This is a subject that I deal with all the time. I have so many issues about being thin. But I thought I'd toss this out and see if any of you feel the same way. This board has been so helpful to me by giving me a place to speak out about my hang-ups and fears. I'd really like to work through this one as well. So... let's talk..

Are you afraid to be thin? Are you afraid of succeeding? Why?

I'm definitely afraid to be thin. It's been the whole undertow of being heavy for me. I associate being thin with being nervous, anxious, free, and, well, what would I focus on then? I have really been working through this, though, in the past few weeks. For me, being heavy is sedating. Sedation has always been a good feeling. Not sure if that makes sense.

I have also been working on knowing that I am worth losing weight and feeling good, i.e., changing my perception of what thin feels like. My sister who is banded says that she is afraid that she will never be thin. This does not scare me, I believe I will achieve my target weight. Will I be okay with that is the question. Just like adhering to the bandster "rules," it's mostly a mind matter.

Great question!

Kelli

This question is right up my alley. YES, I am afraid to be thin!!!! But, if you were to ask me that question when I was 260 lbs. I would have told you that I would be thrilled & excited to be thin & that I would NEVER be afraid of it. Things change....

I have lost 60 lbs. & am now starting to be noticed by people. I'm getting compliments & lots of head turning. It's all good!! However, I am just not certain of who I really am right now. I don't have a identity anymore!! I am feeling very strange & out of place.

I haven't lost any weight in 6 weeks & I truly think this little delimma is what's causing my plateau. I am so unsure of what's ahead & it freaks me out!! I feel like I need to find out who this new ME is.

I'm not THIN yet, but I'm sabotaging myself to not get there!! UGH!!!

Having 31 years of diet failures, I would be crazy if I weren't afraid of not succeeding! What I have now that I haven't had in a long time is HOPE of success. I am not afraid of being thin, but I am afraid of being too thin and not realizing it. When I was a senior in high school I was 104 pounds and thought I was fat.

Actually this has made me realise I'm a bit like this in other areas of my life - I do well enough but dont shoot for outstanding success. My career/working life springs to mind.

I did really really well in my final year of school and got straight A's in my higher school certificate. I could have gotten into medicine or law, I chose physiotherapy. For some reason I failed to apply myself after the first year and eventually dropped out. I worked as a secretary/receptionist till I Had babies. I was groomed by Ernst & Young to become an indirect tax consultant as they could see I had talent they could use (and exploit but another story altogether) but I left half way through that process too.

Now I'm doing a Bachelor or Primary Education at Deakin University. A course of study well below my academic skills and not a few people have said to me "what on earth are you doing that for, why not do something better". Because I dont have to leave my comfort zone, that's why. I can get High Distinctions all the way through and graduate with honours and I'll barely have to do any work. But I do want to be a teacher too!

I do shy away from hard work. It wont take all that much to get to 80kg but it will to get to 68 and I reckon I'll just settle for good enough so I dont have to put that work in.

We did the same with buying a house. I talked Doug out of buying a small run down older place closer in and renovating. I wanted the bright shiny new surrounds NOW and I didnt want to have to work or wait for it. Mr Accountant was easy to convince becuase he was terrified of borrowing money. Well 12 years later, all our friends are living the high life, Doug earns in the top 5% wage bracket, he earns a fortune but we're stuck in the outer burbs unable to achieve our dreams becuase our house, all the way out here may have doubled in value over all those years but double nothing is still nothing. A piddling $250,000 is what we'd get for our place, that little house we looked at all those years ago is now worth about $500,000. We cant buy in a suburb we want to live in because despite a large income we a tiny deposit, the types of houses we need in the areas we want are now $800,000 or more and of course I"m not working because I never pulled my finger out and put in the hard work at the right time and now have 3 years to go before I'll be finished this course and out in the workforce again.

THanks Pnut I needed a reminder that you just have to plug away at things and keep up the hard work.

I've read every response so far and can relate with something from each of them. I'm so touched by the honesty everyone is pouring into this thread. My mind is spinning with thoughts but I'm too tired to put them into any kind of reasonable order. So I'll dwell on this for a while and keep watching and reading. You all say I've made you think with this thread... well, you are all making me think too. Hurts don't it? *grins*

Love you all,

See ya tomorrow.

nite nite

I don't know what thin is, so I don't know if I should be afraid of it?

I've lost almost 40lbs and still my clothes fit and still my back aches when I walk and I'm still very big. Thin is such a long way off and although I know my band is working I suppose I'm still in denial that this is real, that for the first time in my life there might be a chance for real change.

Like so many others I am taking it day by day. I shrug off the ones I love telling me they see a difference because I can't. How I'll feel and what will change when I do see it I honestly dont know.

Thin is still another lifetime away...something others have that I'm not allowed to be a part of! When I get there...or at least begin to feel like I'm on my way I'll be sure to let you know how it feels and if I'm scared of it.

Great Thread!! I think everyone here has a lot of the same fears. I know for myself, when I felt somewhat normal (what is 'normal' anyway?) I felt good about myself. Now I feel invisible, like an outcast at times. I am ready to be able to shop at ANY clothes stor and find something to fit me, I'm ready to be able to sit in a chair in a public place and not feel confined. I'm ready to be the me I was so long ago, the person I miss on the outside. I, too, am afraid of failure, but I don't think any of us would have enbarked on this journey of change unless we were willing to face fears and obstacles involved to get to that 'normal' place in our lives.

I'm definitely afraid to be thin, but not so afraid that I'm not giving it my all at the moment.

Part of my obesity definitely stems from a fear of the attention I get when I'm thin. I don't like walking down the street and having men leer at me, shout things, etc. One of the few upsides of obesity (at least sometimes it's an upside) is anonymity.

It's not the only factor of my weight problem, but it's one of them. I also greatly identify with the posts that suggest it will be difficult to live life without having the fat to blame for your problems or to provide you with an easy excuse for not doing things. It's been a scapegoat for me for too long.

I, like most of the others to this point, am much more afraid of failure than success at this point. Possibly because success seems too distant to be something to worry about now. I have some very serious emotional issues with being thin again, all relating to an abusive ex-husband. But he is no longer something I need to worry about...and yet I know I do. Maybe it is an excuse I use for myself.

I do not worry about the unwanted attention of other men, or having them catcall or anything, I am still going to be 45+ yrs. old, thin or fat!!!

I look forward to the "normalcy". I don't need to be noticed. Now I feel as though I AM noticed, but it is because I am the biggest thing around to notice! I don't want to be the skinniest...but am definitely tired of being the biggest.

All in all I think my biggest fear is that I will succeed in losing a lot of weight and be looking good, and something will happen to my band and I (and everyone around me) will have to watch myself grow fat again. Because truth be known, I know me, and I have little hope in maintaining it without the help of my band. My past efforts have proven that to me!

So...afraid of being thin...not really. But really afraid of not staying that way once I get there!

Kat

I would have to say YES I am afraid to be thin. Do I still want to be thin-OF COURSE. But definitely scared. I like or maybe have become accustomed of being un-noticed. I feel like no one notices me because I'm not much to look at (no pun there is plenty to look at). I can go to family reunions and can be pretty much left alone. I also think alot of the comfort (being overweight) stems from when someone does pay attention I know it is because they are interested in me the real me. I was once thin and beautiful, but I think alot of my interactions with people then were solely due to my looks. My husband has only known me big, I wonder how he will be if/when I get smaller. WOW you really got us thinkin!

Wow, so many open and fabulous posts.

I've always been big. I think food became a comfort for me when my parents separated (I was 3), that's where the photos show me changing. As a teen I worked myself down from a size 18 to 12/14 - and of course, the teenage boys still called me "the fat girl", so that really didn't help things much. As I grew into my early 20's I grew up to a size 26 and almost 350 pounds. Left an abusive marriage, put myself through college, got down to 275 and met the man of my dreams. We got married, then I got pregnant with our daughter and actually LOST weight during the pregnancy - getting down to 260 after her birth. Three years later and I'm back up to 299. I'm very lucky in that I'm tall and broad with a good deal of muscle so I only wear a size 20 jeans at this weight and 22 tops. Still, size 20 is far from thin.

Am I afraid to be thin? No, not in the slightest. It's something I ache for every day. It would be so nice to be intimate with my husband and not have to shut off the light because I'm embarressed by my rolls. It would be wonderful to take my daughter and teach her to ride horses like I used to so long ago before I got so big. It would be sheer pleasure to go to the beach in shorts & a swimsuit instead of jeans and a baggy t-shirt - how sad is that?

I think my fear is honestly of success. What then? What do I do when I have nothing to whine and bitch about? Where do I go from there? I've done the same thing with my college education. I excelled in school, carrying dean's list all the way through, and I've done nothing of substance with this education. Instead I chose to go into retail management for a short time, then I've been home since I got pregnant in November of 2001 (edit, typed 2000 by accident). Why I'm afraid of success, I really can't say. Self sabotage is certainly something I'm very good at though. Perhaps it's laced somewhere in my dysfunctional childhood and first marriage, but then, I'm a grown woman now and I do know the difference between right and wrong, positive and negative. I wish I could answer my own questions and understand what the problem is inside of myself, but I'm not there yet. I'm aware of the issues however, and that's a start..

El

Here's a thought: What if you're not afraid to be thin. You just haven't realized that you deserve to be thin?

I, too, have a fear of being thin. For me, it's because I was molested when I was young. I have put on "layers of protection" to protect myself from being attractive enough to be looked at. For years, I thought that if I was fat, no one would look at me in an unwanted sexual way. I got it in my head that if I was thin and attractive, men would try to attack me, rape me, or look sexually at me. I haven't thought about being looked at for a very long time. Now that I've lost a lot of weight, I notice about myself that I'm looking beautiful and sexy again. Those same fears are coming up now and I don't know how to handle them again. Just today, I wore a gorgeous skirt set. I looked fabulous. But I wondered if the few men we have at work would look at me from behind when I passed them or went up the stairs. I had to deal with it. And I figured that the power is really in my hands. I'm an adult now. I control the contacts that I have with others. If I am not interested, and I'm not-I'm happily married, then I don't have to reply to any comments or contacts they may try to make. I'll never allow myself to be abused. Though I didn't have control when I was young, I do now. I will never give away my power to others to do something to hurt me. I now know I have the power to say no and go away from the situation. I am a strong, intelligent, beautiful, and proud woman! And I'm loving it when I get complements from people.

Drj and Omamoon - Wow... both of your posts have really hit home with me. Time for me to go off and do some more thinking. :phanvan