My name is Susan. I feel very vulnerable, very overwhelmed, and for the first time in a long time...a glimmer of hope.

I'm 43 and that is my age, not my BMI *snort It's sort of like being a teen and having 20 lbs to lose and you think you are "so fat". Yeah, I wish I was only that fat. I'm 43 years old and my BMI is a shocking 59. I cried when I saw that number. No wonder my knees hurt so stinkin' bad!

OK...no more excuses. I think that is going to be a slogan for me. I'm TIRED of fighting this battle with a plastic gun! As I've read your stories and your updates, your "serious complaints" , looked at your photo whoring (wtheck?), cried and identified with your dreams...I realized I have wasted so much time. I'm ready. In 2 days', I went from "surgery is an admission of failure" mentality to, "dang...why fight this fight with a Water pistol when I can have a bazooka?" Wow...I don't even own a gun...but you get me, right?

I mean, it's not like I was ignorant of what WLS was, howbeit the Sleeve was a new discovery for me. I went to a seminar at a local hospital 3 weeks ago; fully intent on learning about the LAP band--which I was NOT thrilled about--but when it's life and death, and at 59BMI, it definately not only feels like life or death...I'm here to testify that I only live today because of the Grace of Almighty God.

I heard about this "new" procedure that has become so sought after -- the VSG. Hmmm.

One thing led to another and I found this forum. You all should know; you sealed the deal for me. Thank you. I can't name you all by name but I've literally read hundreds, if not a thousand of your posts and now, POOH my feet are wet!

I've been in contact with Trish at Dr. Kelly's office. I am awaiting a consult with him. I know that I have historically had a low Iron count (okay okay...it's redonculously low...last year, a 7). So, right now that is my first hurdle. New labs...the magic number is 10. If I'm above 10, I can proceed to step 2. If not, I need to have an iron infusion or something...and at this moment don't know if I would have to wait 90 days for an updated lab (takes 90 day's to build a new cell). You'd THINK that I would have been taking my iron pills like a good girl...but bugger if they aren't inconvenient when you can take them within an hour of dairy, coffee, BP meds, Vitamins, breathing (HA!) and that more complicated when they want you to take 3x 325 mg daily but not together, spread out over 8 hours. Ok, yeah...sure, no problem.

Anyway, there you have it. That's my "start" or actually a snap shot of where I'm at. Of course, I'm more than the sum of all my mistakes, of all the problems I cause...sorry, lines from one of my favorite current tunes... I just mean that the weight is just a manifestation of other issues; abuse, rejection, self loathing.... It goes on and so with that, I should say that I also took the HUGE step of admitting I need counseling and have my first appointment with a bonafide professional today.

I want to give a shout out to Jesus who has loved me through it all...who is not repulsed by this mess that I am. Also to my amazing husband of 19 years and my two outstanding son's. They have walked this with me and I know that God is going to bless them with the wife and mother that they deserve!

Thanks for listening and for welcoming me into the community.

Susan

Hi Susan,

Welcome, wow girl, it definitely sounds like you are ready! It is amazing how our weight can totally affect everything in our lives. We have all been there, done that. You will be so pleased with your choice, I am sure of that. I know it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Please keep us posted on your progress and how things are going. We are excited to make this journey with you!

Welcome to the forums. As you have discovered, this is a great place to get support. Feel free to ask any questions. Congratulations on making the decision!

Hi Susan. Welcome aboard! Congratulations on your decision to have a healthier lifestyle. YOU deserve it and so does your family. This board has a wealth of knowledge and wonderful people who are here to assist you. We are here to support you.

Just stopping in to say "Hi!"...love your post!

Hi Susan!! Very heartfelt post AND your story is much of what everyone else here has felt OR is still feeling. I'm to be sleeved in mid-November and the fear of doing the right thing (i.e~ surgery) continues to worry me. Several times a week I peek into the photo gallery and think of my pics which will soon post. This is going to be a tough journey for us but, we CAN do it!

Hi,

I get everything your saying....my surgery is July 21st! I have swayed at times because I would love to lick this one on my own with God's help but then I finally told myself.....if I'm going to do this just once....I want to buy the most expensive tool to fix my "engine".....not one from K-mart! So onward and upward...yea for us! Tracy w.

Congrats on taking the plunge and making your big decision. How exciting!! We are all here to help each other.

Thanks ladies. YES. Onward and upward. Just the conception of a plan has made a difference! Thanks again for the words of encouragement. I'll see you on the boards!!

Muah!