Today I had my first visit with the health trainer to help me with my relationship with food (weight loss) etc..

It was a positive visit but it made me really angry with myself. Like why the hell am I like this. Why did I let myself become such a fat pig. That is really how I feel about myself. I hate myself today. It's not a good feeling and all I've been doing is crying.

I think the tip of the iceberg was to ask me how I envisioned myself at the end of all my weight loss. And I could really think to say was - I imagine myself alive.

I feel like I'm cutting my life short. I just want my life back as a normal person.

Today I had my first visit with the health trainer to help me with my relationship with food (weight loss) etc..

It was a positive visit but it made me really angry with myself. Like why the hell am I like this. Why did I let myself become such a fat pig. That is really how I feel about myself. I hate myself today. It's not a good feeling and all I've been doing is crying.

I think the tip of the iceberg was to ask me how I envisioned myself at the end of all my weight loss. And I could really think to say was - I imagine myself alive.

I feel like I'm cutting my life short. I just want my life back as a normal person.

Sometimes when we get a slap of reality into us it really hurts us. I'm so sorry you had this horrible day slap you today. . have you had your surgery yet? It's going to be ok. . why would you cut your life short? You have so much more to live for. . not for anyone but yourself. . you are a normal person sweetheart. . your not any different then anyone of us. . .your a warm living human and you deserve to get love, be respected and have friends. If you've not had the surgery yet, just be patient, it'll happen soon. . and then you'll be mad and upset over a whole new thing! The sleeve is an interesting journey but it's one that you will enjoy once you get used to it. . . be patient my dear and don't beat yourself up over something that has already happened. . .just flick it off, pull yourself together and carry on. . . i've been through some major major major depression caused by my weight and other issues, but after all the counseling and hospitalizations, i have come to learn 1 think and that is that only you can make you happy, and that only you can change how you feel. . you made a wonderful choice by going to the trainer and that shows you care about yourself and that is a step into a very positive right direction,. . .I'm very proud of yourself. . . please keep posting and talking. . .we are all here to help and support you . . . know that we care and all have been there done that! Good luck hon and keep going to the trainer! Your doing fabulous!

I think alot of us on this forum have probably had the same thoughts, and feelings you are having now. I know I have. I can see you are really trying, and have lost weight, your are going to the trainer to learn to deal with you feelings. That says alot right there. You should be proud of yourself that you are trying. It is hard, I know it is, but you are on this forum for a reason, no one made you join this forum you did it for yourself. Are you preop or postop? I'm learning to take this sleeve thing one day at a time. Just remember you are not alone, we are all here for you, and know how you are feeling. Please keep us posted as we are all concerned about you.

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your kind words. I haven't had the surgery. I'm just starting the process now. Today was just a really bad day I guess. I've been really frustrated. My scale hasn't moved - but I suppose one small victory is that I lost two inches off my waist.

I got my GP on Monday to discuss the surgery further.

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your kind words. I haven't had the surgery. I'm just starting the process now. Today was just a really bad day I guess. I've been really frustrated. My scale hasn't moved - but I suppose one small victory is that I lost two inches off my waist.

I got my GP on Monday to discuss the surgery further.

See there and the other victory, which is a big one if you ask me, is that you had a reality step. . .you will love your sleeve and like i said don't be so hard on yourself. . love yourself instead and soothe yourself with reflections. . you do love yourself, you went to the trainer and you lost 2 in off the waist:thumbup::thumbup:. . and you posted on the forum:thumbup::thumbup:. . . you care honey, you really do, you don't want to hurt yourself. . . good girl! :biggrin0: Your going to do so well you will be amazed! :wink1: keep on chatting with us and we'll get you through the good, the bad, and the ugly! Can you hear the Clint Eastwood music??? hehehe . . . chat soon again!

I don't recall any particular day, but I do remember having those feelings. I think a lot of us do, as we prepare for this journey. Like thinking, I'll just try one more time to diet, or I know I can beat this alone. Well, many of us can't do it alone. Food addiction is real and sometimes we can't do it on our own. Don't beat yourself up over this. Instead rejoice in the fact that you have found a way to finally deal with it, once and for all. Yes, there will be good days and bad days ahead, but, trust me when I say that the good will begin to out number the bad before you know it.

Sometimes we wander thru our lives with blinkers on, unable to see the reality.... you've had a day when its been shown to you.

Grasp it with both hands and remember how it has made you feel... that'll help keep you on track to sort this out once and for all. I LOVE my sleeve, having had weight issues all my life, portion control being a nightmare, compulsively eating, the works.... and now I have small portions when I can remember to eat, no hunger, and can see the new me emerging.

At the end of the day its not worth worrying about the past - you can't change that.... we'd all like to go back in time to ourselves before the weight piled on and talk to ourselves....

But you can change your future..... for the better, for a more healthy life, and what you're 'seeing' now will give you the strength to do it mentally.

Good luck - you'll be fine.... honestly.

I'm sorry about your rough day. I have been there. I still feel that way some days, even after losing a little weight. I think it's a normal part of the journey to becoming a new you. I think it's a good thing that you envision yourself alive, and not just in a literal sense of being alive. I think being lighter will make us feel alive in ways we haven't felt in years. I have been obese my whole adult life, and morbidly obese for most of it. I can't imagine what life will be when I'm not this way, but I imagine I will feel so ALIVE! Concentrate on where you're going, and try not to stay too down about where things are right now. You're doing a positive thing, and making changes. 2 inches off your waist is great! Celebrate that, and try to remember just how good it feels when you start to get down. Hugs!