I have been wondering for awhile if my marriage would last thru everything. At first my hubby was on board, then off, then on... 2 days before surgery he tells me that he didn't know if he was going to be able to take me to the hospital the day of my surgery. I said that I would take myself. He figured things out and decided to drive me. I spent the next 2 days in the hospital by myself (except for friends) which I was fine with. I did what I needed to do that way( sleep, drink whatever)

He picked me up the yesterday. It took a while to process my discharge. He spent the entire time texting someone or talking on his phone. When his family called he put on the darling husband show for them. We stopped to get my meds and I had to go in to get a few things. I turned around and he was gone. I tried calling his cell phone. No answer. He called be back after a while, he was looking around and was on the other line.

Finally get home, he starts handing me stuff to carry up the 2 flights of stairs (split level). Really!? He doesn't want to get the rest of my stuff out of the car. He did when I ashen my daughter to get it. He went back to work. My mom took my girls to dinner and I showered and went to bed.

Today he gets up and does not say a word to me. Right before he leaves to go to work he starts yelling at me because the cats were in the room with me. They have been like guard dogs since I got home. They are allowed in our room except when we are not home we make them leave our room. Anyway, not once did he ask how I was feeling, if I needed anything, hell ask me about the weather. I know I have inconvenienced him by doing this or at least that is what he has told me. He is overweight himself. He doesn't want the surgery which is his decision. I know he is insecure about me losing weight. He also still thinks that I could have done it on my own. Really, he has seen me try and fail over the years.

Sorry for the whining and rambling.

I am kinda done....

Ohhh I'd like to smack him for you right now! Why are some men such jerks?!

This is defintely a sensitve subject right now, my best friend had her tubes reversed yesterday (not to get pregnant but because of pain issues with the tubal). I was supposed to watch her kids while her husband went with her to the hospital. Instead he chose to dumb her off at the hospita and to keep the kids and take them to school so he could sit at home and do nothing! Then the hospital calls ME to give ME an update on her surgery since her husband wasnt answering the phone. I called him to update him and it took everything I had to not rip his head off. Then once my hubs got home he watched our kids plus the kids I was babysitting so I could be there when she woke up. That idiot didnt even try to check up on her. He said he would be there once she got to her room, then changed his mind, made her cry over and over, then finally came to see her. She came home today and he basically ignored her the whole time, hasnt given her food or anything, expects her to fend for herself. JERK JERK JERK! So I think I could take some fustration out on your husband right now if you would like bwhahahaha

Holy crap, what a dick. Totally unexcusable!

Kick his ass out, that's a quick way to get rid of some dead weight just lying around. JK (maybe) Seriously I'd have a big sit down talking to him. No way would this fly at my house.

Lisabug I AM SO SORRY you are dealing with this when you are trying to heal! I've been married since I was 18...I'm 46 now. It HAS NOT BEEN an easy road to say the least BUT you have to talk to him. REMEMBER most men are like LITTLE BABIES and have to be reassured that you LOVE them. Don't ask me WHY and they say women are hard to read. LOL

All I know is when I went on a CHURCH retreat my husband FREAKED!!! He LIKES to play the OH I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU TYPE...my daughters tell me differently when I'm out of town...LOL Anyway, when I came back from retreat he ignored me...came to church but STOOD in the back and LEFT ASAP..didn't show up at the lunch afterwards even. My two daughters went looking for him but COULDN'T find him. When I finally came home after lunch he drove in....I said HEY I've missed you! He said are you DIFFERENT...I said NOPE I'm the same person just found an inner peace I didn't know I needed. He left again! FINALLY at 8 that night we were sitting outside and my youngest daughter said DAD WHAT IS WRONG with you....YOU are acting like a CHILD!! He said, well someone told me that Mom was going to came back a CHANGED women and would LEAVE ME!!! I was like OH MY GOSH WHO in the WORLD would tell you something like that? I told him I LOVE him more now then before I left!

I'm telling you this story because it sounds like you husband is acting like an ass because he is SCARED you are going to CHANGE and LEAVE him. Men can be SO DUMB!!!! When I told my husband I was having this surgery he told me I was a FAILURE AT LIFE! Yep, that is what he told me! Since then we have talked A LOT and I've told him I NEED him and he HAS to HELP me. My daughter told me he is INSECURE AGAIN!!!! SCARED I'm going to LEAVE HIM because someone told him MOST WOMEN LEAVE their husbands after they LOSE WEIGHT. I tell you MEN TALK MORE CRAP TO EACH OTHER!!! LOL

I'm sorry this is so long but my advise to you is TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND! Tell him that you LOVE HIM. I HOPE this HELPS! PLEASE, PLEASE takecare of YOURSELF!

WOW. Wow. Well.... any questions you might have, I think you've answered yourself in the title of this thread. That stinks, I can't imagine being that a situation like that.

Lisabug;

Sorry to hear that your husband is being insensitive and selfish. But I am also sorry to see that you are already wondering if you marriage will survive this. Did you have trust issues before surgery which is why you checked his cell phone history (assume you can see # of who he called) and also checked debit card? If yes or no, your first priority is your health. Drink and rest, do not expend energy on things which are unable to correct with one discussion. I worry that if you confront him tomorrow and he is raw, he might react inappropriately. You need to rest and heal. If you need help, call a friend or family member. It is okay for the house to be messy, take care of yourself first.

I see your husband as a little boy right now - scared witless and alone turning to food. He lost his eating partner, a common interest you both enjoyed. Now he is out alone eating himself silly. He is out on the town with his other lover...FOOD. Do you believe he needs to be assured that you will not leave him and you are not losing weight to get attention physically from other men but to be healthy? Again, if you already have trust issues this could be a key point. I do not recommend kicking him out - you have other things to deal with right now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Yeah to Sleeve 4 me advice.

Hugs - ocgal

Some behaviors are just unacceptable no matter what the reason is, right? I think he is over the top not being supportive while attempting to look to someone that he is being supportive.

I am sorry you are going through all this right now. My suggestion to you is to read or re-read Boundaries and to surround yourself with tv shows/radio shows/books, etc. of men that have good family values just to remind you how good men treat their wives. Don't let your 'normal' gauge change.. Men who value their wives just do not act this way, right?

You may not be strong enough today to deal with this, but just do whatever you can to remind yourself you are worthy of better than this type of treatment. Long term tolerating it would be just difficult for me.

Of course, he may have a side in this so I shouldn't rush to judgement. But it kind of sounds in the way you write that this isn't the first problem. The lying is incredible in itself. Speaks volumes.

Dear Isabug: Congratulations on being strong and getting through this surgery on your own, without ANY support. Always remember, you did it for YOU, not for him.

If it makes you feel any better, we are in similar situations. My husband also threw a fit and refused to take me to, or pick me up from, or visit me during my surgeries. I had to HIRE a woman to do it, and it cost me $360!!

Now that I'm home, he won't eat with me in the room, even though I told him that I have ZERO appetite, and am not envying him his steaks and salads.... he says it makes him feel guilty to eat in front of me, so I now have to wait until he has eaten dinner and then go in and make my little mushie plate.

I am just concentrating on getting through this three weeks, and getting recovered, and then I will figure out what comes next. But I have not doubt that there are some big changes in this relationship in the air.

One post in this thread that interested me was one that said something like "figure out whether he was always like this and you didn't notice it, or did his behavior change.."

In my case, I think hew as always an A**hole, but I ignored it because I felt so lucky to have a husband, being that I WAS a fat girl and lucky to get one.

Now, I may feel differently about his behavior and I hope you do too.

Thank GOD for this forum!! The ladies and guys in here are so wonderful and their support is just like a family. You are surrounded by love... just take care of yourself and know that you have done the best thing ever for yourself!

Good luck to you.

Cinderella

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with an insensitive husband. I was in a relationship like that for 15 years until I came to my senses and now am married to a wonderful man who is always there for me and ALWAYS make sure that he takes care of me. What a difference! I am so glad that I didn't spend the rest of my life tolerating bad behavior from my former husband. My life is wonderful now.

I agree with the others that you should focus only on YOU right now. If he doesn't come around, then show him the door. Sounds like he has some major growing up to do,. I don't know about you, but I needed to be someone's partner, not their mother.

Take care of yourself!