Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Problems with death



Recommended Posts

Hi all, I don't know if any of this is appropriate but I am struggling with the whole death subject. My Mum died badly from cancer in '89, and my best friend died from cancer in '91 and another friend has has died badly. Basically I cannot see any rational reason to struggle on to the end apart from family/religious pressure. Our friend had requested a one way trip to Switzerland (Dignatas) but his wife said no. She is now having to deal with the reality of his death which was really bad, I cannot do the details but it was as bad as it gets. She feels like shit and did not expect what actually happened.

Basically I feel now after a small scare that there is no way I would go through that. I would take the what you would do for a suffering animal option. What do you all think, only based on actual experience of really seeing what happens please?

Jane x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been devastated by both sudden unexpected death, and long, drawn, out suffering death. In the latter case, I think it would have been more humane to let the person slip away in a cloud of morphine than to have to suffer terribly every day until the end. I'm talking about my grandmother, who was basically, though she could not speak, begging us to let her die--refusing to take food, pleading with her eyes, it was heartbreaking. If I could have ended her suffering, I would have, with no guilty conscience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Donna, I do sympathise with you. It's something we don't usually see as our modern societies are so sanitised. I don't think anyone should have an opinion about end of life issues until they have had to see the terrible struggle that often occurs. After all we are programmed to stay alive so often the life is literally ripped from us at the end.

I am sorry to be so morbid everyone, it's just the recent events brought back so many memories that I had buried and I figured that you all would be the kind of people who would understand. Just had to vent but am OK now.

Jane x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was a hospice respite volunteer for 5 years and have lost a brother to cancer. I can speak from experience. We believe the nurses gave my brother an overdose of morphine at the end. All the family was there and it was the right time to let him go.

You're not being morbid. Death is a part of life. But for many reasons, the western approach to death is one of prolonging life with any means possible.

It is my belief that it is healthier to discuss this than to try to pretend death doesn't exist. Thanks for posting so honestly. I respect you for that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i have been a nurse for 22 years working most of my career in the ICU..... i have seen hundreds of deaths. form the most horrific to peaceful. most of the horrific deaths had to do with the family insisting on having everything done and not letting their loved ones go. in modern medicine we have created many ways to poke and prod our patients to eek out a day....week... month. there are those rare occasions when you see someone come back from death's door to live a productive life. it is that hope that keep families and patients continue with all the medical interventions. most continue to fail and eventually die. it is a hard!!! so the most important thing we can do for ourselves is decide now how we want to face these life and death decisions. once a decision is made then appoint someone who will honor our decision when we are not able. sometimes a spouse is not able to do this. in the usa we have a legal document, medical POA, when this is filled out then the person you choose can honor your wishes. with all that said..... death is hard in any circumstance. sorry jane that you are dealing with old issues related to death. i do understand the lose of family and friends from cancer. i also lost my grandfather to cancer when i was a young child and as an adult lost my best friend to ovarian cancer. so i will be thinking about you today! kelly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Jane,

I haven't lost anyone to cancer although my Dad died two years ago from a nasty lung disease (not smoking related) and I believe that most doctors will put a patient out of their suffering as legally (broadly speaking) and without fuss as they can get away with. My best friend is a cancer nurse and whilst she hasn't divulged any details to me I am convinced that most patients in the last stages are put out of their misery in a perfectly humanely way. I am convinced that euthanasia is practised in this country but not broadcast. I would, however, opt to go to Dignitas in Switzerland if I was diagnosed with a terminal or debilitating disease and have made that quite clear to my husband. I'm also an atheist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi All,

Breezy and Kelly, I am so glad that people like you are in the world. I truly respect what you do, I am not strong enough to deal with these issues. As my grandmother used to say my bladder is too close to my eyeballs. I am really heartened by all your replies and bless you all, Godwise or Athiestwise. I am just setting up a cancer research donate page for our friend based on the one I did for my Dad last month. I hope this is the last one for a good long while.

Much love Jane x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jane,

my mom died of cancer 15 years ago. It was not pretty. Hospice workers were wonderful. My mom wanted to refuse the tube feedings and they agreed. This would have hastened her death. Unfortunately, my mentally ill (diagnosed) brother threatened to sue them so her life was prolonged in a pitiful fashion.

I don't think you are morbid. We all hope for a dignified death when our time comes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lisa, I sympathise with you, this must have been horrible for all.

Jane x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Tim in Tampa

      Just started my pre-op diet today!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • jenuinelygenuinely

      To working out faithfully for 5 days a week. Lets go back to that year with a more positive mind, 
       
      SKINNY SZN HERE WE COME!!!!
       
      It's Saturday!!! My fiance and I are out doing yard work and I made the mistake of not staying hydrated before going out so now my body is shaking and weak. I have my pre-op appointment Tuesday, the 2nd and I am trying my hardest to lose another 2 lbs by then. 

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • jenuinelygenuinely

      Hi guys!!!
      Here is my big boy Zuko and daddy. My Great Dane/Shepherd. He was our first pup that we rescued from the Humane Society. 

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • SimplySleevedCece

      Looking for new sleeve buddies! I’m 1.5 weeks post op and things seem to be getting a little difficult! I actually WANT food again eghh! Honestly, I feel like you don’t truly understand this process unless you go through it! Don’t be shy, say hello and let’s support each other during this journey 🙂
      · 1 reply
      1. jenuinelygenuinely

        You got this!! When I had the sleeve I cried every day during the liquid phase, It was during the super-bowl! I was sooo hungry I sucked on a piece of pork rind. LOL

    • jenuinelygenuinely

      A daily dose of my youngest fur boy Ozai
       
      My blue eyed Husky/Malamute

      · 2 replies
      1. SHORTY_

        Makes me wanna 'boop' it

      2. SimplySleevedCece

        😍 Aww look at his wittle teeef!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×