So, I have surgery in about three weeks. I'm petrified of the diet, but I know that it's worth it, and I am hard worker so I'm not afraid of that and I am mildly excited about my future. My problem is that I have been the "fat girl" my entire life. Elementary school, middle school, HS, college...etc. I feel like a part of who I am is tied to my weight and without that I don't really know who I am. Does anyone else have this problem? I've never been uncomfortable in my skin, I'm not self-conscious and I have no problem being fat. My husband says it's my best quality, I don't care, I don't complain, I don't make excuses and most of all I don't limit myself because of my weight. I love me, my body and my life! My problem is that I am sick, I have diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea...blah, blah, blah. That is why I am getting the surgery, and frankly it's the only reason I am getting it. I don't want to be a skinny girl, I don't covet the super model physique, frankly it scares me a little...to be skinny with my personality is a dangerous combination. I just want to be healthy...and fat. Is this weird? Am I crazy? I don't want to do this and be miserable, but I don't want to not do this and die either. I'm doing it, that has been decided, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has felt like this and will it pass?

Skinny and Healthy

Been fat since I was 6, hated every minute of it, but food was the drug that I used to feel better. Who will you be if your are not fat, I don't know and neither do you. BUT, if you do it the right way, you will never believe the person you can become. I have only lost 50% of my EW but already I am accomplishing things that I never could, and it is only going to get better.

I got fat when I was 6 as well. I was a fat kid with all the hangs ups that go with it. When I was 9, my mother took me to a diet doctor. He put my on amphetamines and Water pills. Mind you, this was 1964, and they didn't know what they know now about amphetamines. I lost some weight, but didn't maintain it. It wasn't until high school that I dropped 50 pounds without drugs. I got all kinds of attention; wonderful, and confusing.

I've taken diet pills on and off (what seems like) my entire life. The 90 pounds I lost 14 years ago was with drugs, and when I was 25, I lost a ton of weight with them as well. I actually got a bit too thin, but in the mirror, I still saw more weight to lose. It got to the point where the pills could no longer hold back the wild horse inside of me, and back came the weight. Up and down UP and down.......ya'll know the story. I've gone to those pills at so many different times, but like with anything else, many times I just ate right through them. I feel that this surgery is my last chance; one that I can live with for the rest of my days.

This was one of the most interesting posts that I have read since being on here. I've struggled with the question in your title for quite some time. Basically food has been my soother. I've found thoughts I've never had before have come bubbling to the surface. The difference now I think is that I turn 40 this year...my confidence is great...and I welcome that thought process now. I used to be scared of it! Its basically time to deal with this and put it away and live my life the way it is supposed to be lived. I answer my self doubt now with confidence and gusto...I am me...just able to do ANYTHING I set my mind to...like ziplining, riding in a plane comfortably, and knowing that I made the choice to be that way.

Thank you all for your amazing stories...what a great read...its like I wrote a book of my innermost thoughts!

Have a great day...and to all you moms out there...have the best day ever...you deserve it!!

You go girl!!! I love it

Your post reminds me of another post last year:

" In my case, the most fearful thing I had to do in order to succeed with my band wasn't switching to skim milk, surviving a liquid diet, or giving up bread. The most fearful thing was giving up my emotional attachment to food. In the nearly 5 years since I was banded, I've made a lot of progress with that, but the attachment is still there. It forms one of the innermost layers of my turtle shell. Working on that layer will probably be a lifetime job for me. At times I'm not even sure I truly want to get rid of it altogether. At times I'm afraid that if I shed my shell completely, I won't be able to survive. On the other hand, I seem to be doing fine without that thick old b***h layer. So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears and pray for a miracle. And why not? It can't hurt to try!"

Good post..... There is SO much psychology wrapped up in a lifetime of obesity. After going around in circles with this my entire life, I still feel like "what will I do without my protective layer". Weight isn't JUST a manifestation of overeating. It serves another purpose.....and THAT is where a lot of the mental work comes in. You have to be ready to "let go" of the weight, and be prepared to deal with all the reasons for holding onto it.

Whats wrong with a new YOU! A skinny body and a better quality of life.