character.

And yet...how often am I surprised to find my initial assessment of someone overridden when learning of their character....not too often! So maybe something to be said FOR these seemingly shallow assessments.

[reallyrosy 161]

The thing to remember though, is that it's only difficult in the beginning. After awhile, you can eat more, and you learn how to put a couple bites of this and that, to have a taste of all the foods at these social occations. In the beginning, when we can only eat a few bites, we try to do that, but after the first 2 bites, you're wondering what you're going to do with all the food on your plate.

Oy...I dread being able to eat more...losing the restriction will make me scavenge again. Please, no!

[reallyrosy 161]

I have to say, I think this is one of my most enjoyed threads. I really appreciate hearing what everyone thinks and feels around food and the impacts that it's made in our lives, even in the subtlities described by cleo in the post before last. I tihnk it's going to take a few of these threads and conversations for me to really "hit home" to what my food issues are because I AM going to break them and I AM going to be successful. Thanks for the contributions.

Determination is a big part of th 'game'. Rootin' for ya

[aviiva 140]

There is a joke how men look in the mirror and even with a big stomach no hair they think brad pitt is looking back a woman who can be beautiful will say look at my fat butt or stomach

Sent from my SPH-D700 using VST

[reallyrosy 161]

There is a joke how men look in the mirror and even with a big stomach no hair they think brad pitt is looking back a woman who can be beautiful will say look at my fat butt or stomach

Sent from my SPH-D700 using VST

I'm still not convinced that I'm doing this to look better but it does bring an expression of surprise to my face when I look at how something fits in the store. I'm constantly surprised and admit to feeling pleased, as well. But then, I say "so what?" And move away from the thought. I still have the task of filling the emptiness . Being ok to look at isn't a great big deal in the scheme of things.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I'm still not convinced that I'm doing this to look better but it does bring an expression of surprise to my face when I look at how something fits in the store. I'm constantly surprised and admit to feeling pleased, as well. But then, I say "so what?" And move away from the thought. I still have the task of filling the emptiness . Being ok to look at isn't a great big deal in the scheme of things.

This is something that I find that's changed about me. I look in the mirror now and am thinking, "OMG, I love this picture!" I do want to look great and feel great about how I look. I am 56 years old and learning to love myself for who I am. Please stay with the thought of being pleased with ourselves. If we can't,then who can. This is learning to love ourselves and seeing things differently. I love how your open and willing to share on this site. Keep it up!