I Am A Failure

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I hope you can hear that people are saying what they are saying out of caring. I implore you to get some help, you are risking your health. Weight loss is not the priority right now - it is getting that staple line healed. I am scared for you that you are putting your health at risk. I am also very empathetic to that whole "wake up everyday and promise yourself you will do better" - I have gone through that emotion in years past and it is not a good place to be.

I know it isn't easy, but I would like to offer you some comfort - it gets easier. What I mean by that is you don't have all these restrictions later. I love that I can eat anything as long as I keep my Proteins in and watch the carbs. I generally don't crave junky food, and this whole "how to eat" is just becoming less of a production. I don't eat fast food, but I am in a mindset rightnow that just wants good nutrition for my body. I started this journey at 300+ so it is not like I have a long history of being a healthfood nut, it is more like that now that I am not starving all the time, I find it much easier to control my choices.

I read somewhere that people who eat healthier don't really have more willpower but rather set themselves up for success. for example, they don't have to fight the mental struggle over "should I eat that ice cream" because they just never buy the ice cream. They don't walk down the aisle with the ice cream. It seems really true, that the further away the "temptation" the easier it is to resist.

When you go back to work, focus on Water and having your Protein drinks and other things appropriate for your "stage" really handy. Make it easy for yourself to be successful. Focus on those things, rather then focusing on what you CAN'T have. Hang in there and keep us posted - I am rooting for you to get through this!

[lovePINK 31]

I want to thank everyone that has replied to my thread. I really think I needed to hear these things and it has given me the biggest wake up call. Today I did REALLY well, even though I'm on mushies I pretty much stuck to Clear Liquids and gave my sleeve a rest. Im glad that I was able to post here and get all of these responses because they have truely made a difference. I actually cried reading a lot of these because u guys are 100% correct and I can't believe how much damage I could've done to myself. I'm grateful for this website for opening my eyes and helping me take the first steps to getting back on track. Thanks everyone.

[longer-life 139]

I want to thank everyone that has replied to my thread. I really think I needed to hear these things and it has given me the biggest wake up call. Today I did REALLY well, even though I'm on mushies I pretty much stuck to clear liquids and gave my sleeve a rest. Im glad that I was able to post here and get all of these responses because they have truely made a difference. I actually cried reading a lot of these because u guys are 100% correct and I can't believe how much damage I could've done to myself. I'm grateful for this website for opening my eyes and helping me take the first steps to getting back on track. Thanks everyone.

Soooooo glad to read this. A big hug to you!!!!

[Amanda 3.0 140]

I want to thank everyone that has replied to my thread. I really think I needed to hear these things and it has given me the biggest wake up call. Today I did REALLY well, even though I'm on mushies I pretty much stuck to clear liquids and gave my sleeve a rest. Im glad that I was able to post here and get all of these responses because they have truely made a difference. I actually cried reading a lot of these because u guys are 100% correct and I can't believe how much damage I could've done to myself. I'm grateful for this website for opening my eyes and helping me take the first steps to getting back on track. Thanks everyone.

I think you are to be commended for reading the replies and realizing that they are offered with compassion and caring.

As another poster suggested, find a counselor or therapist who treats WLS patients. I have tried several who claimed to have a clue during phone conversations prior to establishing a relationship, but upon investing my time with them, they had no clue how to deal with compulsive overeaters/food addicts. ONLY after starting my six month pre-op process and being deferred for counseling by the psychiatrist did I find a counselor who knew anything about compulsive overeating. What a waste of time and money until I was referred to this woman, and this waste of my time is how I also developed a suspicion of counseling!

That is why I think you should discuss it with your surgeon. You won't be the first patient she has dealt with regarding this, and you won't be the last. You'll get the help you need.

Good luck to you!

[Becca 108]

I wish you the best with getting back on track. food addiction is real and this journey is hard work. Just know we are here to support you.

[peacequeen 434]

My first thought is why would you write this here? So your cheating and trying to reverse everything that you have accomplished so far? I think you need to see a counselor. I mean, what do you want anyone from this forum to say to you, that you haven't already heard or know.

There is nothing to say other than you need to see a professional about your problem.

maybe just a little support..maybe????? gosh that's harsh!

[peacequeen 434]

I'm really glad you posted here. I know you cheated and were making bad choices but if you hadn't posted, you wouldn't have rec'd all the replies of support and knowledge. You knew that you were harming yourself and you need to seek help. Even if you knew all of that already, you deserve to be heard and get support just the same as "the perfect sleever". I wish you the very best and so happy to hear you had a good day!

[300PoundsDown 101]

Hey there!! I hope you're doing ok and I just wanted to tell you that I completely and totally understand the compulsion to eat. I really do. I also want you to know that there is a lot of hope out there for you so don't despair. Something that is really important to be aware of is that it takes a little bit of time for the hunger hormone to get out of your system. I know many people have lost the majority of their hunger a month or so after surgery b/c that part of the stomach that produces it was removed. I vividly remember still being very hungry in the first few weeks and this was shocking to me. It scared me. I immediately became panicked feeling as if this isn't going to work. That I'm the one person it will fail. So let me tell you that you're not alone feeling like that. However, you must realize that it takes time for your body to adjust. I was told by several people on this board that the hunger hormone would go out of my body over time and it did. It really and truly did. I know we all have slightly different experiences but for me personally it took some time but it did leave my system. Once this happens you will find it much easier.

Secondly, it is hard to go 100 miles an hour to a sudden stop . By that I mean, you're overeating one day and the next day you're suddenly without 80% of your stomach and on liquids. That is a drastic overnight switcheroo!! It's almost impossible to stop and do a u turn that quickly and yet that is what we're all trying to do here. To struggle with it behaviorally and in your head is totally normal. Again, you're NOT alone in this . You're NOT a failure. You are struggling with what all of us struggle with.

I would advise you to stick with the plan the doctor gave you as much as you possibly can in your own strength but do this knowing that the hunger hormone will most likely be leaving your system a little every single day. And remember that it takes like 30 days to form new habits. So every day that goes by will get better.

I have to advise like the others to heed the warning of not overdoing it and causing a leak. I don't want to scare you though. I just want you to be aware. But most of all you must know that you're NOT a failure! You can do this . You really can.

[LoserMama 37]

I just wanted to say "hugs" and I am glad you reached out. you know what you need to do, but knowing and beign able to do are not the same thing. I deal with food addiction too, and its NOT EASY. Everything has already been said, but get yourself that counselor right away, someone familiar with WLS. Also, I know I have mentioned this book on here before, but pick up Beck Diet Solution -- its a step by step approach for learning the new skills we need to change our behaviors. Work through it day by day.

OA would also be a good choice in addition to a counselor.

[royboy 40]

maybe just a little support..maybe????? gosh that's harsh!

You bet thats harsh. So is eating solid food a week or so out from surgery. Anyone that has this surgery did their homework and knows what can happen to them, sepsis, and death!!! Now thats harsh! So if you know you can kill yourself with this behavior and then post it? You better be prepared for a harsh comment! Don't expect sympathy from me for suicidal tendencies, you need professional help, period, end of story!

[peacequeen 434]

You bet thats harsh. So is eating solid food a week or so out from surgery. Anyone that has this surgery did their homework and knows what can happen to them, sepsis, and death!!! Now thats harsh! So if you know you can kill yourself with this behavior and then post it? You better be prepared for a harsh comment! Don't expect sympathy from me for suicidal tendencies, you need professional help, period, end of story!

So she deserves no positive support at all then, is that what you're saying?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

So she deserves no positive support at all then, is that what you're saying?

She got a wide range of support, I believe it was ALL support, just different styles. Sometimes when a child is heading to touch the hot stove , a loving mom might YELL at the top of her lungs to intervene. Some children will only hear that style when in danger. Not my style, but remarkably, I think this site is pretty much supportive almost all of the time.

...And I don't want to imply anyone is a child here...or a yelling mother... just a communication style example...

[Rainydayz 27]

LovePINK: Please continue to let us know how you're doing and what kind of help you're getting. It may help others in your situation who are not as brave as you and won't post their mistakes.

We can read all the information in the world but it really sinks in better when it is addressed straight at us right? You did the right thing by reaching out and you got some real straight answers. Good for you for taking them to heart!

[peacequeen 434]

I didn't direct this to any of those who were giving good, sound advice and such. I was directing it at the statement:

"My first thought is why would you write this here? So your cheating and trying to reverse everything that you have accomplished so far? I think you need to see a counselor. I mean, what do you want anyone from this forum to say to you, that you haven't already heard or know.

There is nothing to say other than you need to see a professional about your problem."

There's no denying that she was making bad choices and needs help (which appears she is getting as she stated in a later post) I just felt the above statement was harsh,,we can agree to disagree,,I respect the the poster but not the part of the message where he is asking her why she would post here and what does she want anyone to say to her...even if she already knows the answers,,she deserves the right to post as well as the rest of us. It appeared to me she was looking for answers not just a sounding board that she was cheating.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I commend the OP to have the courage to share how much she is struggling. While a forum can't really help people with series issues, it is a place to share feelings, to share the journey - for that person's benefits but also for readers. This journey is very individual and I would like to think the pre-ops get to see the good... and the not so good.

I worried about this pre-op, like i might not be able to adapt to eating less. So far, i am finding it **relatively** easy to follow the rules (maybe not perfectly, but pretty good), but I am very aware that food and beverage have a powerful role in out culture, in our lives, and how well I cope with it over the long run remains to be seen. I am expecting this to be a lifetime issue, the surgery is a tool to help, but the basic underlying situation isn't really changed by having part of your stomach removed - if your eating is primarily emotional. I am suspecting that in my case, my overeating was very much a physical drive, because so far, I am fine not eating so much because i am just not so hungry all the time. Like I said, time will tell.