I think this thread goes on this forum, not wher I posted before...

Hi all! Tomorrow marks my fourth month post surgery. What has this journey been like? Well...

1. No leakage or any other serious complication- thank God!

2. I never expected the post surgery experience I had. Anxiety and depression, like I've never witnessed in myself or anyone else. kicked in about two weeks post. Uncontrollable, snowballing, unexplainable, irrational fear, sadness, and regret. I went on tranquilizers, developed a mild dependecy on the benzo, had to follow a tapering process, but all ended well. This experience is unforgettable to me and my family! Everyone entering this surgery process should be aware that this is a possible reaction to surgery. I'm not sure if only to this type of surgery, or all. The more the time passes, the more I see posts that relate to my experience. So far I've contacted six people with less, exact, or worse anxiety and depression after the sleeve. Be aware of this possibility. Know that it can debiliate you, thus you need a safety net. However, also be aware that it passes. Thank God, all that is in the past. But the experience I don't think I will ever forget.

3. Because of #2, an improved appreciation for God, life and for all my loved ones.

4. Weight loss: forty pounds down- yay!

5. Besides #2, the most impacting part of this experience is accepting the fact that the surgery did not rid my addiction to food, nor my unhealthy eating habits. I completed a mandated five month program before surgery. The instructor endlessly stressed to start working on our eating patterns and habits before surgery, to ease the transition and have more success with the procedure. As much as this was emphasized, I didn't do it. It was also emphasized that the surgery didn't cure our addiction and relationships to food, this too I ignored. To me, surgery would cure my addiction to food, would for ever change my eating patterns, and never again would I experience the vicious cycle of binging, guilt, shame, weight gain, etc. etc. etc. In my mind I figured I'd be forced to change because my body wouldn't tolerate overeating. I ached for a change, and surgery would force the change on me....problem solved! I awaited surgery with glee and faith. Well, the story goes otherwise.

I have changed some of my eating patterns and you will find plenty healthy veggies and fruits, plus lean meats in my fridge. I joined the gym for the first time in my life, and through therapy am trying to sort out my relationship with food.

However, surgery hasn't forced a change on me. You know those stories of having to induce vomit (or it naturally occuring) due to overeating? NEVER happens to me, NEVER! I cannot eat as much as before, but defenitley more than I expected. I can eat a full cup of spaghetti with cheese and sour cream in one sitting. I'll finish it, feel full, and stop eating. But thirty minutes later my pouch has made room, and I can take some more in. This especially happens when I eat out and we usually sit around chatting for a while. Time passes and I'll start nibling at my food again. I can eat about half a cup more--without being hungry. Why do I do it? I'm working on understanding it.

Those stories of no longer tolerating fatty, sugary, lactose, or other foods- not I. I can eat EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.

Dumping syndrome? I don't even know what that is.

Having to chew food to mushy consistency- not I. I chew, but never to the consistency I thought I'd have to.

Taste buds change post surgery- not mine. Not one of the billions of taste buds have changed- at all!

Bottom line, this surgery didn't force any change on me. I have gone up and down in weight, and can't seem to break the 40 pounds mark. It's been this way for the past five weeks. I still experience the disappointment in myself over food choices and behavior. The shame and guilt sneak up, and soon I'm angry and feel defeated. All the emotions, habits, and challenges I faced with food and weight pre surgery I face now too. I thought I'd be facing these issues two years after surgery when my pouch has relaxed and expanded a bit, and many regain the weight. I thought that by that time my life would be extraordinarily wonderful- that I'd never regain the weight and give up my success and joy. Well, it's only been four months and I'm facing reality already. Everyone considering surgery needs to know this. I think those who've had success with the sleeve have had it because they've made changes that have yielded the success. The sleeve itself will not yield it. Maybe everyone already knows this, but I have been known to be a late bloomer.

Do I regret having had surgery? Honestly, there is nothing to regret. I had (and pray that it continues) zero complications, I still enjoy food, have a very active social life, have gone down a size in clothes, and experience no pain, vomit, nausea, or anything of the sort. I feel blessed that my surgery has gone so smooth, pain free, and complication free. I pray that it continues to do so. I prefer to deal with my current issues, than any physical complication.

There really is nothing to regret. On the contrary, I believe this surgery has a higher purpose in my life. It isn't yielding the weight success I imagined, but it is forcing me to look deep into myself and work with what is out of balance. I can't run away from it anymore. I refuse to have gone through this experience and continue on the road of addiction, caught in that endless dark cycle. This is the change my sleeve had brought to my life. My progress comes in baby steps, but I'll get there.

God bless you all!

Hi Jane

I am so glad to hear, that it is possibel for some to breake their bad eating habits.

INTO a MILLION PIECES.

Fantastic.

If I just could reduce half of my crappy intake of crappy carbs after my operation, I know I will never get overweight again. I have come a long way - but know, that I must be aware of my eating the rest of my lie. But it will be so much easier.

Thank you - inspirational!

Hugs from Copenhagen . 13 days!

Hi Filo, I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Not long to go now :bananahuge:

THANKS