I am 8 months out or something like that and sometimes when I go to order food I order like my old self...Alot, but not as much as I used to eat. I all of sudden get paranoid about being able to eat all that food. I have this weird feeling...Why did I get all that food? What if I could eat it all and gain all the weight back. Then I start to eat...still having these feelings...Then after eating hardly anything restriction hits, and I am relieved. I think to myself...why do I get so scared...I know I can eat like I used to. These feelings are irrational. Having this restriction and then realizing that I have it again gives me an overwhelming sense of relief, but the pressure leading up to this repeated revelation is so strange. Anyone else? I believe it was my pattern and that pattern prior to surgery is hard to break, just as my body image will be hard to break. I still view myself as myself...Whether I was fat or thin...I still had just a somewhat ehhh kind of attitude towards myself. I am certain even if I got down to my goal size of 8 I would still not really feel that good about myself. I think in just writing this post at this very moment I realized that back in 2003 when I was so happy...I attributed my happiness to my weight loss, but in fact my weight loss had nothing to do with it. I am fitting in those pants from 2003 today. My happiness back then was because I was a rock star when it came to working out. I could run...I mean run. I flew like the wind and for once it just felt so good to accomplish something so physically demanding. I walked to work. I rode a bike to work. I jogged home. I was always working out. This is a stark comparison than what is going on with me today. I lost the weight without working out at all. My back still hurts, and while I do feel slightly better, I don't have hardly any of that spunk I used to have. What have I discovered about myself today!!! YIKES!!! I really gotta find something physical to do where I can excel and shine.

I'm only 25 days out from surgery, but I'm anticipating to get the same feelings with food in the future. At home, being able to measure everything really helps. But going out is another story. That's why we did this, we added this tool for a reason. It's a way of policing ourselves in a world that has gone wild with portion control and too many messages to EAT, EAT, EAT! When I watch TV now, it is jaw dropping how much CRAP is advertised. Junk food, fast food, pizza, after school Snacks for kids that are NOT healthy. Not to mention noticing the shear number of restaurants on every corner. Just shameful. My weakness is that I love flavors and textures. I love well made organic foods with exotic ingredients. I love when summer veggies are in season and berries abound! But I just hope I'll appreciate smaller amounts of those flavors in the future.

In 2003, I was like you. I was competing in relay triathlons and going out dancing every weekend. My life revolved around getting on the bike, running, hiking, kayaking, going to the gym. It feels like a dream sometimes that I was ever that way. But you can get it back! Just in the past three weeks I've become addicted to walking. I'm increasing my time every week and feeling so good all over. I'm sleeping better than before, and it feeds my brain to make smart choices all day. Pretty soon I'm breaking out the bike again, and planning a hiking/camping trip to Yosemite this June. My husband and I LOVE motorcycle racing and we plan to ride his bike there! I haven't been able to comfortably fit on the back in YEARS.

I highly recommend you find a way to get exercise back into your life. It is so addictive! And it does make you happy, gives you time to focus on yourself and remember why you started this journey last summer. Celebrate your new found body and take it out of a spin!

Exercise is a key ingredient to permanent weight loss. I struggle with getting it in. I am contemplating on buying a bike. Just haven't done it yet.

i would like to give you my story and make it as short as i can. So my biggest was 274lbs. On my own with 1200 cal and 6 days of killing my self at the gym i went down to 214lbs then i gained most of it back and then went on the HCG diet did great went from 245lbs to 185lbs in 4 months then lost my job and filled my time with junk food and got back up to 255lbs. All the while still going to the gym here and there. to add to all this my thyroid is not my friend. I have had trouble keeping my levels normal even on meds. So now since my surgery on Oct 31 11 i am down to 197lbs. Feel great and have a co worker that is much younger (11 years) that wanted me to train her so she could lose the lbs. So i took on that challange and have since had two other people join our group. I think that this is what gives me the motivation. Seeing her lose the lbs and inches each week makes me push my self to do better and work harder. Maybe if you could find a work out partner this would help give you the motivation needed, I know that we are always setting small goals at the gym such as a little more weight or just 5 more crunches or just 10 more min of cardio. Those little goals make all the dif. I wish you the best of luck and just know we are all here to listen and chime in when you ask.

I'm only 12 days post-op but I've actually had nightmares where I dreamed that I ate "regular" and then at the last minute remembered my sleeve and worried that my eating ruined it or busted it open

I think the irrational feelings just come from fear, fear of going back to how we used to be or the fear of sabotaging all of our hard work. I think those feelings will pass with time