I decided to get weightloss surgery after being over 250 lbs for 5 years with several failed diet attempts. I had hypertension, GERD, and fertility issues. I started off weighing 285. By the time I had surgery I was down to 268 lbs from my pre-surgery diet. Had my 4cc lapband done on 5/17/2006 in Omaha, NE. First fill 6/2006. .5 cc. Lost 30 lbs. by 6/2006. Got pregnant 7/2006. Yay fertility issue solved....faster than I had planned....but yay!! Had my son 3/2007. 228 lbs. postpartum. Had second fill done 6/2007. 1cc. Got pregnant AGAIN 11/2007. Um fertility issue solved...yay? Another baby? Really? Ok. Had to empty band this time due to complications.

Moved to Texas 2/2008. Had my daughter 9/2008. Postpartum weight 238 lbs. I didn't have insurance that would cover Lap Band in TX so I had to find a new doctor that wouldn't charge me a ton out of pocket. By then I weighed 291 lbs. Had 3rd fill of 1cc done 7/22/09 for $150. Btw the doctor tells me, "I would have never done LapBand on you. You come see me when you have better insurance and I'll do a revision gastric bypass on you." I should have walked out right then and there but got the fill anyway. Well 1cc was too much too fast and my stoma swelled shut. After a week, I couldn't even swallow my saliva without throwing up. I had an ER visit and fill removed a week later for another $150. I was down to 279 by then. 12 lbs in one week! Yikes! 9/2009 pregnant AGAIN! GDI!!!! Really!? Fertility issue can go to hell!! So can the breast feeding myth!! 6/2010 had another daughter. 270 lbs postpartum.

Ok so most of you will gasp when you hear the extremes I went to to have my band filled, but here goes....I worked in an ER as a secretary. A nurse did my fills for me. She was honestly better at doing them then the clinics were. We started slow. By 11/2011 I had filled to 1.75 cc. Great restriction, no problems. Now I'm down to 245 lbs. I moved back to NE where I started my journey.

My problems:

1. I don't follow a good diet. When you go through the preop screening you get educated, motivated, supported, to eat right. Its been so long....I don't know where to start again.

2. I was diagnosed with adult ADD. My meds make me never want to eat. I could go all day so I often go for junk just to get some calories in.

3. I just got tested 6/2013 for vitamin deficiencies and I'm vitamin D and Calcium deficient. No doubt as a result of my bad eating habits. I feel like crap. My hair is falling out again. Bad skin. Fatigued all the time. Irritated, moody.

4. I started smoking again. Ugh. I know I know!!! I'll smoke instead of eat. Bad bad bad!! But I'm being honest here.

5. My life has fallen apart. In the small span of time I went from being happily married, spouse working making good money, going to school, making good money, good insurance to....having a horrible marriage with a husband who is mentally ill and had a back injury (yes same guy as before. hitting 11yr anniversary July 26) he only makes disability, my son was diagnosed with autism, part time work, government assistance....

I have Medicaid. I go to school again full time. I only have 2 years left for my bachelors of nursing degree. I have a band that I abuse. How do I get back on track? Where do I even start with all the other things on my plate (no pun intended)? I'm a horrible example of a Lap Band patient. I feel like such a lowlife. I need help. What can I do on my own to get healthy? Besides the obvious, to quit smoking.... Thanks

I forgot to mention I was up to 304 lbs when the nurse started filling my band. So since 9/2010 I've lost 59 lbs.

I know it's been a while since you posted this so I hope you are in a better "place".

I think your first step needs to be to forgive yourself. I sense a lot of self-loathing and sadness. I think if you can find your happiness, you will value yourself more and know that you deserve to be happy too and it will be easier to take those steps forward.

I agree with Missy that eating on a regular basis is very important so you are not on a feeding frenzy at night. It will also keep your metabolism stable and keep you satiated. Please, please do not allow another nurse (not trained in lapband procedures) to do your fills. While they may know how to inject saline into someone, you are both risking your jobs and your health. They can also damage the port if not done properly. I am not trying to be harsh, I am just concerned for your well-being.

Since it has been a while since you were banded, do you remember and do you know the guidelines for how you should be eating? I would be happy to share some ideas if you would like a refresher.

I hope you are on a healthier path since you posted this and please come on here for support. It isn't for us to judge. We may not coddle, but we will care and do want success, health and happiness for you.

How did you appointment go with the doctor?

Hi,

I read your 1st entry and then your update. Sounds like you are trying to get yourself together, and succeeding. We need an update on your July 26th apt. Know that we are here for you. Stay with your schooling. Sounds like it is your best bet to a better life. My kids went to school in Nebraska, too. Join us for encouragement, here. It is a great group as you have found out. Best wishes, Karen

Stock up on protein powder and almond milk not only will you be getting the protein you need they are also flavored with crazy flavors now so instead of eating cake drink the cake batter flavored protein.

When a child starts walking, they weill fall, but they get back up. They keep at it until they master it. You are like the child trying to take their first steps. Do not beat yourself up. You can do what you think you cannot do. You are worth it. No one is more importasnt than thou art.