Am I lucky that I'm able to trace when my addiction to food began and how my bizzare eating habits started? Does everyone know when being fat happened to them?

Looking back at an ugly childhood, I recall hiding with food because we weren't supposed to have any. That's where my current nighttime binge-eating habit began. I raised myself by hoarding whatever I could get my hands on then hiding in a safe corner, alone. Now I'm not alone, but it's hell trying to change the habit of eating a huge amount of food when I get home at night.

Another bizzare memory is that we weren't allowed any type of junk food except during my sick mother's PMS (I figured out the PMS part when I was older.) She had to have Rocky Road ice cream during PMS, but with 3 children that weren't allowed goodies any other time, it was like 3 vultures fighting over the container. Somewhere along the line we'd gather around the cutting board and she'd slice the carton in 4 pieces, cardboard and all. To me, 1/4 of the container was a normal child's serving. Now a whole pint is a small serving. I need a good 1 1/2 pints to satisfy an ice cream urge these days.

Thanks, Mom!

Wow this story is incredible... I truely believe that all overeating and eating habits stem from childhood (well either that or a traumatic event). I look at myself, and I think my weight and my eating habits are a huge beast holding me back from true happiness.

All i do is obsess over the "what ifs".. and its so frusterating to me. Just today I was telling myself "please eat like a normal person today".... please try to eat like mother (my mom has been at a buck thirty five her whole life)..

My earliest childhood memory.. my dad use to eat entire boxes of Cereal in a large popcorn bowl. He would pour himself a box, and smash it down so that it had the consistancy of sugar grains, He would then eat the mushy cereal -- all 13 servings.

He would pour the same amount for me. Every day after primaryschool was chicken mcnuggets value menu. His idea of an award was food.

I was never in an afterschool program, my parents both worked and I was latchkey from age 8 and up.

That meant T.V and cereal, and sweets and everything else. Before you know it I was diagnosed with PCOS at 12, and high insulin.. and 238 pounds. Miserable, depressed, full of self hatred.. and I just never was able to bring myself out of it

Today I am 250.

my family (me, mom and dad) always sat down to eat dinner when i was young. i was 5 when my parents started having problems in their marriage and they began eating dinner separately, so i would eat dinner with both of them to recreate the family bond. food=family, right?

I stumbled across this post this morning and sat down with a cp of coffee to read through it. I don't know why it surprised me to hear that many ways everyone's story is the same. Whether you were abused, neglected or had parents or grandparents who had the best intentions.....when you're 6 or 10 or 12 it all changes the kind of person you are. I like so many others hid food, cried with food, saved food under my bed for a rainy day, laughed with food...all of it. Food ultimately became my best friend. I didn't have to be perfect, or pretty, or popular for food to be my friend. It stayed with me when I was scared, it became my companion when my first love broke my heart. It helped stifle the anger when my husband was driving me crazy. Food never ever judged me and omg how freeing was that sometimes? Or so I thought. Ultimately though like everyone else, my relationship with food became a sort of bondage that I could never break free of no matter how hard I tried. I hope after the band I can be free from it....in my head I mean. I'm scared that I won't be able to get through the head stuff and that I'll turn to a new addiction. Geeez I'm emotional today...my TOM...lol...that explains it all. Thanks for the therapy session...who do I make the check out to?

It is interesting how much alike a lot of our stories are.

For a long time, I've been aware of two things that I think contributed to my weight. One, it was a BIG issue for my dad from the time I was about 10. He tried very hard to control what I ate, and while I know now he had the best of intentions, what it did was set up a power struggle. And since I alone could control what went in my mouth, I didn't lose any weight. Then my parents divorced and my life changed in a lot of ways. food was a constant and one thing I could indeed control. I would sneak food, hide it and eat it by myself. It was comforting. I would snack at the houses when I baby-sat. The sad thing for me is I look at pictures of myself from then and yeah I was chubby, but not as big as I felt at all.

The other thing was that I developed boobs young. By 5th grade I was in a C cup. I looked older then I was, and attracted male attention I wasn't emotionally ready to handle. Gaining weight took care of that. It made me invisible, and I took pride in being the smart one. The one who was serious and got good grades.

So, now I realize I'm a grown up. I can indeed choose to eat whatever I want, so maybe it's time to start making choices that are good for me. And while I'm happily married, getting a little male attention now and then would be nice.

This came up last night with a girlfriend of mine and in high school I always thought I was fat compared to the other girls. I weighed in my senior year at 130lbs (OMG! to be that now!) and to me that was fat because all the other girls weighed 110lbs!!! Silly right? At the time though high school was big deal and image was everything. But I still got the guys...no doubt in that! But as I got older and got married in 1993 and then pregnant...I gained a bunch of weight, 220ish, with my son and then I got divorced in 1995 and lost that weight and went down to about 145-150 and then I was doing really good until I married again and got pregnant AGAIN! And I gained a bunch with her and then I started going to the gym and dropped down to about 215 and then that stopped and I got aggrevated and went to Jenny Craig and got down to 200 (never broke the 100's) and then that came to a halt...I gained more and then finally had this done. I don't relate eating and food to anything bad in my childhood. I think with me it has to do with getting moving and motivated and putting down the food!!! Bad choices and loving the flavor too much and the enjoyment of a good pastry!!! Or too many fruit smoothies and cokes. So to narrow it down...my weight gain is fueled by being lazy and addicted to sweets!