I have been trying to keep my carb count low and realised, I'm pretty much avoiding carbs and trying to eat mainly protein, dairy or fruit but not things like toast, pasta, rice or potatoes.

Well today I had NO energy and felt dead and thought, I will have my toast and put a tiny spread of jam on it, since I haven't been eating any bread at all. Well I had half my toast and was CONSUMED with guilt. now this can't be normal because, logically it was a healthy brown bread piece of toast with minimal spread on it. But for some reason, I can't help feel like I've somehow failed myself or let myself down. It's like I'm expecting myself only to eat fruit, protein, etc and any little sweet or tasty food and I feel bad.

I'm aware how stupid this sounds and I wouldn't tell anyone else to feel bad if they ate this but it's a very strange emotional response that's entirely personal to me.

I'm stupidly obsessed and in fear. I'm seeing an eating disorder specialist at the end of this week and will discuss these fears.

It's worrying me and I think it's because I'm trying to be 'perfect.' I'm setting the goal post high and trying to count everything immaculately and it's sending me into a bit of a frenzy.

I've been crying all day today and feeling so low and I'm terrified I will somehow not be able to keep this up and will go back to eating chocolates and sweets. I'm terrified of returning to my old ways. But this fear is consuming me.

I don't think it's a bad thing. Did you see my post of the shit I ate on Monday??? Prob not, all carbs all day. Not too happy at the end of the day. The worst part was I didn't even enjoy them. So, back in the saddle the next day. I'm a carb junkie, but I'm going to beat it. I've discovered that carbs make me feel bad, like a downer, and I don't want that any longer. I feel much better not eating them. Will I never eat them again? no. Will I let it out of control again? Possibly. Go easy on yourself, I think your choice was not bad. They told me to eat whole grain bread...you did. That is awesome. I don't think that bit of jam will hurt. Just recognize what you did, acknowledge it and learn from it.

Faith ... don't do this to yourself. I know I can say that easily, but the doing is much harder.

This is not a typical diet like we've done in the past ... it's not all or nothing. There are no "bad" foods. There are better choices and poorer choices. However, you did not have this surgery to never eat certain foods again. Use this time to learn a healthy relationship with food. Occaisional "treats" are ok. A peice of toast with a bit of jam isn't going to blow anything. In fact, it was a good choice if you were feeling low energy.

Some people find that they have to severely limit carbs during the losing phase to be successful. Many of us didn't. I ate much higher carb counts than others & lost all my weight (plus some)! Yes, I had a few stalls ... I complained on here ... I cried on here ... but I made it to my ultimate goal!!!!!

You need to find what works for you. Losing fast & being a slug without energy doesn't sound like a good alternative to me.

I think talking to a counselor is a great idea. But, in the meantime, don't beat yourself for these small things. At least you didn't eat 1/2 the loaf like you may have pre-surgery.

Keep your chin up! We're here for you.

As long as you stayed within your calories, it probably doesn't matter at all. Wihout trying to push my own blog, I just wrote this a couple of days ago which is along the same lines: http://bananatummy.com/2011/02/does-it-really-matter-what-i-eat/

I have just found for myself that it pretty much doesn't matter too much what I eat as long as I stay within my calorie range and have enough Protein. Admitted, I don't eat real junk, but I do feel like a nice slice of crusty white bread from the Euro bakery with some nice capicola and it really doesn't hurt me.

Don't worry, part of getting the surgery is that you need to worry less about these things and that you need to obsess less about what you ate, when, and why.

What's your calorie goal? Stay within with a good mix of protein, carbs and fat and you'll be just fine.

PS: Just because a bread is brown doesn't mean anything. Just because it says "whole wheat" doesn't mean anything either. If you want to make sure it is healthier, it should say whole grain and it should have somewhere around 2-3g of Fiber (depending on portion size).