Share..

I am having some issues in this area.. I am making some changes

so here I gooo..

discuss, ask questions, feel free to say whatever, I am open.

So....

If your single and you date, you can do it a number of ways.

I turned into a casual dater who was never looking for a relationship cuz I dont want one. This is an exact science I have down and works well for me. Its been about 10 years and is still going strong. I like it alot.

BUT

I am moving to a small town, I have planned this for a while. I have decided to date while seeking a real relatioship that I think could have a future. To loook for and open my self and risk relationships that may or may not work, until one does and settle down.

EEEEEK

I DONT want to do that.. AT ALL.

This is what I am thinking... I am 35. My kids are almost grown. The normal thing that most people do is have relationships and seek love and look for lifemates. MAYBE I should just try it and see if I will be surprised and actually like it and benifit from it. Maybe I am just scared and once I go for it, It wont be as bad as I think it is. I admit I dont know for sure.

I dont think waiting until I 'want' to is ever goonna happen.

My best friend cant even give me an answer.

She says I shouldnt do anything that I dont want to do or doesnt feel right,or settle or lower myself.. and especially in relationships and matters of the heart..

She also says the casual way I date is superficial and I should not feel content and saticefied at never finding true love in my life.

Its hard.

I really had to read this twice and think about it and I still dont know what reply to give. I dont know that there is the same kind of normal for everyone. People look for what they need in their lives to feel happy and complete. Not all people need a spouse or "lifemate" for that. Some people dont feel lonely when they are alone. If you dont want a deeper relationship than casual dating maybe you dont need one to be content. If you are keeping yourself out of deeper relationships because you are afraid to let anyone get close, that is a different matter.

So what you basically are looking for is a friendly booty call??? Believe me, small towns have that advantage as well as others. How small a town are you moving to? Our town is just barely over 3,000 and the rumor mill never lacks for material.

It sounds like to me that you want a relationship but you are afraid. You can be just as lonely in a relationship as not being in one. I have been on both sides of the fence. If you feel its time to step out then dont be afraid just do it. We were all put here to be happy. I hope the best for you.

Don't look for a relationship, because you will prematurely possibly jump into something unhealthy...looking for that solid love. Instead, just be open for it. Continue to casually date, but be open for something more long term. It will happen when it is right. Up until now you have gone out with the mindset "casual only..." but without you might find some possibilities you would have passed by before.

Good luck!!! :confused:

I'm sorry.. I asked for your input and I didnt even finish.. I got all funky feeling, cant seem to spit out what I mean.. and feel foolish..

Thanks for your response though.. you made good points.

lianna)

I dont know that there is the same kind of normal for everyone. People look for what they need in their lives to feel happy and complete. Not all people need a spouse or "lifemate" for that. Some people dont feel lonely when they are alone. If you dont want a deeper relationship than casual dating maybe you dont need one to be content.

me)

This seems to explain me.. BUT, I dont know if its all some kind of protection thing... I mean, its not like I am the happiest person in the world.. I wonder if I dont feel lonley cuz I am cold and hard.. LOl

I figure I should try it.

lianna)

If you are keeping yourself out of deeper relationships because you are afraid to let anyone get close, that is a different matter.

me)

I think this is a very rational fear. I dont even call it fear. I call it common sense. Nothing rocks my boat enough to think getting deeper is worth it.

mykdsdad)

So what you basically are looking for is a friendly booty call??? Believe me, small towns have that advantage as well as others. How small a town are you moving to? Our town is just barely over 3,000 and the rumor mill never lacks for material.

me)

I want to try to find a real committed like relationship and see where it can go and maybe lead to something secure and creating enough love to care about it.. The small town has men my age, in farming communities, looking for love of a good women.. I want to try that.. I mean I DONT, but I do..

I love casual dating with younger sexy men who are my friends totally but know how to leave me alone.. BUt wonder if I should knock that off now.

jay)

It sounds like to me that you want a relationship but you are afraid.

me)

I dont want one. I want to try one.. Maybe it IS not so bad as I think it is.. even good ones can bother me I think.

jay)

You can be just as lonely in a relationship as not being in one.

me)

I KNOW.. I would NEVEr be in one that I didnt like.. BUT NOW, I KNOW I wont like it much.. I have to see if I can give and take and tolerate and just wait and see if that in itself has its rewards..??

funny duddies)

Don't look for a relationship, because you will prematurely possibly jump into something unhealthy...looking for that solid love. Instead, just be open for it.

me)

right.. this is what I will try to do.. this entails NOT going for anything thats obvioulsy NOT going to EVER be anything (cuz I want to leave the casual stufff behind, it will muck up my new mission)

THANKS.. I wonder if I should even put so much thought into it at all..

Its just that two totally different kinds of men are involved in the casual vs looking for a relationship..

grrrr.. sorry