I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I'm going to.

I just wanted to share a little of my journey. I had my sleeve on 3/14, and have been overwieght the majority of my life. I am 41 years old, single (divorced 4 years ago), no kids.

I am discovering that the hardest part for me of this journey is facing the emotional/psychological issues that the food has been masking all these years. I am in therapy and I knew that this would come but I didn't realize how intense it would be.

For me the biggest issue is learning to love myself and accept myself. I have constantly, since I was a child, relied on other people for thier approval. I am my own worst enemy and I think it has played a huge role is my social (dating) world my entire life. I had a glimpse of how I want a guy to treat me recently and it made me think that I will never get that, etc, etc. I know it's feeling sorry for myself and i work everyday, hour, sometimes minute to break the lifetime of self hatred...just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this or has come thru on the other side.....

Yes, I struggle with the same issue. Also been overweight at some level most of my life ( I'm 40) and am and will be facing these same issues. I am always the hardest on myself and trying to learn to love myself and accept myself just the way I am this minute. It's a struggle but I think therapy really helps me. Please know you are not alone and I will be happy to share any tips I get along the way. Just pm me!

The grace of self-discovery opens new doors to new paths. Sounds like you have been given a gift of self-awareness. Congratulations!

A suggestion. Next time you get 'feeling sorry' do some self talk. Remind yourself that you are in the process of becoming all you want to be.

That 45 pounds is BIG proof! You're on the way!

Use whatever tools you need as you go along: support groups, therapy, blogs, a trip to the closet to see clothes that are way too big...whatever. Again, Congratulations.

Thank you for the encouraging words. The hardest part has been accepting that I may be single the rest of my life. I know how stupid and irrational it sounds...but to me happiness has always been being a couple...having someone love you (all the aspect of a relationship). I also know that I can't expect anyone to love or cherish me if I don't do it myself. Thank you for letting me get this out. It does help.

Seems to be a theme for those of us around 40 and obese. Lots of time spend self -loathing during every diet failure, every fat joke, every mocking look, etc to harm us mentally as much or more than we did physically.

We do need to realize our own value apart from others in order to get past these feelings--the funny thing is in doing that we become more attactive to others.

This happens to many of us--at 40 married 20 years with 2 kids and I still can feel all alone in this struggle.

Hi Sam

Thanks for your post - a brave one, but I think one which will make a lot of people think as well.

I went for hypnotherapy about a year ago now, and they found the root of my food issues were from bullying I suffered at school, and also went on to suffer throughout part of my adult life in jobs.

I think that helped me a lot, but I know the sleeve will bring it even more to the front, and I'll have to tackle it and finally sort it out once and for all.

I'd like to add that don't give up on finding love - I met my soul mate purely by chance through the internet, 7 years ago, at the age of 36. Now we're married and living a wonderful life.... but I never thought I would find him. Love can turn up in the strangest of places, when you least expect it, so I wish you luck in your future.

Kathy

Thank you soo much Kathy. Stories like yours give me hope...but I know in the end I have to love myself no matter what..single or a couple...and that is the biggest hurtle for me. It is comforting though to hear others struggles like mine...and to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel that isn't an oncoming train..LOL.

Sam - I spent 2 years single, taking time to get to know me - I'd spent most of my adult life relationship hopping... on a conveyor belt, none of them really 'right'.... that time was great - I did what I wanted, and got to know what I wanted, and what I expected out of my life, and also what I was looking for in a partner.

Then, i felt ready.... and this time it has worked.... like never before, so for me that time was invaluable.

Sadly I know only too well we only get one life... and its precious. No doubt we have all lost loved ones... but my motto is to live my life to the fullest, and to enjoy it... and the sleeve for me i think will be the icing on the cake - hard work getting it on, and working with it, but fab in the end.

Kathy

I *KNOW* you are not alone because I think MANY of us have the exact same problems. I am fortunate enough to have been seeing a therapist specifically for food issues for the past six months and that has really helped me to face a lot of things. Also the book Intuitive Eating really helped me with a lot of the emotional baggage and I would HIGHLY reccommend this book. Although it is about a way of eating, it has a lot of amazing stuff in it that allowed me to let go of some of the guilt. I read that in Jan 2008 and it changed my life and since then I truly came to love and accept myself even at 300lbs. Now I know when I loose weight with my sleeve, it won't be just the weight loss that will make me love myself, I already do and I can just truly enjoy what happens. I won't be waiting for a certain weight or certain clothing size to make me feel good about myself because I already do. I really hope this might help you, it helped me more than I can say. I even stopped biting my nails (a lifelong problem until that point) and my gum chewing addiction (sounds silly but it was fairly serious.) That book allowed me to somehow let go of those things and I haven't done them since, in about 2 1/2 years now.

Best of luck and all of us are here for you when you need to talk!

I just wanted to offer everybody a hug!

***hugs***

Also the book Intuitive Eating really helped me with a lot of the emotional baggage and I would HIGHLY reccommend this book.

Christie - can I ask which particular book you had? I've done a search and there are so many with more or less the same title.... I'd be interested to get hold of a copy.

Kathy

Christie - can I ask which particular book you had? I've done a search and there are so many with more or less the same title.... I'd be interested to get hold of a copy.

Kathy

Hi Kathy! Sure thing. The one I read is called "Intuitive Eating : A Revolutionary Program that Works" by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. I found this book so helpful I bought copies for my mom, best friend, and husband. It really helped me to change the way I look at things. Here is the link to where you can purchase it on Amazon. It's only $10.

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Revolutionary-Program-Works/dp/0312321236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273627469&sr=1-1]Intuitive Eating on Amazon[/ame]

Oh and also!! The authors have a website and some of the important aspects of the book are on there, if you want a preview of it to see if it resonates with you.

http://www.intuitiveeating.com/

The "10 Principles" is pretty much an outline and the whole book is based on that so give that a read, and there is a quiz you can take too.

Wow am I glad I came upon this thread. I so identify with everything expressed here. The masking of my feelings and years of using food to quiet my yearnings...having this surgery I've been unmasked and now must face myself and the issues sort of head on. I think I'll check out that book too.

Wow am I glad I came upon this thread. I so identify with everything expressed here. The masking of my feelings and years of using food to quiet my yearnings...having this surgery I've been unmasked and now must face myself and the issues sort of head on. I think I'll check out that book too.

YES! If we don't face these things it will be very hard to maintain success. I hope you will like the book it truly changed me. Hugs.

Hi TXSam! Your post rang a bell with me. It could have been me writing it. I have had a lot of experience with being single. I raised my 2 sons alone and felt the same despair that I would never meet someone that would be my "happily ever after". The way I coped with it was to fill my life with things that gave it meaning:

1) Get involved in something that helps others.

2) Have a hobby that used my talents

3) Take care of my body

I became a hospice volunteer for #1 (very rewarding), I painted pictures for #2, and for #3 I did a couple of things: I hiked in forests for exercise and started applying skin to myself in a self-loving way. The latter sounds wierd putting it down here, but I just got a good smelling lotion and before bed, I would apply it to my face, legs and arms while telling myself nurturing thoughts. I would imagine what I would say if I were my best friend, then tell myself the encouraging words.

AND, I kept my options to find at least a friend by joining a dating web site. Two years later, when I was 49 years old, my now-husband found me & asked me out. I am not 56 years old and we are happy beyond anything I would have ever imagine.

I don't know if this helps, but what you wrote resonated so strongly with me, I had to tell this part of my story.